Acting Out
by Sobriety
Summary: Bonnie Rockwaller has resigned herself to a life without love. Yes, she's sometimes a little lonely; but the rewards of romance aren't worth the risk of leaving the closet. Or so she thinks, until a startling young woman comes into her life. Femslash.
1. Freshman Rush

**AUTHOR:** Sobriety

**DISCLAIMER:** "Kim Possible" and all characters within (c) The Walt Disney Company and its related entities. Kim Possible created by Mark McCorkle & Bob Schooley. All rights reserved.

**SUMMARY:** Bonnie Rockwaller has resigned herself to a life without love. Sure, she's sometimes a little lonely, but the rewards of romance aren't worth risking leaving the closet ... or so she tells herself, until a startling young woman comes into her life. (Femslash)

**RATING:** M

**NOTES:** Set about six years after "Graduation", and acknowledges everything from the TV show as canon.

* * *

This is pretty light soap opera stuff here, folks. No high-octane action or vast conspiracies here. Just a personal little story about a woman who has given up on love for herself, and how she learns to hope again.

"For goodness' sake," Lorraine sniffed her disapproval. "Why doesn't she just tattoo the word 'lesbian' on her forehead and be done with it?"

"Hmm?" Bonnie glanced up from the wilted salad through which she'd been listlessly picking. The college cafeteria was _trying_ to widen its dietary options, but they were still having a few teething problems.

"That one." Lorraine jerked her head, then continued in a whisper loud enough to be heard in three states. "I bet she's one of those 'bull dykes'."

'That one' was certainly a butch, at the very least. The young woman who'd aroused Lorraine's ire wasn't tall, but possessed a solidity that promised toned muscle under the checked shirt, blue jeans, and cowboy-style leather jacket. A backpack, with heavy physics and engineering books jutting from the top, was slung over one shoulder. Bonnie consciously fought down an appreciative growl, and gave her best imitation of a casual shrug as she watched the topic of conversation pause to flirt with two giggling sophomore blondes.

"If she is, it's her own business."

"That's my point!" Lorraine carped, her voice rising enough to make Bonnie wince. "It should be _her_ business, but she's making it _everyone's_ business, thrusting her lesbianism in our faces like that."

_You know Lorraine, after three divorces and two boyfriends who turned out to be married, maybe you'd be better off taking a walk down Lesbian Boulevard._

"Oh, look at the time." Bonnie glanced at her watch without really reading it. "And my next class is way over on the other side of campus. I'd better run to the little girls' room and then head over there." All of which was true, though since her next class wouldn't start for nearly two hours, she didn't exactly have to rush to make it.

"What class is it?"

_Shit. Better hope she doesn't know our timetable._

"Modern Dance with the sophomore class. Good group of kids."

"'Kids'? You're only just out of postgrad yourself, dearie. A bit young to be calling your students children, yet."

"I guess." _I also guess you wouldn't be calling me dearie if you knew the last guy to sleep in my bed was my just-as-gay-as-me beard of an ex-boyfriend._ "Catch you later, Lorraine."

Bonnie turned and hurried toward the bathroom before the other woman could continue the conversation. Or worse still, invite herself along. The brunette did her business in the white-painted cubicles as quickly as possible, then washed her hands. As she rinsed away the lather of soap, she took a moment to look at herself in the mirror.

Only twenty-four, and already there were lines at the corner of her eyes. Faint ones, but lines nonetheless. _Lonnie and Connie will have a field day with that at Christmas. Too much time under lights and too little sleep._

"Darn it." A smoky, western-accented growl announced the arrival of the suspected lesbian who'd so offended Lorraine. The stocky young woman marched up to the sink, muttering to herself as she peered down at a smear of ketchup on her shirt. "Stupid ass clumsy thing ta do."

Frozen in surprise, Bonnie still took a moment to savor the other woman's charms. The shorter woman was another brunette, though the hair was a shade lighter than her own, sun-bleached in places to an auburn-tinged near blonde. The hands which now pulled towelettes from the dispenser were broad, blunt-nailed, and criss-crossed with a surprising number of scars. _Does she get in a lot of fights?_ The figure under the clothes was as taut as the former cheerleader had guessed when she first saw it across the cafeteria. Small-breasted and lithe; exactly the kind of bodty that had always driven her wild.

"Don't do that!" The words were out of her mouth before she could think about them.

"Huh?" The other woman turned to face her, confusion clear in her expression. _Lines around her eyes, too. I guess she must be older than I first thought. My age, maybe a year or two older._

"Tap water and cheap hand soap? You'll just end up with a bigger mark." Bonnie dug in her handbag and pulled out a small tube. "Here, use this."

"Stain-Goze?" The other woman gave her a look of bemusement, then let loose a chuckle. "Sorry. Caught me by surprise. I figured you for a bitch like your friend."

"You heard Lorraine?" Bonnie groaned, her tanned skin growing dusky with embarrassment.

"The whole state of Alabama heard her." Her acquaintance stared dubiously at the tube in her hand. "This stuff really work?"

"It'll even get out stage make-up." Bonnie promised. "You'll get a lot of that kind of reaction down here, I'm afraid."

"Do you?" The other woman paused and blushed when she saw Bonnie's shocked stare. "Sorry. I just thought with ya bein' a theater student, and bein' nice to a big ol' lesbo like me ... well, guess my gaydar needs some fine-tunin'."

_Tell her. Tell her! She's here, she's queer, and she's the first woman since high school to give you __**that**__ tingle._

"Actually, I _teach_ in the theater cognate program." Bonnie said, weakly. "Drama and dance, mostly."

"Woah. You must be older than you look. Wish I could say the same." The other woman applied the Stain-Goze and grunted with satisfaction, before offering it back. "Sorry about assumin' ya were gay."

"No ... problem." Bonnie took the tube in nervous fingers and half-turned away, concealing the tremor in her hands as she returned the Stain-Goze to her bag.

"Anyway, thanks for yer help." The other woman wiped her hands dry, then offered one to shake. "Guess I should introduce m'self before I say goodbye. Name's Joss. Joss Possible."

"You have to be shitting me."

* * *

Bonnie's hands flew to her mouth as she realized what she'd said. To her surprise, the blurted comment only provoked a chuckle from Joss.

"I guess ya've hearda my cousin, then?"

_Heard of her? I spent most of Middle and High School making her days miserable and my nights worse by being the world's biggest bitch to her_.

"Who hasn't?" She managed at last, leading to a silent pause which quickly grew uncomfortable. Bonnie actually found herself relieved when the bathroom door flew open and Lorraine bustled in.

"Bonnie dear, are you alright in here?" The middle-aged English tutor gave Joss a suspicious glare, which the younger woman returned with a passable imitation of a friendly smile.

"I'm fine, Lorraine." Bonnie assured her sometime lunch companion, ashamed of the other woman's attitude, but glad of the chance to escape. "Joss here just got some ketchup on her shirt, and I was giving her some advice on how best to clean it." She explained as she headed to the door.

"Well, I'm not surprised domestic duties aren't her strong point." Lorraine said snidely as they exited the bathroom, causing the brunette dance teacher to entertain cheerful fantasies of strangling the older woman. "I have to say, dearie, I was more than a little worried about you in there by yourself with her. Some of these lesbians can be terrible predators of young women like yourself."

_Shut up. Shut up. Shut up._

"I was fine, Lorraine. She only went in there to clean her shirt."

"Maybe." The older woman sniffed doubtfully. "You just be careful around her."

"It's a big school, Lorraine." Bonnie sighed. "From the books she was carrying, she's taking science or engineering. I teach dance and drama. I probably won't even see her again." _Unfortunately._

_

* * *

  
_

**Author's Notes:** Yep, it's a short chapter. I think they generally will be, for this. More information about Bonnie's life over the past 6 years will come out over the future chapters (oh, and don't worry – BSP and Most Wanted are still being worked on. There'll be new chapters of both this week.)


	2. Sophomore Encounter

"Bonnie, isn't it?"

Startled by the sudden call of her name, Bonnie nearly dropped the sweater she was inspecting.

"Jeez." She put her hand on her chest and turned. "You startled me -" Her voice choked off as she found herself face to face with Joss Possible. The other woman had exchanged her checked shirt for a blue tee, and the leather jacket was black instead of brown, but otherwise was dressed almost the same as when they first met, several days before.

"Howdy." Kim's cousin gave her a friendly nod. "Don't worry, I ain't stalkin' ya. I just came into the store t' get somethin' for Kim's birthday, and I saw you there. Club Banana woman, huh? You 'n' Kim would get on great."

_Don't count on it_.

"I try to buy Club Banana when I can. I went to school with their top designer." The tanned former cheerleader said, her mind more on her racing pulse than what she was saying. She folded the sweater up and regretfully placed it back on the pile. Even at twenty percent off, she couldn't quite stretch her budget to cover it.

"You should get that. Bright yellow would look great on you. Wait ..." Joss paused. "Their _top_ designer? That's Monique Lincoln."

"... yeah." _Shit. Why did I mention that? Now she'll know ..._

"But ... if you went to school with Monique, you must have known cousin Kim!" The western-accented woman gave a big grin, her eyes dancing at the thought. "That's so cool!"

"... I did know her. But we weren't exactly close."

"No? Pity." Joss shrugged as she picked up the yellow sweater Bonnie had set down and checked the tag. "It's weird. The only Bonnie that cousin Kim ever mentioned was ..." she trailed off, her eyes widening as she stared at the tanned dance teacher.

"Was me." Bonnie sighed. "I'm _that_ Bonnie."

"Oh." Joss was clearly taken aback. Bonnie let her shoulder slump, waiting for the other woman to storm off. To the brunette's surprise, Kim's cousin instead gave a cheeky grin.

"S'funny. You don't _seem_ to be riding on a broom."

The gentle gibe startled a chuckle out of Bonnie. The former cheerleader shook her head.

"I left it at home. I'm guess 'cousin Kim' has _lots_ of stories about me."

"Some." Joss admitted, setting down the sweater once more. "She said you rode her pretty hard in High School."

_Trust me, I never rode her the way I really wanted to._

"I was a bitch." Bonnie shrugged, knowing it was pointless to try and hide the truth. _It's not like she's going to talk to me again after the next time she speaks to Kim_. "I was petty and vicious and did everything I could to make her life miserable." _As miserable as mine_. "You should take that sweater for Kim. She'd look great in it."

"Green's more her color these days." Joss waved the suggestion away. To Bonnie's surprise, the other woman didn't seem inclined to storm off. "Ya'll musta changed some since those days. The girl my cuz described would never've helped out a misfit like me."

"Too far down the food chain." Bonnie said dully, then shook her head. "God, I was an ass."

"Emphasis on 'was', I figure." Joss hooked her thumbs in her belt and gave the tanned brunette a grin. "Yer students wouldn't like ya so much if you were still like that."

Bonnie's eyebrows rose.

"How do you know what my students think of me?"

"Uh ..." Joss's grin turned bashful. "I may've done a _little _stalkin'. Askin' about ya with some of the folks in your classes 'n' such."

"Oh?" Bonnie's eyebrows rose further. "And what did you find out?"

"Tell ya what." Joss's grin grew once more, gaining a slightly salacious hint that brought a rakish cast to her face. _Bet that smile's charmed the panties off a few girls in its time. _ "Lemme buy you a coffee and I'll tell you."

"Uh ..." Bonnie's mind raced. _Fraternizing with a student. An openly gay student. Not a good idea. _But she really wanted to.

"C'mon, it's only coffee. I promise not to bite anything but a donut." That dazzling smile flashed across Joss's face once more.

_Well, she's not __**my**__ student. And it __**is**__ only coffee._

"Oh, okay. But just because I'm curious what the kids said." Bonnie sighed. _Yeah, that smile's worked for her before. Better be careful it doesn't work again._

_

* * *

  
_

"Here's yer green tea." Joss set down the glass cup with a frown of distaste. "Though why ya'd want it, I'll never know. Gimme coffee any day."

"Coffee's bad for your teeth, your nervous system, and your skin." Bonnie's fingers unconsciously rose to touch the side of her eyes as she watched the shorter woman set down a blueberry muffin and take a swig of her Caffé Americano.

"Bad for the skin, eh?" Joss grinned. "Guess how old I am."

"Twenty-two." _Start low. May as well be flattering._

"Lower."

"Lower?" Bonnie gaped. _So much for flattering._

"I'm what you might call 'weathered'." Joss grinned, taking another gulp of her coffee. "I'm nineteen. I'll be twenty in a little over two months."

"Bullshit." The denial was instinctive, even as Bonnie's heart sank. _Not just a student, but just a kid. This had better just stay coffee._

_As if it was ever going to be anything else. _ An ugly voice jeered back in her mind. _You've told exactly one person in the world that you're gay, and you only did __**that**__ after finding him doing the horizontal tango with his pool boy._

"Really." Joss nodded. "Nineteen, but I swear it ain't down to the coffee. I grew up on a ranch in Montana and I spent all my time in the outdoors. Last check-up I had, they said I have the skin of a thirty year old." She grinned, evidently completely unconcerned by this. "And Aunt Annie says I'll have to be careful about skin cancer when I'm older."

"You grew up on a ranch?" Bonnie seized on the seemingly harmless topic, a little surprised by the younger woman's blithe unconcern about her health. _But then, look at the shape she's in. Skin of a thirty year old, but the body of an Amazon. _"That must have been fun."

Joss nodded, then downed another third of her coffee.

"It was. Just me 'n' dad and the horses."

"Sounds rustic. I guess your dad wasn't much like Kim's, then?"

"_Robot_ horses."

"Ah." Bonnie blinked, and took a sip of her own drink. "That's a 'no, they were actually pretty similar' then."

"Yeah, the Possible gene is kinda strong." Joss sprawled back in her chair with a lazy grin. Bonnie did her best not to notice how the other woman's blue t-shirt pulled tight over her washboard stomach. "Dad and Uncle James are two of a kind. Cousin Kim 'n' I are a lot alike, too. Short. No tits. Queer as a nine dollar bill."

Bonnie choked as she nearly inhaled her green tea.

"You okay?" Joss asked when at last the former cheerleader was back in control of herself.

"Yeah." Bonnie croaked. "It just went down the wrong way."

"You did know Kim's gay, right?"

"I think the whole world knows _that_ story." Bonnie admitted. "It's not every day the world's number one hero announces she's dating a woman who used to be wanted in a dozen countries." _And it's not every day I learn that if I hadn't been such an ass in high school, I might have had the woman I dreamed of._

"Fourteen countries, actually. Shego's real particular about that."

"Must have caused quite an uproar when Kim told her family."

"Some." Joss shrugged. "Made it a lot easier for me to come out to my dad after Kim dropped her bombshell, though."

"I bet." Bonnie said dryly, before putting down her tea and picking nervously at the paper napkin on her plate. "So ... you were going to tell me what my students said about me."

"Oh yeah. Well, yer real popular." Joss assured the older woman. "They all think yer about the best teacher in that department. They do like t'gossip about yer, though."

"Gossip?" Bonnie's neck prickled. "What kind of gossip?"

"Nothing bad." Joss explained hastily. "It's just ... an attractive woman like y'self, with no boyfriend or husband and seemin'ly no int'rest in one. They all got theories about that. Some of 'em think ya had yer heart broken by an unrequited love. Others think yer jus' gay."

_Try both_.

"And what do _you_ think?" Bonnie deliberately kept her tone light and casual, trying to seem like she was amused, rather than unsettled, by her students' comments.

"Well, I kinda hoped it was the latter." Joss admitted frankly, that rakish grin lighting up her eyes once more. "But I guess I couldn't be that lucky."

_Tell her! __**Tell her!**_

"I guess not."

_Coward_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yeah, Kim and Shego are a couple in this universe. They're just so cute together :)

The pool boy-bonking ex-boyfriend, however, is not Junior (or Brick, or in fact a character from the show at all). He'll won't actually appear in this fic, but you will learn more about Bonnie's time with him, as well as why Bonnie and Junior split (other than Bonnie being into women, of course!) in a later chapter.


	3. Student Teacher Relations?

"- and that's when Kim busted me out of the glass chamber the robots had stuck me in." Bonnie wrinkled her nose as she remembered her own behavior during the incident. "I can't say I did much to show my gratitude at the time."

Joss shook her head admiringly.

"Wow. This has gotta be the first time I met someone who knows more stories about cousin Kim than I do."

"Trust me, I got a lot more of them." _Like the time I was literally stuck on her, as well as figuratively ... but I'll need something stronger than tea before I feel ready to tell that story. _Bonnie glanced at her watch and blinked in surprise, realizing suddenly that they'd been sitting and chatting in the small café for over an hour. _No wonder the barista is giving us dirty looks_. "Shit, look at the time. I need to head home. I have assignments to grade."

"I should probably jet, as well." Joss agreed, flicking back her hair. "I'm parked in the east lot. Where are you?"

"Actually, I walked." The taller woman admitted.

"Walked? You must live close by, then?"

"Yeah." Bonnie stood and picked up the bag containing the two small purchases she'd made. "I'm just a few blocks north of campus, it only takes about twenty minutes to get there from here."

"Well, heck, I haveta head back that way myself." Joss also rose, dusting some muffin crumbs off her jeans as she did so. "Lemme give you a ride."

"You're sure?"

"Wouldn't be offerin' if I wasn't." The younger woman assured her. "I do need to swing by Club Banana and grab somethin' for Kim first, though. That okay?"

"Sounds good. Thanks for the offer." Bonnie nodded.

"As cuz would say: no big." Joss grinned as they began to walk back toward Club Banana. "Think of it as thanks for stoppin' and chattin' with me. I've only been in town for a few days so I don't really know anyone yet. We should do it again – it's been fun."

_Yeah, it has. But I've got to be careful about spending too much time with a student, even one from another college._

"Oh, you'll soon make lots of friends at the university." Bonnie put on a nonchalant air she didn't feel. "They're a good crowd."

"... I guess." Joss shrugged as they paused outside Club Banana. "Well, here we are. Ya comin' in?"

"Actually, I might make a quick trip to the restroom." That green tea was starting to make itself known. "I'll meet you at the seats over there when you're done." Bonnie pointed at a cluster of couches not far from the store. The seats surrounded a plasma TV, tuned to the sports channel, showing they'd been placed there as a refuge for bored husbands and boyfriends.

"Sure thing. Don't worry: I won't be long."

* * *

Joss was as good as her word. By the time Bonnie had washed her hands and returned from the bathroom, the shorter woman was already sprawled on one of the couches, idly watching the muted baseball game on the plasma TV.

"Hey." Bonnie glanced at the two Club Banana bags resting on Joss's stomach. _Lucky bags_. "That was fast. Get something for yourself?"

"Yeah." Joss levered herself to her feet and led the way toward the east doors, bags dangling from her left hand. "I like to go in and buy what I want and get out. I don't get the whole 'shopping as a pastime' thing."

"Well unless things have changed ..." Bonnie gave a sly grin. "... that means there's at least _one_ way in which you and Kim are different."

"Oh, there _are_ a few of those." Joss laughed. "Kim's in a class of her own when it comes to athleticism, for instance. I'm pretty fit, but she's like a modern-day _Xena: Warrior Princess_."

"Who?" Bonnie blinked. "Oh ... you mean that old TV show? I've never seen it. It wasn't the kind of thing you were allowed to watch in the Rockwaller house."

Joss pulled a face.

"I'm glad I didn't grow up in your house, then. My dad was always careful to watch stuff with me before he'd let me watch it by myself, but he'd never have banned somethin' as tame as Xena."

"It wasn't because it was too wild a show." Bonnie shrugged as they left the mall building and entered the eastern car park. "My parents ... my parents would have just thought it was tacky."

"Now I'm _really_ glad I didn't grow up in your house." Joss paused. "Uh ... no offence meant."

Bonnie shook her head.

"None taken. I'd have preferred not to grow up there, either."

"Well, here we are." The shorter woman gestured to the left.

Bonnie stared.

"Joss ... that's a motorcycle."

"_She_ is a top of the line, custom-built beauty." Joss patted the red and silver machine. "My dad and I built her together after I passed Driver's Ed. The systems in her are cutting edge: some of them still aren't on the open market, yet."

"I'm sure, uh, 'she' is a very nice motorcycle." Bonnie acknowledged, then lifted the bags she was carrying. "But it's not really a passenger vehicle. Plus, we both have shopping. Where does _that_ go?"

"The bags go here." Joss lifted the leather-clad seat, revealing a compartment with two helmets. "Plenty of room."

"Maybe I should walk." Bonnie eyed the cycle, trying to conceal her nervousness.

"It's okay, baby." Joss's use of the term of endearment caused a moment of shock for the older woman, but then the Montanan patted the motorcycle gently. "Bonnie's just a bit nervous, no need to be upset."

"There is no need to be nervous." A disembodied, somewhat sultry voice emanated from the motorcycle. "A number of Joss's lady friends have ridden home with me, and they have all found the experience enjoyable."

"It _talks_?" Bonnie's jaw dropped.

"I _did_ say the electronics were cutting edge." Joss reminded her with a playful grin.

"And my _name_ is Aimee." The bike's synthesized voice added, sounding slightly petulant.

"Artificially Intelligent Motorcycle Experiment. AIM-E." Joss explained, pulling out one of the helmets and offering it to Bonnie. "Trust me, we'll get you home safely. I'm a careful driver. And even if I wasn't, my dad put a bunch of fail-safes into Aimee's programming, to keep me safe."

"Safe on the road, at least." Aimee opined, primly. "What you get up to when I'm not around, I can't comment about."

"And yet somehow, I think you just did." Joss's tone was dry as she responded to her vehicle. She kept her arm extended, helmet still proffered to Bonnie, and at last the taller woman tentatively took it, then passed her bags to Joss, who stowed them away.

Climbing onto Aimee, behind Joss, Bonnie suppressed the urge to whisper a prayer. _I'm really not sure about this._

_

* * *

  
_

"See? Told you we'd get you home safely."

"Yeah, you did. Sorry I doubted you." Bonnie swung her leg off the motorcycle and hopped down onto the sidewalk. "Uh, either of you, that is."

As promised, Joss had ridden very sedately back to Bonnie's apartment. Not that the older woman had been paying much attention to the Montanan's driving. Not when she was distracted by having her arms wrapped around the younger woman's firm stomach, and by the gentle throb of Aimee beneath her. _I can see why a ride home is so popular with Joss's 'lady friends'._

"Here's your stuff." Joss opened the compartment and sorted through the bags, passing several to Bonnie."

"Thanks." The former cheerleader gave the shorter woman a grateful smile, then turned her attention to the motorcycle. "Uh ... thank you too, Aimee." _I'm talking to a bike. I feel like an idiot._

"You're welcome." Aimee's cool tone suggested that she said the words only to be polite.

"Thanks again for hangin' out." Joss smiled. "I had fun."

"Yeah ... me too." _Too much fun_. "You, uh, know your way home from here?"

Joss grinned.

"I know my way home from campus, and I know that's about a half mile back that-a-way." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "I think I can manage it."

"Oh. Yeah." _I'm babbling like an idiot. _"Well, uh, those papers won't mark themselves. See you at the university."

"Sounds good to me." Joss climbed back onto Aimee and started the engine, but made no move to drive off. "It's getting dark. I'll wait here until you reach your door."

Bonnie opened her mouth to protest that waiting wasn't necessary, but stopped when she saw the expression on Joss's face. _That's exactly the same look as Kim used to get, right before she did something impossible. She won't take 'no' for an answer._

"Thanks." The brunette nodded, then turned and walked up the staircase to her second-storey apartment. She unlocked the door and turned to give Joss a wave. The younger woman waved back, but it was not until Bonnie entered the apartment and shut the door behind her that she heard the roar of Aimee's engine.

_I'm going to have to be careful around her. _The brunette sighed and tossed her bags onto the couch on her right, then headed left into the kitchen. Snagging a cup from one of the shelves, she shoved it into the ice dispenser, letting it fill three quarters full, then topped the cup up with iced tea.

Sipping the tea, Bonnie wandered back into the living room and reached down for the remote which was sitting on the coffee table. As she did so, her eyes drifted to the bags she'd dropped on the couch.

And onto the bright yellow material that had spilled out of one of them.

_What the?_ The brunette set down her cup – carefully moving a coaster beneath it, first – then picked up the bag and opened it. Sure enough, the bright yellow Club Banana sweater was inside.

"Joss must have decided to buy it after all, then got our bags mixed up. That's all." The brunette told herself, though the words sounded implausible even as she said them. For one thing, the sweater was in one of Bonnie's own bags, not a Club Banana bag. For another, there was a scrap of paper pinned to the sleeve

Trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her gut, Bonnie pulled the garment out of the bag and read the note.

_B – You'll look great in it. Thanks again for today. – J._

"Oh, Joss." The brunette folded up the garment and shoved it back into the bag. _I can't accept a gift like this from __**any**__ student, even one who's not in my classes. I guess that settles it. I need to find Joss and give this back, but then I can't see her again._

_

* * *

  
_

**Author's Note:** Uh-oh! What is Joss thinking, buying Bonnie a gift like that? It's totally inappropriate! I'm afraid you'll have to wait for chapters 4 and 5 to find out ...

A couple of folks have asked about how Joss can be both 'stocky' and 'lithe'. This chapter's conversation about _Xena_ reminded me of this, since the body type I envisage for her in my mind is very similar to that of Renee O'Connor (Gabrielle) in the later seasons. Though Joss has a less spectacular bust than Ms O'Connor :)


	4. Inter Departmental

"I'm sorry, Ms Rockwaller." The perky blonde clerk in the administration building shook her head. "There's no-one of the surname 'Possible' in the current student body."

Bonnie frowned.

"Are you sure –" she glanced quickly at the woman's name-tag. "- Nancy?"

"Yep." Nancy nodded emphatically, then clicked her mouse a few more times. "But we do have a _Doctor_ Possible workin' in the College o' Science. Is that who y'want?"

"No." Bonnie sighed and shook her head. "The girl I need to find is only nineteen."

To the brunette's surprise, Nancy reacted to this news by nodding vigorously.

"Oh yeah, that's her, then. She's some kinda child pro-di-gee." The blonde pronounced the word in three distinct parts. "She really works for NASA, over at the space center, but she's teachin' some classes here this year as part of some exchange program the Dean set up. There was an e-mail sent 'round about it. One of them 'Inter-Departmental Update' things."

Bonnie stared, jaw sagging.

"You okay, hon?" Nancy looked concerned.

"_Joss_ Possible?" The brunette's question came out like a croak.

"Jocelyn Possible is the name I got here." Nancy punched some buttons on the keyboard. "Yeah, she's nineteen. Has an office in the Cramer Building. You know where that is?"

"Uh, yeah ..." Bonnie ran a hand through her hair and tried to gather her thoughts. _Joss is on __**faculty**__? _The brunette stared at the yellow sweater she'd planned to return. _Well, I guess this changes things._

_Now if only I could work out __**how**__._

* * *

Bonnie headed over to the Cramer building, her thoughts in a whirl. _She's not a student. What does this mean for what's between us? What __**is**__ between us, anyway? She gave me this sweater ... why? What did it mean to her?_

A blaring horn brought the brunette sharply back to reality, and she took a shuddering breath as she realized she'd almost walked straight in front of a car.

"You're not going to get any answers if you get yourself killed on the way." The theater lecturer muttered to herself, taking a moment to let her wildly beating heart return to normal before she set out again, crossing the street to the Cramer Building.

Arriving in the entrance hall, the brunette found Joss's name on the building directory, and headed up to the third floor room. The door plaque indicated that Joss shared the room with a Doctor McKay. That explained the balding, forty-something man who answered her knock. The man peered at her suspiciously, opening the door only a few inches.

"What is it?" His tone was as unwelcoming as his expression.

"Uh, hi. I was looking for Doctor Possible?"

"Her student contact hours are on the door –" The man began, his brusque and unfriendly tone not changing.

"I'm not a student." Bonnie interrupted, flashing her faculty ID. If anything, the man's demeanor became even less welcoming.

"I wasn't aware that Doctor Possible had any involvement with the Theater program." He gave her a condescending look.

"And _I_ wasn't aware that she'd made you her social coordinator." Sometimes, six years of being a bitch did actually come in handy. "Is she here or not?"

McKay glowered. Bonnie gave him her best scornful look in return. _That's right, ugly, I wouldn't touch you even if I __**was**__ straight._

"Possible!" McKay stomped away from the door, but did not bother to lower his voice. "There's some woman from the liberal arts department here for you." He spoke the words 'liberal arts' in the same manner as most people might utter the term 'steaming feces'.

"Oh, hey Bonnie!" Joss smiled in welcome as she opened the door wide. "How're you doin', today?"

Bonnie tried to gather her thoughts. The afternoon sun was streaming in through the office window, bringing out the warm luster of the auburn highlights in Joss's hair. It made her look even more amazing than usual. _Say something, you idiot._

"Why didn't you tell me you were _teaching_ here?" _Not __**that**__!_

The Montanan blinked.

"I figured you knew." Joss paused. "Is somethin' wrong?"

"Uh ..." Bonnie dropped her eyes, then sighed and flicked back her hair. "... is there somewhere we could talk in private?"

"Well, I've got a class in about half an hour, and the room it's in should be empty right now." Joss cocked her head to one side, her eyes creasing slightly as she looked at Bonnie, obviously concerned by the other woman's behavior. "We could head over there now and talk, if ya like?"

* * *

"I can't accept this." Bonnie held out the sweater, folded neatly into a plastic bag. "It's inappropriate."

"Inappropriate?" Joss leaned against the desk at the front of the classroom and folded her arms, making no effort to take the package. "It's a gift between friends. What's inappropriate about it?"

"Friends? We've only met twice!"

Joss exhaled, blowing a tuft of hair away from her eyes. She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again.

"Look ..." She said, speaking softly, but with conviction. "I know we don't really know each other very well. But I'd like to change that. Ever since I got to this town, pretty much everyone has treated me either as a scary dyke or as the science world's equivalent of a rock star. _You_ didn't. Y'treated me like just another a person. That makes yer someone I'd like to know better."

Bonnie blinked, taken aback by the younger woman's quiet words. She opened her mouth, closed it again, then finally spoke.

"It's too expensive." _Well, that was weak_.

Joss shrugged.

"I can afford it."

"I _can't_." The response burst out of Bonnie before she could bite if off. The brunette froze in panic as she realized there were two different ways that statement could be interpreted.

"Just because I buy ya a gift, doesn't mean y'have to go out and buy me one." Fortunately, Joss took her words at face value. "And even if ya did get me something, I certainly wouldn't care what it cost. It's not about keeping score."

_Trust me, in my family, that's __**exactly**__ what it's about._

"Well ..." Bonnie cast about for some response. _I drag the poor woman off and then I ... I don't know what I'm doing._ "At least let me make you dinner, as a thank you."

_Shit. Apparently what I'm doing is digging myself into more trouble._

"You cook?" Joss blinked, then blushed, her tanned skin darkening. "Sorry. That was rude."

For her own part, Bonnie was just glad the conversation was on a safe topic.

"Well yeah, I cook. You don't?"

"I _can_ cook." Joss shrugged. "Dad taught me when I was younger. But with it just being me, it's too much hassle, usually. Most nights I just throw one of those ready-made meals into the microwave."

"Ugh." Bonnie pulled a face. "Those things are full of salt, sugar and preservatives."

"My three favorite food groups." Joss grinned. "And: yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, dinner sounds great."

"Oh, right." Bonnie nodded, torn between being thrilled by the other woman's acceptance of her impromptu offer, and shock that she'd ever made it in the first place.

"When?"

"Uh ..." Bonnie felt herself freezing up, and struggled to force down the anxiety. _I can't __**un**__invite her. _But that didn't mean she couldn't get a stay of execution. "Well, I'm afraid tonight is no good for me. I, uh, already have plans." _Plans that involve going home and having a panic attack_. "How's the rest of the week for you?"

To the brunette's relief, Joss didn't pry about her 'plans'.

"I couldn't do tonight, anyway." The shorter woman looked genuinely apologetic. "Got a late class. Can you do tomorrow?"

Fighting back her instinctive impulse to delay the dinner even further, Bonnie paused long enough to think over her schedule.

"Tomorrow's okay for me." She said, making her response as nonchalant as she could, given the dryness of her throat. "Seven thirty work for you? I guess you should be able to find the place, again."

"I think I can remember where it is." Joss grinned. "Seven thirty works great for me."

"Okay. I'll, uh, pick up some extra things at the store tonight. Anything I should avoid? Stuff you don't eat?"

"Nah." Joss grinned and shoved her hands in her pockets. "I'll pretty much eat anything." The words, innocent as they were, brought the pounding of blood into Bonnie's ears, causing the brunette to nearly miss the rest of Joss's reply. "But I like spicy stuff best."

"Great. Spicy it is. See you tomorrow. Gotta run: classes!" Bonnie fled before she could make an even bigger fool of herself than she already had.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** And so it finally emerges that the whole student/teacher angst was just a false assumption on Bonnie's part. Not to mention a cheap bit of misdirection by the author :)

How will dinner go? And just what _does_ Joss's status as a teacher mean for their relationship?


	5. Faculty Dinner

Bonnie took a deep breath as the door-bell rang. _Showtime: The Dinner Party, Act One. Starring Bonnie Rockwaller as the Perfect Hostess._

"Evening!" She said brightly, as she opened the door. "Come on in, Joss."

"Thanks." The younger woman entered and glanced around. "You've got a nice place." She said, with the sincere but slightly stiff politeness of a first-time guest in someone else's home.

Bonnie leaned forward and spoke in a mock-conspiratorial whisper.

"It's okay to say it's small, you know. Lorraine called it a shoebox the first time she saw it."

"Well ... it _is_ compact, but ..." Joss gestured at her own short frame and gave a grin. "I've always said good things come in small packages, myself."

_They sure do. _Bonnie had been trying not to notice the way that Joss's tight jeans clung to her thighs and rump. It was a losing battle. _Eyes up, Rockwaller! Keep your mind on the role._

"I, uh, used to offer a nickel tour, but it was so short people asked for their money back."

"Cute." To Bonnie's delight, Joss gave a genuine belly laugh. _Rehearsing that line really paid off. _"Well, if the no-longer-a-nickel tour is still available, I'm game."

"Oh ... sure." Bonnie hadn't thought that far ahead. _Dumb_. Improvising, she gestured to her left, where two couches bracketed a coffee table and a second-hand entertainment center. "... well, this is the living room." A large sliding door on the far side of the couches opened onto a balcony, giving the small room a much needed sense of space. On the balcony was an outdoor table, set with cutlery, and a couple of canvas camp chairs.

"Oh! We're eating outside?"

"Yeah. If it's just me I usually just eat at the kitchen counter, but with two of us and the weather so nice, I figured ..." Bonnie trailed off. "Uh, is that okay with you?"

"Okay?" Joss grinned. "I think it's a great idea!"

"Cool. Kitchen's over here." Bonnie pointed toward the gleaming stovetop, sink and counters. "As you probably worked out ... you have eyes, after all."

"Looks like you have all the latest gadgets." Joss leaned against the counter to give the room a good inspection.

"Yeah. That was actually the main reason I wanted this place: they'd just refurbished the kitchen before I moved here."

"You like cooking, huh?" Joss pushed away from the counter and gave the taller woman a quirky grin. "You better watch out, or I might just move in and refuse to leave."

"Uh ..." The theater lecturer's train of thought suffered a serious derailment at the thoughts _that_ comment engendered.

"Sorry." Joss misinterpreted her sudden silence. "Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Oh, you didn't!" Inwardly, Bonnie winced at her over-enthusiastic denial. _Ms Rockwaller's performance was somewhat uneven, which hurt the credibility of the role_. "I mean ... I know you were just kidding. I just ..." She trailed off, realizing there was nowhere good she could go with the sentence.

"You just never hung out with a big ol' lesbo before?" Joss suggested, her easy grin suggesting she hadn't taken offense.

"Big?" Bonnie raised her eyebrows sharply. "Are all the other lesbians from Lilliput, or something?"

"Oh!" The younger woman mimed being struck in the heart, then gave another of her boisterous laughs. "I'm wounded!" Her expression turned serious. "Look, Bonnie ... I don't want ya to feel uncomfortable around me. But if you do, it's okay. I won't be offended. It's pretty tough making friends around here when yer gay, so I'm not about to get pissed off just because you need some time to get used to the idea."

"Oh. Thanks." Bonnie paused. "You know, there is a gay support group on campus ..."

"Yeah, but it's mostly for students, so I'd have to keep everyone at arm's length." Joss shrugged. "And heck, there's a lesbian bar or two in town if ya know where to look. But sometimes it's nice to hang out with someone who's become yer friend for a reason other than because you both happen to be gay."

_Damn. Now I feel like a complete shit_. Bonnie forcibly suppressed a sigh. _After that, I definitely can't tell her I'm gay._

_Uh huh. Like you were actually going to do __**that**__._

"And this is the bedroom." Bonnie pushed open the door to her room and gave a vague wave at the contents, then pointed to the far wall. "The bathroom's through that door over there. We'll skip that for the tour, but at least now you know where it is."

"Thanks." Joss gave a wry grin and ducked her head under Bonnie's arm to glance around the bedroom. "Woah. Please tell me ya cleaned up special before I came over?"

"Huh?" Bonnie glanced at her room. Everything seemed normal. Bed. Closet. Dresser.

"It's just so _tidy_." Joss shook her head in wonderment. "Ya should see _my _room. It's like the freakin' _Bat Cave_. I got my computer, a stack of DVDs on the floor, posters on all the walls, mementoes all over the place ... never did manage to find a giant penny, though." The shorter quirked her eyebrows, evidently making a joke that Bonnie missed, then lowered her voice. "And don't tell anyone, but I still keep a Hippopotamouse on the bed."

"Oh." Bonnie glanced at the room again, noticing the bare surface of the dresser; the emptiness of the walls. "Well, growing up with two sisters, it's best not to leave stuff out, or it gets borrowed." _At least, they __**call**__ it 'borrowing'._ "I guess I just got in the habit of putting things away."

"My father may want to adopt you." Joss chuckled. "I used to drive him crazy, leaving my stuff all over the place."

Bonnie smiled weakly.

"Well ... there you go. That's the tour."

"You know, I think you could get away with charging a nickel for that." Joss grinned, then sniffed at the air. "The aroma in here is worth the price of admission alone. Whatever you're cooking smells divine."

"It's the jerk chicken." Bonnie retreated to the kitchen and made a quick check of the food. "It'll be ready in a few minutes. You want a drink? I have soda, or there are a couple of beers in the fridge."

"Soda is fine." Joss slid onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar and peered over the counter into the kitchen. "I have to ride home later, and while I could let Aimee do all the actual driving, I doubt a cop would let me get away with that if he pulled me over."

"Shit." _I'm an idiot._ Bonnie mentally slapped herself. "You're under twenty-one. I didn't even think about that."

"It causes a lot of hassle for work functions, too." Joss admitted, as she watched Bonnie walk over to the refrigerator to get the soda. "I finally took pity on the guys at NASA and told them I wouldn't come to any functions until I was legal to drink." She caught sight of the bottle Bonnie had in her hand. "Uh ... do you have anything else?"

"You don't like root beer?" Bonnie glanced at the bottle in surprise.

"Normal root beer is fine. _Diet_ root beer ... diet _anything_ ... is a crime against nature." Joss gave a theatrical shudder. "I'd be happy with water."

"I have orange juice, if you like. That got enough sugar for you?"

"OJ sounds great."

Bonnie poured herself a glass of the root beer, then returned to the refrigerator and removed four oranges. Joss raised her eyebrows.

"... I'm pretty sure that's not technically _juice_, you know."

Bonnie shrugged.

"It will be in two minutes." She pulled the electric juicer out of the cupboard and plugged it in. "So don't even start with the 'don't go to so much trouble' nonsense, okay?" She gave the younger woman a mock glare.

"Yes ma'am!" Joss gave an equally mock salute, along with a shake of her head and a grin.

Bonnie quickly juiced the oranges, then poured the fluid into a glass and placed it on the counter before Joss. With practiced motions, the brunette then disassembled the juicer, returning the base to the cupboard, then rinsing the working parts and slipping them into the dishwasher for cleaning. Turning, the brunette found Joss watching her, an amused look on the younger woman's face.

"What?" _Oh man, did I spill something on myself? _Bonnie glanced down at herself, twisting her hips so she could check her legs.

"Just wonderin' how I can talk you into cleanin' up _my_ place."

"You can't. I _don't_ clean up other people's mess." The words were sharper than she'd intended.

"... it was a joke." Joss put down the orange juice, her brow wrinkling slightly. "Sorry if I offended yer."

"No, I'm the one who's sorry." Bonnie sighed. "I didn't mean to sound so harsh. It's ... that's something of a sore spot."

Joss nodded.

"Okay. I'll keep away from pokin' it, then." The shorter woman shook her head and gave a smoky chuckle. "Gotta say, fer a second there I thought I saw the Bonnie that cousin Kim always talked about."

"Trust me, that was nothing."

"Really?" Joss's eyebrows rose. "Say ... what happened to her?"

"Her?" Bonnie pretended confusion. She knew what the younger woman was asking, but didn't want to answer. _Maybe she'll let it go_.

"The girl Kim knew." Joss clearly wasn't going to give up that easily. "She talks about ya like yer were the high school equivalent of Cruella De Ville, but you've been nothin' but nice t' me. So what happened to her? What happened to the 'old Bonnie'?"

* * *

**Author's Note:** I don't own Cruella De Ville, the Bat Cave, or the giant penny. Please don't sue me, Disney or Warner Brothers! Would superhero comics actually exist in a wacky world like the Possiverse? Who knows. I just thought it was a funny line :-)

_"After that, I definitely can't tell her I'm gay." _Ol' Bonbon is good at coming up with reasons to stay in the closet, isn't she?

Next chapter: So what _did_ happen to the old Bonnie?


	6. Alma Mater

"College."

"College?" Joss waited expectantly for a moment, then raised her eyebrows when Bonnie didn't continue. "That's a mighty short answer for a pretty big question, don't you think?"

"Sorry." Bonnie sighed. "It's just ... every time I go to begin, I find myself about to start makes excuses for why I was like that to begin with."

"Just tell it how you need to." Joss rested her chin on her hands, and gave a sudden, impish grin. "Don't worry: I'll let you know if I think you're full of shit."

"Gee, thanks." The taller woman chuckled and shook her head at Joss, who continued to grin unrepentantly. "The short version is that when I was younger, I felt miserable and worthless, and the easiest way to feel better about myself was to make other people feel worse."

"... couldn't ... couldn't you have gone to your family for help?"

Bonnie laughed, then colored at the harsh and bitter sound.

"My family were the _reason_ I felt like I did."

"Oh." Joss looked stricken. "I –"

"You didn't know. It's okay." Bonnie looked at the serving plates. _Have to make two trips to the table._

"Here, let me help you with those." The Montanan slid off the kitchen stool.

The two women moved the meal to the table; spicy jerked chicken, fragrant Jamaican-style rice and peas, and a chilled tomato salad to soothe the bite of the other dishes.

"So that's why you were always such a ..." Joss paused, obviously trying to think of a not-too-insulting word.

"Bitch?" Bonnie offered. "It's okay to say it, since it's what I was. And ... I didn't think about it like that at the time. I just knew that pulling other people down made me feel better. I know now that it was selfish and stupid. Please help yourself to the food –" She gestured to the steaming plates as she took a seat at the balcony table. "- it'll just go cold, otherwise."

"It all looks great." The substantial servings Joss began ladling onto her plate indicated that the praise was sincere. "But don't think I don't notice you changing the subject."

"Oops. Busted." Bonnie mustered up a smile.

"You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to." The younger woman offered. She tasted a mouthful of the chicken and gave a low moan of pleasure. The sound sent prickles up and down Bonnie's spine. _Get your hormones in check, Rockwaller!_ "This is _amazing_."

"It's okay. Talking, I mean, not the food." Bonnie clarified, feeling a little flustered. "I just ... feel guilty when I think about the crappy way I treated people back then. People who deserved better."

"You mean like cousin Kim?" Joss guessed. "You musta hated an over-achiever like her."

_Oh, it was a __**lot**__ more complicated than that._

Stalling for time to gather her thoughts, Bonnie ladled out food for herself. A small amount of rice and peas for essential starches, then a healthy serve of tomato salad, for vitamins and to take the bite off the chicken. And then the biggest piece of chicken she could find, because ... _well, because it __**does**__ taste amazing._ At last, she spoke.

"Kim was one of them. Though probably the one I hurt worst was Brick."

"Brick?"

"My high school boyfriend." The brunette sighed, then paused to take a sip of her diet soda. "I treated him _so_ badly. After we broke up for the last time, he didn't date at all for about a year."

Joss's eyebrows rose.

"The last time you broke up? If you treated him so crappily, why did he keep coming back?"

Bonnie flushed, her mortified silence making it quite clear what means she'd used to keep a leash on Brick.

"Oh." Joss's eyes widened. "_Oh_."

_Great. Now she thinks I'm not just straight but a slut, as well._

"Yeah, uh ..." The former cheerleader floundered.

"I tried having sex with a guy once."

Bonnie stared. Finally realizing that her mouth was hanging open, she closed it with a snap. Joss smiled easily at her, seemingly over her surprise.

"But ..." _But what? She's gay? So are you, and you slept with Brick._

"It was with the son of one of the guys who worked on my dad's ranch. I knew he was into me, and I figured I should at least _try_ the opposite team before I made my mind up."

"So, uh, how did it go?"

"Pretty good while we had our clothes on." The younger woman shrugged, then chuckled, her eyes twinkling. "Then I saw him naked. In this case, laughter was _not_ an aphrodisiac." She thrust out a finger, then let it droop limply downwards. "Experiment over."

Bonnie's peal of laughter surprised even her. Grinning widely, the brunette wiped tears of mirth away from her eyes.

"Oh god. That poor boy."

"I know." Joss's grin was unrepentant. "I probably scarred him for life. But I mean, honestly ... I just saw that _thing_, sticking out there, and it just looked so ridiculous." She paused, then pulled a face. "Sorry. This is probably not what you expected to be talking about over dinner."

"It's okay." Bonnie shrugged. _I love how your face lights up when you smile_. "They're not my favorite thing about guys, either. The first time I saw Brock's, I thought it looked scary. The idea he was going to put it inside me ..."

"You're lucky this tastes so good, or all this penis talk would be putting me off my dinner." Joss grinned again, the sight setting Bonnie's heart racing. "You obviously got over your initial reaction."

"Brick was a sweet guy. There wasn't a malicious bone in his body. He was always gentle with me." Bonnie sighed, staring at her glass of soda. "I didn't deserve him."

"Hey." Joss reached across the table and gently laid her own hand over Bonnie's. "Maybe the girl you were back then didn't deserve him, but the woman I'm with at this table is another story. You deserve to have someone special, Bonnie, and one day, you'll find them."

_I think I already have, but I'm too scared to tell her._

"Do you remember the global financial crisis, back in 2008, 2009?" Bonnie watched Joss's face as the younger woman processed the apparent non-sequitur.

"Uh, vaguely?" The Montanan gave the brunette a confused look.

"That's when things changed. When _I_ changed." Reluctantly, Bonnie drew back her hand. _Better that than grabbing her fingers and squeezing them like a lunatic. _"My father was playing the stock market pretty heavily in those days. I don't understand all the ins and outs of it, but he suddenly had to find cash to cover his commitments, or he would have had to sell everything at a loss. I was at Upperton Conservatory, which is one of the most expensive schools in the country. UAH were just trying to get their new performing arts program off the ground, so they were willing to give me a half-scholarship and credit me for the courses I'd already done. Even with accommodation costs, it would be a huge saving. So I had to transfer."

"Wow ..." Joss frowned, her brow crinkling in a way Bonnie found delightful. "Your dad must have been really strapped for cash."

"Yeah." _Just not strapped enough to sell any of his sports cars._

"So comin' to UAH was what changed you?"

"Yeah. The atmosphere here was different than at the Conservatory. There it was all backbiting and bitchiness, just like High School. Here everyone in the department really wanted to work together and prove that UAH could be more than just a school for rocket geeks."

"Hey." Joss protested mildly. "Nothin' wrong with Rocket Geeks."

"Nothing at all." Bonnie agreed, straight-faced. _I guess I should tell her the rest of it._ "Getting away from my family was probably a big part of it, too."

"You're really _not_ close to your family, are you?"

"Hell, no." The brunette vigorously shook her head. "My dad's never home, my mom's a space cadet, and my sisters make Cruella de Ville look like Eleanor Roosevelt. Whenever I spend time with them, I can literally feel 'Old Bonnie' coming back. I call my mom on the phone once a week, and I go visit for a couple of days at Christmas each year. Otherwise, I try not to see them at all."

"Ouch." Joss shook her head. "I can't imagine feeling like that about your own family. My dad's like my best friend. Well, for now. I met this really cool chick here in Huntsville and I'm thinkin' of offerin' the job to her."

"Oh. Who's the lucky woman?" _Whoever she is, I want to kick her ass._

To Bonnie's surprise, the younger woman burst out laughing.

* * *

"Well how was I supposed to know you meant _me_?" Bonnie grumped as they rinsed the plates after dinner.

"What, you think I let just _anyone_ ride Aimee?" Joss grinned, bumping hips with the taller woman as she passed her the next plate. "I've _dated_ women who haven't been that lucky."

"Well ..." Bonnie had to remind herself she was angry to stop a besotted giggle from bubbling out of her throat. "You didn't make it seem like that big a deal when you made the offer."

"Well, I had to be sure Aimee liked you, first."

"Wait." The taller woman stopped in mid-rinse and held up a glove-covered hand. "First: you have your _motorcycle_ vet your friends? Second: Aimee _liked_ me? What does she say to people she _doesn't_ like?"

"Okay. First ..." Joss plucked the freshly-rinsed plate from Bonnie's other hand and placed it in the dishwasher. "Of course I have Aimee vet my friends. Never get between a dyke and her bike, Bonnie. Second, if she doesn't like you, she doesn't say anything. She just sits there silently, letting me look like the kind of weirdo who talks to inanimate objects."

"As opposed to the kind of weirdo who programs inanimate objects to reply?"

"That's not weird, it's eccentric." Joss watched as Bonnie closed the dishwasher. "Aren't you going to start it?"

"Not until we're done with the dessert dishes."

"There's dessert?" The Montanan's eyes brightened.

"Home-made pumpkin pie."

"See, I _knew_ you were a great choice for a best friend. You already know the way to my heart." Joss pretended to swoon.

_Oh, if only that were true._

_

* * *

  
_

**Author's Note: ** For those who are curious about such things, Bonnie's dad had to deal with multiple margin calls on some margin loans he had.

I've got the whole Rockwaller family situation (alluded to here) worked out in my notes. You'll see more of it later in the story, when Bonnie goes home for Xmas. There will be bitchiness aplenty!

So is Bonnie condemned to the "Friends Zone", or will she somehow find a way to admit her feelings and win Joss's heart? Well, since it's one of _my_ stories, I'd bet on the latter happening. Eventually, anyway :)


	7. Field Trip

Bonnie snapped open the lid of her Tupperware container and inhaled the burst of fragrance from within. Taking up the fork she'd brought in from home, the brunette dug into her lunch, savoring the mint and coriander flavors. Around her, the cafeteria bustled with the usual crowd of students and staff. Normally, Bonnie ate there only if she'd made arrangements for lunch with one of her colleagues, but after an entire weekend alone in her apartment, she felt the need to be around people, even if she was the only one at her table.

"Howdy, stranger." A voice broke into her silent meal. "This seat taken?"

Bonnie glanced up, surprised by the interruption. Joss grinned at her, the shorter woman carrying a tray loaded with what the cafeteria promised was food. Mouth full, the brunette nodded, gesturing for the Montanan to take a seat. _Shit, she asked if it was __**taken**__, and I just nodded._ The brunette forced herself to swallow down the food so she could talk, but her throat rebelled at the sudden demand, and only by clamping her lips down hard did Bonnie avoid spraying the entire table with salad. Instead she just made an explosive snort.

Certain her face was now flame red, Bonnie ducked her head and resolutely swallowed down the food.

"Please sit." She managed at last, voice hoarse.

"Sorry fer catchin' you with yer mouth full." The younger woman slide her tray onto the table and dropped down into the chair Bonnie had indicated.

"It's okay." Bonnie waved away the apology and took a gulp of iced tea to soothe her still-complaining throat.

"That smells _great_." Joss leaned forward to peer into Bonnie's container. "What is it?"

"Thai-style salad." The older woman glanced at the items on Joss's tray and raised her eyebrows. "It's certainly more appetizing than what passes for food in this place."

"Yer got _that_ right." The Montanan picked up her own fork and prodded dubiously at the pallid mound on the center plate. "I ain't exactly a fussy eater, and I figured mac'n'cheese was hard to mess up ..." She wrinkled her nose. "... but I think they found a way."

"At least you made a sound choice for dessert." Bonnie pointed at the other plate on Joss's tray. "The muffins here are actually pretty good. What is that, blueberry?"

"Yep." Joss grinned and leaned back. Sunlight from a nearby window splashed across her face, and the color of her eyes shifted from light brown to an almost golden green. Their sudden glow took Bonnie's breath away, and it was a few seconds before she realized the Montanan had asked her something.

"Sorry ... I missed that."

Joss grinned again, leaning forward to tap the muffin with a finger.

"I said 'So you do have a secret vice, after all'." Her impish tone took away any sting from the words, and Bonnie laughed.

"I have plenty of vices, secret and otherwise." She'd meant the remark as a joke, but there was enough truth to the admission that she felt a flush of shame. _Time for a change of topic_. "How was your weekend?"

"Pretty good. I took Aimee up to Atlanta on Saturday."

Bonnie smiled, relieved that Joss didn't seem to have picked up on her moment of unease.

"You make it sound like you and Aimee were on a date."

"Well, she _is_ the number one girl in my life." Joss grinned and took a mouthful of macaroni. She chewed thoughtfully for a few moments, then grabbed the ketchup bottle, squirted a liberal amount onto her plate, and stirred it into the food.

"Gross." Bonnie wrinkled her nose at the now-pink concoction. Joss shrugged.

"At least this way it will taste of _something_."

"Just nothing _I'd_ want to eat."

"Food snob."

"Absolutely." Bonnie grinned, feeling much more comfortable with the lighter tone of the conversation. "Life is too short to eat bad food."

"You are an _amazing_ cook, you know." Joss pointed her fork at the older woman. "That's an unfair advantage over the rest of us."

"I thought you said _you_ could cook?" Bonnie challenged, lightly. Joss snorted.

"I can cook. Steak. Eggs. Chili. That sort of thing. Nothing like what you're capable of." Joss propped her chin on her hand. "You must have done some fancy cooking classes as a kid, right?"

Bonnie laughed.

"God, no. Rockwallers don't cook. They have people to do that for them." She shook her head. "Until I came down here, I never even made my own coffee."

"Really?" Joss's surprise was evident. "So how'd yer end up as Iron Chef Bonnie?"

"Iron _what_?"

"Man. Do you watch _any_ cult TV?"

"Does _Pals_ count?"

"So not." Joss's response sounded so like Kim in that moment that Bonnie gave a startled laugh. Catching the other woman's quizzical look, she waved a hand.

"Sorry. Just a while since I heard that expression." The brunette was silent for a moment, wondering if she should tell the whole story. _No. This isn't the time or the place for that. _"When I came here, I didn't know anyone, and I didn't have the money to order take-out every night. So I bought a cookbook and started experimenting. I just figured it would save money, and help me pass the time, but I found I actually enjoyed it. Trust me ... no-one was more surprised than I was." Bonnie paused, watching with fascinated horror as Joss spooned a gelid mound of pink pasta into her mouth. "Does that taste as bad as it looks?"

"Hmmm." The younger woman chewed slowly, an ambivalent expression on her face. Then she shuddered. "Worse."

"Here." Bonnie pushed her salad across the table. "I'll trade you what's left for a taste of your muffin."

There was a beat of silence, during which Bonnie felt fiery embarrassment consume her. _If spontaneous human combustion is possible, I'm about to prove it._

"Best offer I've had all day." Joss smiled, ignoring – or simply overlooking – the older brunette's unintentional double entendre, and broke the muffin in half. "But I think you deserve more than a taste."

"Thanks." Bonnie took the offered sweetbread and nibbled at a piece. _**Definitely**__ time to change the topic. _"So, did you do anything fun while you were in Atlanta?"

"I spent the day at the Wild World of Crazy-Cola." Joss grinned. "Checking out all the memorabilia and mainlining sugar and caffeine. Then I spent the night dancing off the rush at a women's club."

Bonnie raised her eyebrows. "A club, huh? Don't you have to be twenty-one to get into those, little Miss Nineteen?" She asked lightly.

"Uh ..." Joss put on a grossly exaggerated look of innocence. "Would ya believe it was an all-ages venue?"

Bonnie merely looked at the Montanan, her eyebrows staying in their elevated position.

"Okay, I admit it. I have a fake ID." Joss grinned and leaned forward, putting a finger to her lips. "Shhhh. Don't tell Kim."

The former cheerleader snorted.

"Not much chance of that. I'm not exactly on Kim's speed-dial, you know?"

"Well, you're on mine." Joss pulled her bright red cell phone from her jeans and waggled it in the air. "Don't want to be without a direct hotline t' the best meal in town."

"It's nice to know I'm appreciated." Bonnie remarked dryly, taking a sip of her iced tea. "Is that why we always seem to be meeting over food?"

"Ouch!" The Montanan mimed being stabbed in the heart, then held up one hand in a strange salute. "I swear I value ya f'more than your amazing culinary skills. Pixie Scout's Honor!"

"_You_ were a Pixie Scout?"

"Well, no." Joss lowered her hand and shrugged, giving Bonnie a wicked little grin. "But I've dated girls who used to be. That has ta count for somethin', right?"

"I don't think it's _quite_ the same thing." Bonnie threw her paper napkin at the younger woman, who cowered in mock-terror from the not-so-deadly missile. "So why Atlanta?"

"Why Atlanta what?"

"To go clubbing? You could do that here in town, right?" Bonnie pointed out. "Would have saved a lot of money on gas. Or did you really go for the Wild World of Tooth Decay?"

"Well, that _was_ a major attraction." The Montanan grinned, then shrugged. "But no, the main reason I went there was that ... well, when all yer looking for is some fun ... it can helpful to be able to say 'I'm just in town for the weekend', y'know?"

"Oh ..." Bonnie said tonelessly, her good humor evaporating. Logically, she knew it was unfair for her to feel betrayed: Joss didn't even know she was gay, and certainly hadn't made any promises to her. _But it still hurts_. "And all you were looking for was ... 'some fun'?"

"That was the plan. Kinda ironic, really."

"Ironic?" It was a mistake to ask. Bonnie knew that even as her lips formed the words. But she couldn't help herself.

"Yeah." Joss smiled again, but for once it wasn't sparkling and playful; it was soft and warm and perhaps a little wistful. It was the most horrifying expression Bonnie had ever seen. "'cause I kinda met someone."

* * *

**Author's Note:** _Dun dun DUN!_ The path of true love never did run smooth, and it looks like Bonnie's just hit a major bump in the road.

I'll be working on the next chapter of "Most Wanted" this weekend.


	8. Student Body

"You met someone?" It was an asinine question, but the words squeaked out between Bonnie's reluctant lips. Joss nodded emphatically, auburn locks bouncing, a slightly bashful smile spreading across her face.

"Yeah, I think maybe –"

_Bee-beep bi-bip_.

"... crap." Joss flipped open her chiming cell phone and read the text message she'd received. "I gotta split. They want me over at the lab. Say ... how 'bout we do dinner again this Wednesday?"

"Uh ..." For a moment, Bonnie nearly refused, preferring to spend the evening sulking alone. _Oh, that'd be mature_. "Yeah. I don't have any other plans. My place again?"

"Works for me." Joss grinned. "But it's my turn t'cook."

From somewhere, Bonnie managed to find a playful tone. "Promise you're not planning on macaroni and cheese?" She pointed at the pink, gelid mass on Joss's plate.

"Nuh uh." The Montanan shook her head as she pushed back her chair and stood. "I'll make a big ol' pot o' my dad's famous chili. Sound good?"

"Sounds good." The older woman dredged up a smile that was a pale imitation of her shorter companion's expression. "See you then."

Jamming the remainder of the muffin into her mouth, Joss gave a cheerful wave and walked away. Bonnie stared at her own piece of the sweetbread, then dropped it back on her plate. Suddenly, she didn't have any appetite.

_You're being ridiculous_. She scolded herself. _You give a gorgeous young lesbian every reason to think you're straight, then you mope when she meets someone. It's as stupid as when you flipped out about ..._

The brunette sat upright, letting her thoughts trail off. A glance at her watch told her she had just over an hour until her next class. It wouldn't yet be dark in Scotland. All she needed was somewhere private to make the call.

_The only person who I can talk to about this is the one person who saw the real me, from the moment we met._

_

* * *

  
_

Bonnie remembered fighting down a scowl as she'd sat in her last class of the first week of school. She'd been in a particularly frustrated mood. It was bad enough that her father had forced her to leave Upperton Conservatory – wasting the many hours of effort she'd put into climbing the food chain there – but to transfer her _here_? To the University of Alabama's _Huntsville_ campus? Even the second-rate acting schools looked down their noses at this place. Everyone knew it was strictly for rocket freaks and science geeks.

Not that the school's non-existent reputation for drama studies was the worst of it. Bad enough to send both her sisters into hysterics when they heard, for sure. But the _worst_ of it? Oh no. She couldn't be _that_ lucky. Nor was the worst of it that she was an outsider now: her classmates had spent a year together already. They'd formed their cliques and their bosom friendships, while through no fault of her own, she'd been wasting her efforts in Upperton. That put her at a disadvantage, sure, but there'd never been a friendship she couldn't subvert – _except one_, a little voice reminded her – nor a clique she couldn't break.

_The worst of it_, she thought, her scowl slipping through for a moment,_ is how damn __**nice**__ they all are_. Not fake nice; not 'smile to your face and stab you in the back' nice. They were genuinely nice. They supported each other. They worked together. All the egotism and bitchiness of Upperton Conservatory was absent. _How am I supposed to climb to the top of the pyramid if no-one else is willing to build one?_

"Rather eerie, isn't it?" A voice had intruded on her internal grumbling. It was smooth and cultured, with the precise diction of English public schooling. Bonnie had flicked her eyes to the left, surprised to see that she'd been joined at her desk. The speaker was a sandy-haired young man with gray eyes and extremely fair skin that had turned slightly pink in the Alabama heat. Despite the climate, he wore neatly pressed slacks and a button-up shirt. Seeing that he'd got her attention, he'd gestured languidly at the rest of the room. "The _esprit de corps_ of our classmates, I mean. I feel quite like I've entered the Twilight Zone."

"Huh?"

"I just meant that I'm not used to seeing such camaraderie amongst my peers." The newcomer had continued. "And I rather think that you're not used to it, either." A pale eyebrow rose in question. "I'm Andrew, by the way. Andrew Haversham. Call me Andy."

The former cheerleader remembered how she'd the stranger over, evaluating his place and value. He had handsome, aquiline features, and the lean but not slender body of someone who exercised regularly, but not compulsively. His clothes, though unsuited for the climate, looked tailored and expensive. _Rich, white and good-looking. My father would love him._

"Bonnie Rockwaller." She'd offered her hand, which he'd shaken firmly, but gently. "My last school was a bit more ... competitive than this. I transferred this year. You?"

"Oh, I've been here for two years." Andy had explained. "But I've spent it all in the science and engineering departments. This year, I thought I'd use some electives to spend my time with the beautiful people." He'd gestured vaguely in the direction of Stacy Morgan and Eric Parker. Even now, Bonnie felt a flare of embarrassment that she'd thought he was talking about Stacy. Andy hadn't been wearing a rainbow bracelet and singing Village People tunes, but he'd done just about everything else to give her a clue.

"Is it like this over at NASA Boot Camp?" Bonnie had asked, using the popular slang term for the University's famous science department.

"Definitely not." Andy had flashed his smile for the first time, showing off several thousand dollars' worth of dental artistry. "It's a dog-eat-dog world over there. I have to say, the attitude here makes a nice change. And I think it will help me learn some useful skills."

"Really?" It hadn't been a sentiment Bonnie expected to hear, and her surprise had been obvious. She'd taken his earlier remarks to be mocking her fellow students for their naivety. _He'd better not have been mocking __**me**__, instead._

"Yes." Andy had nodded. "I mean ... don't get me wrong, I enjoy competition, and the chance to prove myself. And I see the value in teaching people how to push themselves and their work. But once we're in real jobs, we need to be able to work _with _people, not just compete with them. My family's in the aerospace industry, for instance. If I join the firm, I'll be working on projects that involve dozens of engineers and other specialists. It doesn't matter how good I am as an individual if I can't deliver as part of a team, as well."

"Maybe." Bonnie had been willing to accept his argument ... to a point. "But it's different when you're in an industry that revolves around auditioning for a part. Then you need to sell _yourself_; not the team."

"That's true." Andy had acknowledged. "But what if, once you _have_ a role, you find out that someone else in the cast isn't up to it? Maybe they got the part because they're related to the producer. If they put in a terrible performance, the whole movie suffers, right?" He'd waited for Bonnie's answering nod, then continued. "So if we learn something here about how to help others, then in the end we're really learning something to help ourselves."

Bonnie had nodded again, more because she'd known it was expected than because she truly believed Andy's argument. Her mind had been occupied with assessing the young man's attributes. From the way he dressed and talked, his family was rich. The accent was good too; made him seem more exotic. Plus he was attractive, as guys went. They'd make a good-looking couple if they were seen together. He even seemed articulate and intelligent. _Not sure if that's good or bad, yet_. And presumably he was interested in her, or he wouldn't have started the conversation. On the whole, he seemed like a good investment of her time. It certainly wouldn't hurt to be seen with him.

"You've obviously thought about this." She'd given him a teasing grin. "Are you a secret plant by the faculty, or something?"

As hoped, Andy had laughed.

"Just a student, I promise." He'd paused, then asked. "How about we get a coffee after class, or something? I figure a geek like me is going to need all the help he can get in this class, and since neither of us know anyone else ..."

"Sure." Bonnie had smiled, sure the fish was on the hook, though – as she would eventually discover – she was using entirely the wrong bait.

* * *

In many ways, Andy Haversham had been Bonnie's idea of the perfect boyfriend. He was wealthy, charming, and impeccably polite. He was also intelligent, with a sly sense of humor and a surprising lack of arrogance. He was handsome, dressed well, and actually had something useful to offer when she asked his opinion on an outfit ... which, in hindsight, should have told her something.

Best of all, at least at first, was his willingness to take it slow on the physical front. It wasn't that he was afraid to touch her: when they were out together he would often take her hand or her arm, and it wasn't long before they hugged whenever they met or parted. He would even, from time to time, give her a chaste but friendly kiss on the cheek or the lips.

And that was where it stopped. Which was not at _all_ how Bonnie expected men to act. Brick had been a sweet guy, but five seconds after they'd start kissing, he'd have his tongue in her mouth, and five seconds after that, he'd be trying to get his hand under her blouse. Andy never did that. He seemed perfectly content to leave things as they were. The irony was, that after years of wishing she could find a boyfriend who wouldn't push her for sex, the brunette had found herself wondering _why_ he didn't want it. Did Andy not find her attractive? Was he planning to leave her?

It wasn't that she'd had any sexual interest in Andy. She loved him like a brother. Or at least, how she imagined a brother was supposed to be loved. Her relationship with her sisters didn't really give her a good frame of reference about that. But it was the fact that she cared for him _at all_ that had made her anxious. If Bonnie was honest with herself; and she always was, no matter how much she might lie to others; she'd always treated her 'friends' in the past as tools or lackeys, not as equals. She'd chosen them _because_ they were less intelligent than her, or not as attractive, or not as wealthy. She'd hand-picked them to be the betas to her Alpha. Even now, six years after she finished high school, the former cheerleader felt guilty about the way she'd cut all contact with Tara when she left for college.

For the first time, she was spending time with someone who was every bit as smart as her, whose family was at least as wealthy as hers, and who – to judge from the admiring glances she'd seen him get – was just as attractive as she was. And she had discovered that she didn't want to lose the affection they shared. And if their relationship ended, so would their friendship, she was sure.

Things came to a head for Bonnie after Andy's father flew in for a visit from the UK. The elder Haversham had rented a beautiful apartment on the Gulf Coast, and Andy and Bonnie had flown down to spend a long weekend with him. To Bonnie's surprise, the apartment had been two-bedroom, and Andy's father clearly expected the younger couple would share a bed. Her own father would have burst a blood vessel if someone had suggested it to him.

Her heart had been pounding and her mouth had been dry as they got ready for bed that night. _This is it._ She had thought to herself, feeling both relieved and distressed that they had finally got to 'the moment'.

And Andy had kissed her good night, wished her sweet dreams, then rolled away from her and fallen asleep without another word.

Bonnie had been too astonished to say anything at the time, but two days after they got back, she had screwed up her courage and taken a cab over to Andy's apartment. As she walked past the complex's pool, she noticed the various cleaning tools lying around, but thought nothing much of it. Letting herself in with the key Andy had given her, she'd heard noises from the bedroom and walked straight through to speak with her supposed boyfriend.

And then she'd freaked out.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay between chapters. No excuses, I've just been lazy :-)

A slightly longer chapter than normal, at least for this fic. Despite that, I am trying to keep the back-story of Bonnie and Andy's relationship as brief as possible, since it's not the focus of the fic. I felt it needed to be covered though, since it has a lot to do with Bonnie's transition from someone who hides her insecurity behind arrogance and hostility to someone who hides her insecurity by, well ... hiding.

Whether she can overcome her insecurity ... and the threat of a new woman in Joss's life ... will be the subject of future chapters!


	9. Old Boys Network

"I still can't believe you had no idea I was gay." Andy laughed, his voice slightly fuzzy from the transatlantic connection.

"I still can't believe you knew I _was_." Bonnie pretended to complain.

"It helped that the first time I walked into class, I saw you checking out Stacy Morgan's bum." Andy playfully teased. "Still ... I should have said something, rather than assuming you knew about me."

When the brunette had walked in on her supposed boyfriend, locked in a naked clinch with Butch the Pool Boy – _who names their kid __**Butch**__, anyway?_ – she'd exploded with outrage, spewing curses that would have driven her father to apoplectic rage and her mother to have a 'nice lie down' (and probably a stiff drink). She'd ranted and raved and accused Andy of every kind of betrayal imaginable. Then she'd burst into tears.

Andy had held her until she'd stopped, and when she'd finally calmed down, they'd talked for hours. Poor Butch had gone back to his pool-cleaning duties, blue-balled and completely confused.

"Not your fault." Bonnie insisted, for what felt like the fiftieth time. It seemed as if Andy apologized for that day almost every time they spoke. "You know that when it comes to affairs of the heart, I haven't got a brain."

"Hey now." Her former beard clucked disapprovingly. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I'm a lesbian who has only ever had relationships with men." Bonnie pointed out. "And –" she continued, injecting a little humor into her tone. "- the most successful of those relationships was with a man who's fruitier than one of Carmen Miranda's hats."

"At least he was devilishly handsome." Andy laughed. "But I guess you didn't call me just to talk about old times, right?"

"No." The brunette sighed and slumped down on her couch. Sometimes living so close to the campus felt a bit stifling, but this was one occasion where she was glad her home was only ten minutes' walk from work. She tilted her head back and gently rubbed her temple with her free hand. "I met someone -"

"That's great!" Andy interrupted excitedly. "Who is she? What's she like? How long have you known her?"

Bonnie sighed. "Wait ... wait a second, Andy. I met someone ... I met someone I'm really interested in. But I think I've already messed things up."

The whole sorry situation spilled out of her, disjointed and meandering, as new thoughts and memories occurred to Bonnie. Andy listened almost silently, only occasionally speaking to guide her back on topic when she became sidetracked.

"You really like this Joss, don't you?" He said at last, when the former cheerleader had finally talked herself dry.

"Yes." Bonnie whispered, then cleared her throat and spoke again, more clearly. "Yes. I do."

"And you're sure it's not ..."

"Sure it's not just that she's Kim's cousin?" Bonnie forced down a flare of annoyance at the question she'd known would come. _Andy knows about all the stupid stuff I did in high school. It's not unreasonable for him to ask_. "Yeah, Andy. I am. That's not what this is about. I was attracted to Joss before I knew who she was, and I like her for herself, not because of what I felt for Kim."

"Okay." Her one-time boyfriend accepted her response without dispute, showing more trust in Bonnie than she felt in herself. "... from what you've said about her, it sounds like she's very open about her sexuality. You're -"

"Not?" Bonnie suggested, giving an embittered chuckle at her own expense.

"Not currently." Her British friend agreed, his tone mild. "But to be with this woman, that would have to change. Joss is out of the closet, and there's no way back in once you're out ..." he gave a wry chuckle. "Trust me on that one. My father would have stuffed me back in there if he could."

"Is he still having trouble with it?" Bonnie frowned, her concern for her friend distracting her for a moment from her own difficulties. Andy had finally come out to his father shortly after he finished his time at Huntsville and returned to England. It had come as a great shock to the older man, and his reaction at the time had been none too accepting. _I hope it hasn't stayed that way. They used to be so close._

"He'd definitely prefer it if his son and heir wasn't a great big whoopsy." Andy's tone was dry. "But he's trying. Can't ask for much more than that."

"Give him my love when you speak to him."

"I will." Andy paused, then returned them to the original topic of conversation. "The thing is, honey, that Joss doesn't sound like the kind to hide her light under a bushel ... if you want to date her, you're not going to be able to hide who you are any more."

"I ..." Bonnie trailed off, feeling her stomach clench as the truth of Andy's words sank in. "I'm not ready to do that."

Andy gave a sympathetic sigh. "Oh babe, I'm sorry ... but you know what that means. You can't be with her -"

"And I can't stop her from being with someone who can." Bonnie groaned and rubbed her closed eyelids. "Why am I such a _screw-up_?"

"You're _not_." Andy spoke emphatically, his tone almost stern. Then he gave a light chuckle. "Though if you were, _I'd_ blame your father."

Despite her own grim mood, the glib remark surprised a chuckle out of Bonnie. "Harsh! And he really liked you, too. The last time we spoke he was still asking why I let you get away."

"Pity you don't have any brothers." Andy joked. "Then I could have become the son-in-law he's always wanted."

"I doubt he'd agree." Bonnie shook her head. _God, daddy would probably have an aneurism if that happened._

"Hey ..." Andy's voice took on a contemplative tone. "When have you next got some time off?"

"Huh?" Bonnie blinked at the change in subject, then mentally shrugged and went along with it. _Might be good to think about something other than Joss for a while_. "... um, October mid-term break, I guess. But I'll be pretty snowed under with marking, then. First real time off I will have is at Thanksgiving."

"That's around the end of November, right?"

"Yeah." Bonnie instinctively nodded, then rolled her eyes at her own action. _Yeah, like he can see you over the telephone_. "It's a Thursday, but they give us the Wednesday and Friday off so we get a five-day weekend."

"Got any plans for it? Going to see your family or anything like that?"

"God, no." The university lecturer gave a shudder at the thought. _Bad enough I have to suffer through Christmas with my sisters. There's no way I'm ruining Thanksgiving, as well._ "Why d'you want to know? Are you thinking of coming over?"

"Actually, I was thinking you could come visit me. I can't promise that the weather will be as good as you're used to ... in fact I can guarantee it'll be pretty miserable ... but I could show you around my favorite haunts and it would give you a chance to meet Eric."

"Eric?" Bonnie's eyebrows shot upwards. "What happened to Pierre?"

"Alas ..." Andy spoke in a melodramatic tone. "The Anglo-French Détente is over. Too much drama and Catholic guilt. Give me a nice, sensible German boy instead."

"Well, at least you're doing your bit for European relations." Bonnie teased. She expected an instantaneous quip in response, and was surprised when Andy was silent for a moment. When he did speak again, it was in a much more serious tone than she's expected.

"I really like him, Bon." There was a wistfulness and warmth that Bonnie had never heard Andy use when speaking of his many paramours. "I think this is going to be something special."

"Well then, I definitely need to meet him." The brunette replied. As she spoke, she reached into her bag and fished out her checkbook. Flicking it open to the last used check, she gave an involuntary wince when she saw the balance. "I'll have to check my budget. I'm not sure I'll have the cash for a ticket -"

"Oh, don't worry about _that_." Andy sniffed dismissively. "I'll get the tickets."

"I can't ask you to do that ..."

"You aren't asking, I'm offering." Her former boyfriend pointed out. "Besides, I have so many air miles, I don't know what to do with them all."

"Oh, so I'd be doing you a _favour_." Bonnie snorted.

"You would." Andy blithely agreed. "I mean, I _really_ want you to meet Eric, so if you don't agree to come here, then I have to buy tickets for both of us to come to see you."

"..." That was a point that Bonnie hadn't considered.

"C'mon, Bon." Andy coaxed. "It'll give you a chance to meet Eric, and the three of us can hit the clubs ... maybe find you a holiday romance."

"I'm not sure about that -"

"I was kidding, love." Andy clucked his tongue. "Well, mostly. It wouldn't be that bad an idea, you know. No-one knows you here. You can come out with us, let your hair down ... flirt a little. It's just what the doctor ordered."

"Andy ..."

"I'm booking your tickets now."

"You're not!"

"I am." He insisted, cheerfully. "I'm on the website as we speak. This won't even make a dent in my miles, Bonnie. And it would mean a lot to me if you came. Say yes."

"Gah." The brunette growled softly, then slumped back on the couch. "Fine. Yes, I'll come."

"Fantastic!" Andy exclaimed, happily. "I'll e-mail the ticket details to you. Trust me, Bonnie. You won't regret this ... we're going to have a great time!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** This chapter has been sitting half-finished for a while, but I wanted to update "Most Wanted" before I completed this.

So, Bonnie's off to the UK for Thanksgiving. Wonder if that's going to be significant to a future chapter? *_dodges falling anvil_* :-)


	10. Academic Rival

"Howdy, stranger." Joss's voice rose from behind a huge steel pot. All Bonnie could see of the younger woman were her jeans-clad legs and her hands, clutching the handles of the vat-like metal object.

"Uh ..." The theater lecturer blinked at what looked from her perspective like an enormous, ambulatory pot. "That's a lot of food. Did you invite several football teams I don't know about, or are you just really hungry?"

"Chili ain't worth makin' unless you make it big." Joss proclaimed, one hazel eye peering around the side of the huge steel vessel. "C'n I come in?"

"Oh, of course." Bonnie stepped aside. "Can you see where you're going?"

"More or less." The Montanan replied cheerfully, as she maneuvered through the door and carried the pot over to the stove-top. "Mind if I warm this up a bit? It's all fully cooked, but it'll have cooled off some on the trip over."

"Go ahead. You didn't carry that thing over on your bike, did you?" It was a frightening, if rather absurd, mental image.

"Aimee? No, I had to leave my baby girl at home." Joss settled the pot in place, and then wiped her brow with the back of her hand. "I've got a crappy old sedan I use whenever I need baggage space." She wrinkled her nose. "It's nowhere near as much fun to drive, though."

"Do you want something to drink?" Bonnie offered, gesturing at the fridge. She was too nervous to feel thirsty herself, but she'd mentally rehearsed this line too often not to use it. "I got some of that pre-fabricated orange juice, since you thought the do-it-yourself stuff was too much work." _That sounded totally stupid. Idiot._

Despite Bonnie's opinion of her delivery, Joss chuckled at the attempted joke. "Just tap water would be great, actually." She turned the gas burner to low. "I don't want anythin' to interfere with tastin' the chili."

"You're pretty proud of this stuff, huh?" Bonnie peered over the other woman's shoulder. She had to admit the viscous, bubbling mixture was giving off a tantalizing aroma.

"Heck, yeah." Joss nodded. "I learned this recipe as a kid. It's awesome. Best quality ground beef, jalapenos, fresh vine-ripened tomatoes, plenty of beans, garlic and onions, and my dad's secret chili mix."

"Your dad has a special recipe? What's in it?"

"It's a _secret_ chili mix."

"Oh ... sorry."

"I'm kidding." Joss grinned, gently bumping her shoulder against the taller woman's. "Actually, t'be honest, dad did tell me, but I don't remember the full list. There's cumin, I remember that. I can ask him to send me the recipe, if ya like."

"That'd be cool. Thanks." Bonnie stepped over to the sink, filled a glass with water and pushed it along the counter to Joss. Then, more to keep her hands busy than any other reason, she filled one for herself. "I, uh, made up some cornbread this afternoon if you'd like to have that with the chili."

"Cornbread? You made cornbread?" Bonnie couldn't see Joss's face, but she could hear the pleasure in the younger woman's tone.

"Yeah. Honey butter, too."

"Honey butter?" Joss turned, a huge smile on her face. "Bonnie Rockwaller, you may be the perfect woman. Wanna run off to Canada and get hitched?"

_Yes_.

"Uh, I have classes in the morning. Can't really miss them. Sorry."

"Darn." The shorter woman gave a dramatic sigh. "The good ones always have classes to take in the morning." She grinned at Bonnie again, then lifted a spoonful of chili to her mouth and took a taste. "Mmmmm. Just a minute more and this'll be ready to eat."

"... speaking of the good ones ... who's this woman you met?" It was a question to which the former cheerleader didn't really want an answer, but which she couldn't stop herself from asking. All things considered, she was pleased - if a little surprised - at how casual she'd managed to sound. _Guess all those acting lessons did some good after all_.

"Well ..." Joss tapped the spoon on the edge of the pot a couple of times. "... whattya want to know about her?"

"A name would be a good start." The older woman managed to keep her tone lightly teasing. "So I don't have to keep calling her 'that woman'." _Though there are plenty of other names I'd be happy to use._

"I guess it would be a good start, at that." The Montanan grinned. She glanced around. "Where do you keep your bowls? Thanks." She pulled open the drawer Bonnie had indicated and removed two pale green bowls. "Her name's Reba. Reba Aun."

"Reba _Hound_? As in a dog?" _Or a bi-. _The former cheerleader clamped down on the thought. That was a little too 'High School Bonnie' for her to feel comfortable.

"_Aun_. No H, no D. And spelled with an A, not an O. It's Vietnamese." Joss began ladling the chili into the bowls.

"Oh." Bonnie's instinctive dislike of the new woman in Joss's life bled into her tone. "So, is 'Reba' a common name in Vietnam?"

"Why, Miss Bonnie Rockwaller." Joss adopted an atrocious attempt at a deep Southern accent. "Ah do declare that is the nearest Ah have evah heard you come to bein' unkind. What has poor Reba evah done to y'all?"

"I can see why you're a rocket scientist, and not an actress." Bonnie recovered herself, returning to the light, bantering tone she'd used before. "It just seemed an odd combination. I didn't intend it to sound mean." _Liar_.

"So not the drama." The younger woman accepted the explanation at face value. "Reba's dad is Vietnamese, but he came over as a child refugee during the war, so he grew up here in the States. Reba had to take lessons to learn Vietnamese because her dad barely speaks it. Her mom's all-Alabama stock." She picked up the bowls of chili. "I'll take these to the table. We eatin' on the balcony again?"

"Yeah, I set up the cutlery out there since it's a nice night. I'll get the cornbread and butter." Bonnie followed the younger woman outside, and placed everything onto the table, then quickly ducked inside again to bring out their waters. "So, her mom's from Alabama, but Reba lives in Atlanta?"

"Nah, she was just in town for a conference." Joss shook her head as she took a piece of cornbread and lathered it with honey butter. "She lives in Decatur." The younger woman took a bite of the cornbread and gave a moan of pleasure. "Miff if awefome." She congratulated the chef, her mouth still half-full, then blushed and covered her mouth with her hand.

"Thanks." Torn between amusement at the younger woman's less-than-genteel appreciation of her food, and disappointment at learning of Reba's home town, Bonnie kept her answer short. Decatur_ ... that's less than thirty miles from here_. It had been her uncharitable hope that the three hour drive to Atlanta would put a strain on an ongoing relationship. _Try to be a grown-up: you can't give Joss a relationship, so it's not fair to stand in the way of this one. In this case, green is __**not**__ your color. _"So, have you guys met up for a second date, yet?"

Joss shook her head. "Not yet. I did call her yesterday, though. Reba suggested doin' something tonight, but I already had plans." The Montanan gestured at Bonnie and the food-laden table.

"Oh ... you should have called me. We could have rescheduled." It was the hardest thing Bonnie had ever said. _Being a grown-up sucks_.

"Hell, no." Joss pulled a face at the suggestion. "I knew a girl in college who got a new boyfriend ... she'd make plans with friends, then cancel them to be with him. I think that sucks."

"Well, you know ... the rush of young love and all that." Bonnie reasoned. "I'm sure it meant a lot to her boyfriend to know he was her first priority."

"I'm sure it meant a lot to him to know he could get a booty call whenever he wanted one." Joss snorted uncharitably. "I mean, I get that when you meet someone new, ya wanna spend time with 'em. I wanna spend time with Reba. And if it's an emergency of some kind, that'd be different. But it wasn't, and I think it'd be pretty damn rude to invite m'self over here like I did, then ditch ya at the last minute just because I got a 'better offer'." She put down her spoon long enough to make air quotes with her fingers. Despite their conversation, which had left Bonnie's chili almost untouched, the Montanan had somehow managed to demolish three-quarters of a bowl.

It would probably have been the grown-up thing to point out that Reba might not appreciate being told that a prior commitment was more important than seeing her. _But there are limits to how grown-up one woman can be during a single night_.

"Anyway, I'm gonna drive over to Decatur tomorrow night, instead." Joss continued. "And both our schedules are clear this weekend, so we're gonna get together then, as well. I'm sure as hell not gonna ignore her, or not call, or anythin' like that. I don't play all those bullshit games." The shorter woman looked down at her bowl, which was now empty. "I'm gonna get some more chili. You got everythin' you need, for now?"

Bonnie nodded. Her own bowl was still more than half-full. "Yes, thanks. This is really good, by the way. Tell your dad I'm impressed."

"Thanks. I will." Joss slipped inside, and returned soon after with another giant helping of the thick, rich meal. For a few minutes, both women concentrated on their food, until Bonnie broke the silence, curiosity winning out over dread.

"So where specifically did you meet Reba?"

Joss paused in the midst of raising her spoon to her mouth, then put it back in her bowl. "Do you know the women's clubs in Atlanta?"

"Sure." Bonnie answered without thinking, then silently cursed herself as she saw the flicker of surprise in Joss's expression. _Crap_. Her mind raced for an explanation of her answer. "I mean, I've never been in any of them, but I work in the Theater department, you know? I hear stuff from my students and colleagues." _That's all true enough ... it just isn't the whole story. But it would be hard to explain why I've read about these clubs so often._

"Oh ... right." The younger woman nodded in reply, her eyes wandering out across the view from the balcony. "We met at, uh, _Eve's_. Do you know it?"

Bonnie had been told once that a shark could scent blood in the water from up to a mile away. And for years, she'd dedicated herself to being _Jaws_ in the ocean of High School angst: training herself to recognize weakness, to know instinctively when an embarrassing secret was being hidden, or when a verbal barb had struck home with particular force. It was a skill gone rusty with disuse, but even so, every aspect of the younger woman's tense, slightly hunched posture screamed one message to the dormant predator in her brain.

_Joss is lying_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Now why would Joss lie about where she met Reba? And could I have come up with a worse pun for a name? (Yes, yes I could.)

I gotta say, it's kinda fun letting 'the old Bonnie' peek through from time to time, as happens in this chapter.

The basic outline of the rest of this tale is now all plotted out. The last couple of nebulous plot points got nailed down over the weekend. Huzzah! Of course, I have no idea how many chapters it will work out to be. Stuff always seems to take longer than I expect :)


	11. Prior Studies

"I've heard of _Eve's_." Bonnie acknowledged, her mind racing. "It has quite a reputation." _As a hook-up joint. _It was a perfectly logical place for Joss to go to find 'some fun'. And yet, it wasn't where she'd met Reba: that much was obvious from the younger woman's suddenly tense body language. _Why would she lie about where they met?_ Bonnie opened her mouth to ask exactly that, then closed it again. _Does it matter?_ There was obviously something Joss didn't feel comfortable sharing. Bonnie would respect that. _Joss is a friend, not one of my High School victims. Let her have her secret. I'm keeping enough of them from her._

"It's ... quite lively." Joss agreed.

"So who made the first move?" Bonnie didn't really want to know the details, but the topic was like a scab: she couldn't help picking at it.

"I did." Joss rested her chin on her hand, looking relaxed again as the conversation moved away from the topic of _where_ she and Reba had met. "I noticed her straight away. She stood out 'cause of how she was dressed."

"Oh? Something sexy?" The older woman just about managed to keep the hostility out of her voice.

The younger woman chuckled. "Nope. Like I said ... _Eve's _-" there was the moment of discomfort about the location, again. "- is pretty lively. There's always a lot of flesh on display. I noticed Reba because she was wearin' a business suit. She'd been at dinner for the conference she was at, then she'd come straight to the club."

"A conference? Something for her work?"

"She's a dentist, so I didn't ask too many questions about what the conference was about." Joss wrinkled her nose. "It was probably for somethin' like gum disease. Not really 'first date' conversation material."

"I guess not." Bonnie managed a chuckle of her own, even as she felt her heart sink at the word 'date'. "So you approached her?"

Joss nodded. "Yeah. We got to talking ... hung out together at the club for a few hours ... then went back to her hotel and talked some more."

"Just talked? I thought ..." _You were after 'some fun'._

"Well, there was some ... cuddlin'." Joss glanced down, looking almost bashful. "But nothing more ... not yet, anyway. I ... I just feel that if ya want more'n a fling, y'should take things a little more slowly. It's like with bikes ... going full throttle from the start makes for a fun ride, but it can also make for a short one."

Despite herself, Bonnie laughed. "Tell me you didn't just compare romance to riding a motorbike?"

The younger woman grinned. "I'm a scientist, not a poet."

"I can see why." The former cheerleader couldn't resist the gentle barb, but her mind was already turning to less playful topics. "So ... uh, is this the first time you've been interested in more than just a fling?"

Joss shook her head. "No ... if things with Reba work out, it'll be the third time I've been serious about someone."

"Third?" _At your age?_

The younger woman gave a soft chuckle at Bonnie's surprise. "Don't worry, I don't fall as fast or as often as that makes it sound." She paused and drummed her fingers on the table for a moment, then shrugged. "I don't wanna bore you with this stuff -"

"I'm not bored." Bonnie waved away the suggestion. _Even if we didn't say a word, I wouldn't be bored_. "So ... numbers one and two ... high school sweetheart and college romance?"

Joss gave another soft snort of laughter. "Somethin' like that." She admitted. "I met my first girlfriend when I was seven ... not that she was my girlfriend then, o' course ... that came later."

"I guessed as much." Bonnie let her lips curl up into a playful smile. "Seven years old seemed a little precocious, even for you."

"Thanks ... I think." Joss's tone was dry. "Her folks bought the old Parker place next to our ranch. Some kind of mid-life crisis, 'back to the earth' kinda deal. I met Saffy when they came over to ask my dad to help them home school her -"

"Saffy?"

"Short for Saffron. Saffron Ruby Clough. Her parents picked the names because she was so precious to them -" Joss caught Bonnie's raised eyebrows and grinned. "- yeah, the Cloughs were ..."

"Hippies?"

Joss cocked her head to one side and grinned. "I was gonna say 'new age', but 'hippies' is probably close enough."

"So you guys were home-schooled together."

"We pretty much did _everything_ together. Apart from a couple of summers where her folks dragged her off on these 'experience the real America' road-trips, Saffy and I were pretty much inseparable for ..." Joss quickly counted off on her fingers. "... close to nine years."

"Wow ... that's a long time."

"Well, we weren't a couple for most of that." Joss gave a teasing grin. "Not until the coupla years or so ... I mean ... I knew by the time I was eleven that I liked Saffy in a different way than any of my other friends ... but ..."

"But?" Bonnie prompted, her curiosity piqued.

"... well, I was scared." Joss admitted, shrugging her shoulders. "What if Saffy didn't feel how I felt? What if she thought it was _disgusting_?" There was a vehemence to that last word that took Bonnie by surprise. _What's __**that**__ about?_ "I was petrified of losing what we had."

"So how did you get over it?"

Joss chuckled, and took a sip of water. "_I_ didn't. It was Saffy who made the first move ... she was a year older ... maybe a little wiser, a little more sure of herself ... or maybe the fact that I was making goo-goo eyes at her all the time gave her a hint." The Montanan chuckled and shook her head ruefully. "I was never much good at hidin' my feelings."

_Funny. I'm an expert at it._

"So when did this happen?"

"My thirteenth birthday." Joss waggled her eyebrows. "You could say I gotta bit more than a peck on the cheek for my birthday kiss."

"So I guess you weren't ever 'sweet sixteen and never been kissed'?"

"... I'd done a lot more than kissin' by the time I was sixteen." The younger woman gave a cheeky grin. Then the smile faded, and she shook her head. "Saffy and I ... it was your classic first love, I guess ... we were convinced we'd be together forever."

"We don't have to talk about this ..." Bonnie offered again. "I don't want to dredge up painful -"

"It's okay." Joss waved the offer away, then gave a soft sigh. "Saffy and me ... it's in the past. I just ... still feel a bit guilty about the way things ended between us."

"Oh." Bonnie wasn't sure what to say. She knew what she _wanted_ to ask. _But do I want to hear the answer?_

Joss sighed again, and gave a rueful half-smile. "It's not as bad as I just made it sound. At least, I don't think it is. I didn't cheat on her, if that's what you're thinkin'."

"Oh." Bonnie said again, feeling a little foolish after she'd done so. "That's good. So ... what _did_ happen?"

"I went away to college."

"The long-distance thing didn't work out?"

"Actually, we handled that stage of things pretty well." The younger woman drummed her fingers on the table, obviously considering how to explain herself. "It was when I came back home ... after finishin' my degree, but before startin' my doctorate ... that things had changed." She paused, then shook her head. "No, not 'things'. Me. _I_ changed."

Joss was silent for a moment after saying that, and Bonnie almost prompted her to continue. _No. Give her space_. Instead of speaking, the older woman leaned forward and poured a small splash of wine into the Montanan's now-empty water glass.

"Thanks." The younger woman took a sip, then raised her eyebrows in silent question.

"Special occasion. You looked like you needed it." Bonnie waved a finger in mock admonition. "Don't expect this to be a regular thing, young lady."

"No ma'am." Joss stuck out her tongue, giving a slight chuckle and looking a little more relaxed. "You remember I talked about how Saffy and I thought we'd be together forever?" She waited for Bonnie's answering nod, then continued. "Well, before I'd gone away to college, we'd talked about our future ... we'd made plans ... about how I'd come home after I finished school, and we'd work together on my dad's ranch, and have a commitment ceremony, then kids -"

"_Kids_?" Bonnie blinked, "But ..." She trailed off. "That's a big step, isn't it? Especially so young."

"By the time I finished school, Saffy would have been eighteen. She would have had our first. A year or two later, I would have had our second."

"_You_ were going to have one of the kids?"

Joss nodded emphatically. "Havin' a kid is definitely somethin' I wanted to do. I still want t'do it, one day."

"Really?" Bonnie considered this, then shrugged, feeling a little uncomfortable. "I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for that."

Joss's eyes widened. "Are you kiddin'? You'd make a _great_ mom."

The older woman made a non-committal grunt, not wanting to argue about families. _The less I think about mine, the happier I am._

"So ... what ..." Bonnie trailed off, unsure how to frame the question.

"What went wrong?" Joss sighed. "I changed my mind. My second year o' college was the first time I'd been away from home f'more than a few days. I'd just turned sixteen and suddenly realized how much was out there in the world. NASA had just talked to me to the first time, about what I might do once I'd finished my studies. I mean ... my ultimate plans were still the same ... one day I wanted t'go back to the ranch and raise some kids of my own ... it was just ... I felt like I'd had my eyes opened to how much else there was out there to see and do, first. I told Saffy that after my Doctorate, I wanted to spend a few years workin' and travelin', before we settled down."

"That seems reasonable enough ... Saffy didn't agree?"

"Saffy didn't want to travel ... she didn't want to wait for children. She wanted to do what we'd agreed."

Bonnie frowned. "That doesn't seem very fair of her."

"We'd made plans. _Promises_ to one another. I was the one who was changin' things."

"You were _sixteen_!" Bonnie protested. "Change is natural at that age. Hell, _I've_ definitely changed since I was sixteen, and that's a damn good thing."

"Maybe." Joss didn't look convinced, but then she shrugged. "She said that t'her, it felt like me sayin' 'I want to wait' meant 'I'm not sure about us'. Maybe wasn't ... I dunno. Anyway ... I knew I wasn't ready to settle down, and Saffy wasn't willin' to wait, so we ended up splittin'."

"Are you still in touch?"

"... kinda." Joss looked a little pensive. "Saffy's folks still live in the ranch next t' my dad, so he hears a bit about what she's doin' ... she's met someone new and they're expectin' their first child in a couple months. So, I guess in the end she got what she wanted ... just not with me."

"You weren't ready." Bonnie protested.

"Are you ever ready for kids?" The Montanan raised her eyebrows.

"I'm _not_ the one to ask."

"I'm tellin' ya, you'll make a great mom one day."

"Maybe." The older woman decided to change the subject. "So that was your first big relationship ... what about your second?"

"Ah ..." Joss cleared her throat, looking suddenly uncomfortable. "I'm about tapped out f'talkin', t'be honest. Is it okay if I just say that I met someone while I was doin' my Doctorate, but that after six months together, it turned out we wanted different things?"

"Sure. This is a conversation, not an inquisition." _Big red flag on that one. Definitely a bad break-up. _The former cheerleader stood, gathering up the empty plates. _Time to change the subject. _ "Are you full, or do you think you could squeeze in some pumpkin pie?"

"Oh man That sounds temptin'." Joss leaned back in her chair and pulled up her t-shirt far enough to slap her flat expanse of stomach. "Give me five minutes to let this settle and I think maybe I can squeeze in a small slice."

* * *

In the end, the Montanan found the room for not just one, but two decent-sized slices of pie, though the second came with the rueful remark that she might end up the same shape as the titular ingredient.

It was after ten by the time Joss finally left through the front door, the vast pot of chili once more in her arms. They'd just said their goodbyes, and Bonnie was about to close the door, when the younger woman turned back.

"Listen," she cocked her head to one side. "I meant what I said earlier about not f'getting' yer friends just 'cos ya got a new romance in yer life. I wanna make sure we keep some time aside to stay in touch. So ... do ya wanna make this a regular thing? Wednesday nights, I mean? We don't have to do dinner every week. We can catch a movie or somethin', instead. Whatever you like."

"Sure. That'd be good. I'll check the listings on the weekend and let you know if there's anything I want to see."

"Great." Joss grinned. "It's a date."

_If only_.

* * *

**Author's Note: **A little more information about Reba, and a bunch more about Joss's past. Plus I got to use my number one favorite pun name ever (at least for this week).

Off to Darwin next week, for a 5-day holiday. Not sure what impact, if any, this will have on my writing output. But it can't be any more adverse than buying new computer games has been, of late :)


	12. Staff Meetings

Bonnie was pleasantly surprised. Despite Joss's adamant declaration that she wouldn't let her new relationship monopolize her time, the former cheerleader had more than half expected their agreed Wednesday night get-togethers would be an intermittent affair at best.

But after six weeks, Joss hadn't cancelled a single time. Usually, the two women simply had dinner at Bonnie's, chatting comfortably with each other, though on the second week they had taken a trip up the interstate to have dinner and catch an art-house movie Bonnie was keen to see. Joss had enjoyed the meal; the movie, less so ... they'd argued good-naturedly about it over coffee afterwards, heads bent together over the small table, until the Montanan had suddenly backed off, opening a gap between them.

Bonnie frowned, unsure what had just happened. "Is something wrong?"

"We're just attractin' some unwanted attention." Joss slid her eyes to the right. Following the younger woman's gaze, Bonnie saw an elderly couple, watching them with disapproving expressions.

"Oh." The former cheerleader blushed and looked down, even as she felt a stab of anger. Not at Joss. Not even, really, at the older couple, despite their stone age attitudes. But at herself, for letting those attitudes matter so much to her.

"Risk o' bein' seen out with me, I'm afraid." Joss shrugged apologetically. "Some folks are gonna think I'm corruptin' ya."

"Not your fault." Bonnie mumbled, as she stared at her coffee.

"We can go, if you like?"

"... no." The former cheerleader shook her head, then glanced up at Joss. "We haven't finished our drinks, yet."

"'kay." Joss gave her that smile; that, dazzling, playful smile, this time sweetened by the gratitude Bonnie saw shining in the younger woman's eyes.

It was a small enough gesture, finishing her drink, rather than running, but it felt like a victory nonetheless. _Baby steps_.

* * *

"Thanks for saving me a seat." Joss said, as she flopped down in the chair opposite Bonnie. "When I saw the crowds I figured I'd hafta eat on the run."

"As your cousin would say, 'no big'." The older woman smiled, glancing around at the barely-restrained bedlam of the cafeteria. "It's always like this just before Halloween, I'm afraid."

"Nah, it's good." The Montanan waved off the apology and looked around at the garishly decorated room. "I love Halloween. Saffy 'n' I always used to go all out for costumes every year."

"Are you and Reba doing anything for it?" Bonnie asked, managing to keep her tone casual. After six weeks, she'd more or less come to terms with the other Joss's relationship. _You made your bed, now you have to lie in it._

"We both managed to get Friday off, so we're going up to Atlanta after work on Thursday. There's a bunch of stuff going on at the clubs up there, and we'll be in the thick of it." Joss picked up her chocolate muffin, broke it in half, and dropped the slightly smaller piece on Bonnie's plate. The former cheerleader reciprocated with her own, blueberry-laden pastry. This had become something of a Monday morning ritual. "Should be fun."

"Sounds like it will be." Bonnie took a bite of muffin. It seemed safer than saying anything more.

"Yeah, it will. The only drawback is that I'm gonna miss out on 'Moon Madness'."

Bonnie nearly choked on her muffin. "Moon what?" She managed at last, stifling a cough.

"'Moon Madness'." Joss repeated, a small grin quirking the ends of her lips. "It's a promotion they're running out at the NASA museum, this week. They're staying open until later, and have lots of new moon-related exhibits, plus all kinds of Halloween games ... something to get the kids in. Sounds cool, but it doesn't start until tomorrow, and Tuesday is my busy day."

"Why not go on Wednesday night?" Bonnie suggested, figuring it was what the Montanan hoped she would do. _Six weeks without a cancellation was pretty good, after all._

Joss looked genuinely surprised by the suggestion. "I thought we were doing something?" She frowned. "Are you busy, this week?"

"Well, no ... I'm not." The younger woman's evident confusion at her suggestion made Bonnie feel a little ashamed of her cynical assumption ... but also pleased that it was wrong. "But we hadn't made any firm plans for this week, yet -" A sudden impulse came to her, and for once she didn't question it. "- maybe we could check it out together and then do dinner?"

"Really?" Joss looked pleased, then paused. "... you're sure you want to? It's probably going to be a bit dorky."

Bonnie laughed. "Dorky? I thought you said it sounded cool?"

"Well ..." Joss leaned forward and dropped her voice in a conspiratorial whisper. "... don't tell anyone, but I'm a bit of dork, myself."

"... you certainly are." The former cheerleader shook her head, still chuckling.

"Hmmph!" Joss sat back in her chair, folding her arms and affecting an air of mock outrage. "Meanie!"

"Yep." Bonnie grinned complacently, and popped another piece of muffin in her mouth. Joss chuckled and shook her head.

"Well, if you're sure you wanna go?"

"I am."

"Then I'll pick you up from your place on Wednesday ... say at quarter to six? That way we can get in a couple of hours at the museum before it closes."

"Sounds good to me." Bonnie glanced at her watch, sighed, and scooped up her half of the chocolate muffin. "I gotta run ... got freshmen to educate in the mysteries of the theater. See you Wednesday."

"See ya." Joss agreed, offering a small wave.

Bonnie threaded her way through the crowds at the cafeteria, dumping her plate and cutlery at one of the collection points. She turned to head toward the door, and almost bumped into Lorraine as she did so.

"Bonnie." The older woman said, sounding a little cool. The former cheerleader stifled a flash of annoyance. _She's probably just miffed that I keep ducking her for lunch_.

"Lorraine." She greeted the older teacher with a warm smile. A fake smile, but a warm one nonetheless. "How are you?"

"_I'm_ fine." The older woman sniffed. "But dear, I think _you_ might not be."

Bonnie blinked. Then she folded her arms, no longer bothering to stifle her annoyance. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" She asked sharply, knowing full well what it meant.

"That ... woman." Lorraine's lip curled. "She's -"

"A friend." Bonnie cut off her colleague, having neither the time nor the inclination to listen to whatever nonsensical advice the older woman was about to offer. "Just like any other."

Lorraine sniffed again. "Not _just_ like."

Bonnie sighed. "If you mean that she's gay, I don't see what difference it makes. It's not like I can catch lesbianism from her." _Especially since I already have an advanced case._

"_Well -_" Lorraine huffed.

"Sorry, Lorraine, I've got to run to take a class." Bonnie brushed by the other woman, and made her escape, before she said anything else.

* * *

"Hey." Joss leaned nonchalantly against the frame of Bonnie's door. "Ready to roll?"

"Yep." The taller woman wrapped a light shawl around her shoulders, to ward off the cool October evening, then locked the door behind her. She glanced at Joss, who wore her usual jeans and leather jacket. "I hope I'm not overdressed?"

"You look great." The Montanan replied, in much the same the perfunctory way Brick had always offered the compliment. Bonnie rolled her eyes and sighed, which prompted Joss to frown. "What?"

The older woman shook her head and chuckled. "Sometimes you can be such a guy."

"What?" Joss spread her hands as she followed Bonnie down the stairs. "What did I do?"

"Never mind." Bonnie waved it off, then paused as she rounded the corner and saw, not Joss's car, but her bike. "We're taking Aimee?"

"You don't mind do you?" Joss ran a hand through her hair and gave an apologetic shrug. "I figured it wasn't far to go, tonight, and Reba and I will need to use the car all weekend, so Aimee wouldn't get a run ..."

"It's fine." Bonnie shook her head slightly. _Just as well I wore slacks_. She cleared her throat. "Good evening, Aimee." Try as she might, she couldn't help but feel a little ridiculous, talking to a motorcycle.

"Good evening, Bonnie."

Joss snorted. "Oh, _now_ you decide to talk."

"Huh?" Bonnie gave the younger woman a confused look, then glanced at Aimee, who somehow contrived to look smug.

"This young lady -" Joss waved at the motorcycle, "- refuses to talk to Reba. She's been making me look like a lunatic for the last two months."

"Oh, is _that_ what's been making you look that way?" Aimee's voice was treacle-y sweet. Bonnie chuckled, involuntarily, then blushed and coughed when Joss gave her a pout.

"Traitors, the pair of them." Joss addressed the sky in an aggrieved tone. "What did I do to deserve being surrounded by such turncoats?"

"You have such a hard life." Bonnie said agreeably, as she swung herself onto Aimee and patted the leather in front of her. "Now let's get going, shall we?"

Still grumbling good-naturedly, Joss handed her the spare helmet, then donned her own, climbed onto the bike and started the engine.

"You all set?" The Montanan called over her shoulder. Bonnie didn't answer immediately, instead shuffling forward until she was pressed against the other woman's strong back, then clinching her hands around Joss's waist. Very deliberately not thinking about the firm ripple of muscle she could sense under her hands, she nodded.

"All set."

They roared off toward the museum.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Bonnie does indeed take some baby steps forward in this chapter, doesn't she, even if it is more about standing by her friend than admitting who she is? So much so that I almost made a 'kindergarten' reference in the chapter title. But then I figured I might need to use that later, so I held onto it :-)

And Aimee doesn't seem to like Reba. Who woulda thunk it? :-)

Fair warning: sometime in the next few chapters, this story will start to earn its "M" rating. I'll try and remember to post a more specific warning just before we get to that point, but thought I'd mention it now, just in case.


	13. A Learning Experience

"Joss!" The exclamation came almost the moment they entered the museum. It was a male voice, enthusiastic in tone.

"Oh, man ..." Joss evidently did not share the enthusiasm. She sighed. "It's my boss."

The man approaching them was perhaps an inch or so shorter than Bonnie, with a rotund waistline and a rapidly receding salt-and-pepper hairline.

"Joss!" he exclaimed again as he drew closer. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"Evenin', Doctor Narr." Joss said politely.

"Now, now." He waved an admonishing finger. "I've told you to call me Lou." He suddenly noticed Bonnie, standing just behind Joss, and his genial smile faltered a little. "Oh, I'm sorry ... I didn't realize you were here with someone."

"This is Bonnie Rockwaller." Joss did the introductions. "A colleague from the University. We came to check out the 'Moon Madness' exhibit. Bonnie, this is Doctor Louis Narr, head o' my department at NASA."

"Pleased to meet you." Doctor Narr vigorously shook Bonnie's hand, his good humor immediately restored. "You work in the School of Science?"

"Theater, actually." Bonnie admitted.

"Oh." He blinked owlishly. "I'm afraid all that Shakespeare stuff goes over my head."

"That's okay. Einstein goes over mine." The former cheerleader did her best to seem casual. She could sense tension coming from Joss, though she wasn't sure why.

"Ah, Joss ..." Doctor Narr cleared his throat. "... I'm really sorry to do this, especially when you're here with a friend, but I need someone to look after the Moonchkins tonight."

A flicker of annoyance swept across Joss's face, though it was gone so quickly that most people wouldn't have noticed it. Doctor Narr certainly seemed oblivious. "I thought Colin was doin' it?"

"He was." Doctor Narr spread his hands apologetically, "... but he just called to say he couldn't make it. Car trouble."

Joss snorted. "The man designs rocket engines for a living, and he can't keep a Volkswagen runnin'?"

"What are the Moonchkins?" Bonnie asked. Partly because she was curious, but mostly to give Joss a moment to calm down.

"It's a program the museum runs for elementary school kids." Doctor Narr explained. "Teaching them about the solar system and astronomy." He turned his attention back to Joss. "I wouldn't normally ask, but since you're here anyway, could you take them tonight? It's just for an hour."

Joss opened her mouth, her expression obstinate, and Bonnie quickly interceded.

"We'd be happy to help out." She said, smiling pleasantly. Acting lessons came in handy much more often than she'd ever expected.

"Both of you? Oh, that's wonderful!" Doctor Narr beamed. "The children will be thrilled!" He hurried away.

Joss scowled. "I was gonna say 'no'." She muttered.

"I could see that." Bonnie answered, then smiled when Joss gave her a sideways look. She tapped the shorter woman on the forehead. "You always get a little crease here when you're about to be stubborn."

"Stubborn? Me?" Joss gave her a look of mock-outrage, then sighed. "God damn Colin Holt."

"I take it this isn't the first time something like this has happened?" There had been too much irritation in Joss's tone for this to be a one-time thing.

"The man's always duckin' commitments." Joss scowled, then shook her head. "Sorry, I shouldn't take this out on ya. It's just ... this is supposed to be our night to have fun. Not look after a buncha kids."

"It's just for an hour. We can see the exhibit after." Bonnie reached out and squeezed the other woman's shoulder. "Besides, I thought you _liked_ kids."

Joss sighed. "Well ... yeah, I do."

"Right. So let's go entertain your junior rocket scientists."

* * *

"See?" Bonnie said weakly, as she sprawled exhaustedly in a chair. "That wasn't so tough, was it?"

"Speak f' yerself." Joss's voice floated up from the carpet, where the younger woman lay, looking as tired as Bonnie felt. "You had the good sense t' stay outta the games. I ache all over. Why didn't ya stop me?"

"Like you would have listened." Bonnie was too tired to laugh, but she managed a half-chuckle. She gestured vaguely at the various odds and ends strewn across the museum function room. "You were having too much fun."

"... yeah." The Montanan grinned at the memory. "I really was."

"So this is one commitment you're glad whatshisname ducked?"

"Holt? Yeah, I guess." Joss reached up and grabbed the edge of a table, then pulled herself to a seated position and leaned against one of the chair legs. "Or at least, I will be glad, once I got the energy to feel anythin'. I had fun, but I'm glad I don't do this ev'ry day."

"You know you'll have to do this with your own kids, right?" Bonnie managed a weary-sounding taunt.

"Yeah, but I'll only have three or four, not twenty-five."

_Three or __**four**__?_ "That still sounds like a lot."

"Well ..." Joss hauled herself up a little further and crossed her arms on the table top, then rested her head on her arms. "That was what Saffy 'n' I were plannin'. We both wanted a big family. I don't know how many I'll actually have ... a lot will depend on who I'm with, and what they want."

"How does Reba feel about kids?" Bonnie asked the question with forced casualness. She was mostly ... _mostly_ ... reconciled to Joss's relationship. After all, it wasn't like she had been ready to act on her own attraction, when she had the chance. But she still felt a little resentment toward the woman who'd captured the Montanan's attentions.

There was a long moment of silence.

"... I haven't asked." Joss admitted at last. "It seems too early."

Bonnie stared at the ceiling with a slight frown. She'd heard an edge of discomfort in the younger woman's tone. "When _is _the right time to ask something like that?" Not waiting for an answer - it was a rhetorical question, after all - she continued. "So she's never said anything about kids?"

Another long moment of silence.

"She's sometimes talked about the ones that come in her work." Joss's discomfort was stronger now. "... she doesn't seem to like them much."

"Oh." Bonnie acknowledged the other woman's reply, but didn't say anything more. After a few seconds of silence, Joss sighed.

"You aren't going to tell me that I need to talk to her about it? That's what my dad said."

"It's your relationship, not mine." Bonnie straightened up enough to meet Joss's eyes, and tapped her own nose. "I won't stick this in unless you ask for my advice." Even then, she would probably try to avoid the question. _I don't trust myself enough to give you an impartial answer._

"Hmmph." Joss sighed. "I wish dad'd take that attitude. I'm sure he'll be on my ass about it at Thanksgiving."

"You're flying home for the holiday?" Bonnie caught the answering nod, and posed the question she simultaneously wanted and dreaded to ask. "What's Reba doing?"

"Seein' her parents."

"You're not spending it together?" The brunette felt a moment of satisfaction, then a stab of guilt for her selfishness.

Joss sighed. "If we'd met earlier, we probably woulda have made plans together ... but I booked my flights months go, t'make sure I could actually get tickets. That's why we're going away for Halloween. It's kinda our substitute for Thanksgiving -" she grinned suddenly "- with the added bonus that Reba's bought one of those 'sexy witch' costumes to wear for me."

Bonnie didn't trust herself to reply to that, and after a while, Joss spoke again.

"How about you ... are you going home to see your folks?"

"No!" The word came out more sharply than Bonnie intended, and the former cheerleader took a slow breath before continuing. "I'll see them for Christmas, instead." _Though I'll only do that because they'll pay for the flights_. She gave a harsh little chuckle. "My father likes us all to go to Midnight Mass."

"Oh. Is he religious?"

Bonnie paused, weighing her answer. "It's ... complicated." She straightened up, seeing from Joss's expression that the younger woman wanted to ask for more information, but wasn't sure she should. "The Rockwallers were one of the original Pilgrim families, but my grandfather ... my father's father ... married a Catholic, and converted. He got disowned by his family. So for my father ... being Catholic is kind of a point of honor." _At least when it suits him._

Joss considered this for a moment. "That does sound kinda complicated." She paused, then cleared her throat. "How ... how would he feel about you hanging out with me?"

"... you mean because you're a lesbian?" Bonnie asked the question for as a delaying method than anything else. _What else would she mean? _"I don't know." Which was a white lie, to protect Joss's feelings. "But it's not his decision to make." Which was true. "It's mine. And _I _feel pretty good about you hanging out with me."

Joss grinned. "Thanks. I feel pretty good about hangin' out with you, too." She paused. "So what _are_ ya doing for Thanksgiving? Yer not stuck here by y'self, I hope?"

"Actually ..." Bonnie dropped her eyes, then glanced up again, as she struggled and failed to keep a goofy grin off her face. "... I'm going to London."

"What?" Joss blinked, then grinned, her nose crinkling in a way Bonnie found adorable. "To quote a good friend of mine: 'You have to be shitting me'."

The older woman laughed. "This guy I know ... he spent a couple of years at UAH ... I was speaking to him on the phone, and he invited me."

"A _guy_?" The Montanan raised her eyebrows, her interest clearly piqued.

"It's not what you think." Bonnie held up a hand. "We're just friends."

The younger woman looked unconvinced. "You bought tickets to London to see 'just' a friend?"

"He got them with his miles." As soon as she said it, Bonnie knew it was a mistake.

"Well, there you go!" Joss practically bounced up and down. "He's gotta be more than just a friend to do that! Or at least, he's gotta _want_ to be more."

"Trust me ... he's about as interested in dating me as _you_ would be in dating _him_." Bonnie sighed. She hadn't meant to 'out' Andy to Joss ... hadn't meant to mention him at all, really. _But what's done is done_. She watched as first confusion, then understanding, flickered across the younger woman's face.

"Oh." Joss chuckled ruefully. "Really? Well, I feel dumb."

"You weren't to know." Bonnie shrugged, then glanced at her watch. "We have about forty minutes until the museum closes. Do you want to race around the exhibit?"

The Montanan considered the suggestion, then shook her head. "I really am pretty beat. How 'bout we just order some take out for dinner and head back to your place?"

"Isn't your place closer?" Bonnie had never seen the other woman's apartment, and she was curious to do so.

"A little." Joss looked uncertain. "But it's not really set up for entertainin'."

"Is that code for 'I haven't cleaned up'?" Bonnie grinned.

"Hey!" The younger woman stuck out her tongue. "Nah, it's code fer 'I don't have much furniture'."

"Do you have a couch and two forks?"

"... yeah."

"Then it's set up enough for take out, at least." The older woman shook her head and stood. "Really, how bad can it be?"

* * *

"Okay, this _is_ pretty bad." Bonnie admitted, staring at the Joss's near-empty living room. The room boasted a couch; which looked new; and a steel footlocker; which didn't. The only other items in sight were a pair of computers: a standard laptop and one of the tiny netbooks almost every student carried these days. "You don't even own a TV?"

"The networks put everything online these days, anyway." Joss shrugged as she closed the door behind them. She gave a wry grin. "I did warn you."

"Yes, you did." Bonnie agreed, gravely. "I shall never doubt you again. What did Reba say when she saw it?"

"She hasn't." The younger woman's reply caught her by surprise. "I always go to her place. She starts work earlier than I do, so it's more convenient that way."

_It is for Reba, anyway_. "Well, thanks for letting me into your secret lair."

Joss laughed and bumped the older woman with her hip. "The kitchen's through here. I'll just get the food into bowls. Want something t'drink?"

"Got any diet soda?" The former cheerleader followed the Montanan through into the small kitchen.

"Ugh." Joss shuddered theatrically, then shook her head. "Sorry ... no. There's juice in the fridge, though. D'ya like cranberry?" She started to turn toward the refrigerator, but Bonnie waved her back to the food.

"I'll get it. You want one, too?"

"Sounds good. With ice, please. Glasses are in the cupboard on the left."

Bonnie snagged a couple of tumblers from the cupboard, then added ice to both from the refrigerator's ice machine. Joss was apparently not one for decorating her refrigerator. Only one thing broke the plain white surface: a small card, with the handwritten words "Reba. 555-" upon it. The rest of the number was hidden by the magnet pinning it to the fridge.

Fighting an irrational burst of irritation at the card's presence, Bonnie yanked open the fridge door with more force than she'd intended. The magnet slid sideways, and the card fluttered to the floor. Bonnie caught a flash of some kind of black and silver design on the other side.

_Stop being an idiot_, the brunette scolded herself, closing the refrigerator once more and crouching down to pick up the card. She flicked it over, idly curious about the design she'd glimpsed.

_Oh my god_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oh my god, indeed. I'd originally planned to tell you what Bonnie saw ... but it still woulda been a cliffhanger-y moment, and it might have created some incorrect assumptions. Besides, this way you get to guess what it is :)

Oh, yes ... the M-rated material I said was coming? It's next.


	14. School Ties

_Cuffs_, the card read, above an embossed image of silver manacles, then underneath that, _A Fetish Club for Women_.

"Find the juice okay?" Joss asked. Feeling like she was in a fog, Bonnie glanced up to find the younger woman just starting to turn toward her, a bowl of take out in each hand. Their gazes met, and Joss frowned, instantly picking up on the brunette's agitation. Then the Montanan's eyes dropped to the card, and she blanched.

"Bonnie ... I ..." Joss twisted to her left and dropped the bowls back onto the counter surface, then turned to face the older woman once more. She swallowed nervously. "I ..."

"I guess this explains why you lied about where you met Reba." Bonnie gave a short, harsh laugh and rose to her feet.

The scientist blinked. "You knew?"

"You're not a very good liar." Fingers trembling, Bonnie pinned the card to the refrigerator once more.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I figured you should be allowed to keep your secret." The older woman laughed again, mocking herself. "I certainly never expected it to be _this_."

"Please ..." The plea sounded so wounded, it hurt to hear. "Please, Bonnie ... please don't hate me."

Slowly, the former cheerleader turned. To her surprise, Joss – confident, ebullient, effervescent Joss – was leaning back against the counter, arms crossed defensively across her chest, eyes downcast.

"Bonnie ..." The younger woman uncrossed her arms, wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, and looked up. Her face was pale, her expression fearful but determined. "I ... please just tell me what I hafta do not to lose you."

Still feeling foggy – almost numb – the taller woman opened her mouth, then paused. _I have no idea what I want to say._ She closed her mouth again, lowering her head and running a hand through her hair. _I ... she likes to ..._

"Please, Bonnie." Joss repeated, stepping forward and gently catching the taller woman's hands in her own. The Montanan crouched a little, so that their eyes met despite Bonnie's downward gaze. The former cheerleader felt an almost physical jolt from seeing the other woman's face. It held an emotion she'd never seen there before. _Jesus, she's really scared_. "Bonnie ... you're one of the most important people in my life. I don't want ... I _can't_ ... lose your friendship. Tell me what I need to do."

Something in the desperate tone of the plea cut through the foggy numbness in Bonnie's mind. She shook her head, then focused on the younger woman's face once more.

"Someone hurt you." The realization hit her so hard she couldn't breathe for a second. "Because of ... of the things you like." The words seemed to have just as much impact on Joss; the younger woman's eyes stayed red and damp, but she controlled herself enough to nod a reply.

"My ..." Joss gave a long sigh. "... you remember I didn't want to talk about my second girlfriend?"

"Yeah." Bonnie abruptly realized that Joss's hands were still clasping her own, but made no move to release the connection. It felt like the younger woman was drawing some strength from it.

"Clare an' I got together about nine months after Saffy and I split up ... then dated for about six. Graduation was comin' and I wanted to keep seein' her after school was over." Joss swallowed. "... but if things were gonna continue long term then I wanted to tell ... tell Clare what I liked. Ask her if she would ... share it with me."

"She didn't take it well."

Joss managed a shaky laugh. "I knew that she might not want t'do ... that kinda stuff ... but I was naïve enough t' think that she'd just say so. Saffy 'n' I had always done that ... discussed things and if one of us was uncomfortable, we just didn't do it. Clare freaked out. Went ballistic. Called me ... well, called me all sorta things. The details don't matter much. Are ..." She paused and swallowed. "... are we ... you and me ... are we good?"

_'Good' might be too strong a word._

"I ... I don't know what to say ..." Bonnie saw the fear return to Joss's eyes, and instantly felt a tightening in her chest. _Idiot! Joss needs your support. Put someone else first, for once! _She gave the younger woman's hands a reassuring squeeze, and forced a light-hearted tone. "After all, it's not every day you find out your best friend likes to tie people up. But I'm not going to call you names, and I'm not going anywhere."

Joss managed a wan smile. "I'm glad you're stayin'." She looked up, the fading smile still creasing the corners of her mouth. "Thanks. Am I ... am I really your best friend?"

"Well, you _were_ the only applicant for the position, so I didn't have much choice." Bonnie's tone was dry, but as she spoke, she put a hand on the other woman's shoulder and squeezed it gently. "But you seem to be working out okay so far."

Joss's smile grew a little less forced. "I'm thrilled by your support." The shorter woman flicked a glance up through her fringe. "Can we just ferget this ever happened?"

"Well ... I don't think it's going to be quite that simple." Bonnie admitted. "But it won't affect our friendship. Okay?"

"Okay." Joss thrust her hands in the pockets of her jeans and studied the floor. "Thank you. I really mean that."

"It's okay. I'm surprised, I admit. A little shocked, even." The older woman took a deep breath. "But I've always said that what consenting adults do in private is their business and nobody else's." That wasn't quite true: she'd _thought_ it, but never actually said it out loud, before. It was not a sentiment that would have gone over well in the Rockwaller household. _And I was really mostly thinking of same-sex couples_. The current situation was much more of a 'test of her convictions' then Bonnie had ever expected.

Seeing that Joss was still having trouble looking at her, the brunette cocked her head to one side and summoned up a grin. _A little humor might help lighten the mood. _"Of course, as far as I know, I've never said it to an actual dominatrix before."

Joss acknowledged her effort with a small chuckle. That was expected. "You, uh ... still haven't."

That was not.

"Huh?" _Oh, __**that**__ was articulate._ Bonnie gestured vaguely at the card on the fridge. Then her eyes widened as understanding dawned. "You mean you're ..." She had no idea what the right term was, and guessed blindly. "... you're a masochist?"

"Nah." Joss shook her head immediately. "Masochists get pleasure from pain. As far as I'm concerned, pain pretty much just hurts. I'm ... well ..." She stopped. "Sorry. I'm probably making you uncomfortable."

"No. It's okay ..." Bonnie paused and then gave a confused shrug. "I just ... I don't really understand that stuff. I think I'd freak out if someone tried to tie me up."

"Well ... so would I, if I didn't really, really trust them." Joss assured her. A sly grin suddenly tugged at the corners of her mouth. "After all, I'm a pervert, not an idiot."

"You're a smartass, is what you are." Bonnie tried to manage a stern look, but she was struggling to hold back a smile, herself. It was good to see Joss's naturally sunny nature reassert itself ... even if the conversation still felt a little surreal. She paused, fighting the urge to ask the question that now lurked in her mind, but it would not be denied. "You ... uh ... you _have_ done it, though? Been tied up, I mean?"

"Are you sure you want to know talk about this stuff?" Joss, her voice soft and her eyes never leaving Bonnie's. "I'll answer anything you want, I promise ... but are you sure you want to know?"

_Do I?_ The taller woman considered the question, not rushing her answer. Finally, she nodded. "I think ... that it would be better to hear the truth from you, than to just have my own preconceptions running around my head."

"Okay." Joss nodded. She glanced over at their food, and picked up both bowls. "How about sit on the couch, and eat these while we talk? Otherwise they'll get cold."

"Uh ... sure." Bonnie took one of the bowls. It smelled good, though she wasn't feeling very hungry any more. She followed the younger woman into the front room, and they perched on opposite ends of the couch. "I guess ... I guess what I really want to know is 'why'? What's the appeal of ... well of letting someone tie you up, for instance?"

"For me personally, or in general?"

"Um ... both I guess. But mostly for you. Do people have different reasons?"

"Yeah, I think they do." Joss considered the question while she slowly pushed the contents of her bowl around with her fork. "For a lot of people, it's about the excitement of bein' vulnerable, whether that vulnerability's real or imaginary."

"Imaginary?" Bonnie was confused. "If you're tied up, you're pretty vulnerable."

"Sure." Joss nodded. "Unless you know you can ask the person who tied you to let you go whenever you want, and they'll do it."

"... I guess that makes sense." The older woman considered the concept. "A bit like why people enjoy scary movies?"

"Kinda. I hadn't thought about it like that." Joss leaned forward, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm a bit of a coward about horror films."

"You secret is safe with me." Bonnie said with mock-solemnity. Then she paused, considering the statement. "All of them." She added, her tone much more serious.

"Thanks."

"So what do you mean by 'real' vulnerability?"

"Letting someone tie you up when you _don't_ know them that well."

"Jesus!" Bonnie sucked in a breath. "That sounds dangerous!"

Joss nodded. "Yeah. But that doesn't stop some people from doing it."

"But not you, right?"

"Not a chance." The Montanan shook her head. "I ... I've had a coupla one night stands in my time. But if any of them had pulled out ropes or cuffs, I woulda run for the hills."

"So ..." Bonnie set her bowl down on the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest. "... I guess there are things you can do that don't involve ... um, actual bondage? That are still ..." She gave a vague wave of her hand.

Joss chuckled. "Yeah. With a little creativity, a lotta things."

"Okay." The former cheerleader nodded, piecing together what she'd been told. "So for you, it's about that 'imaginary' vulnerability?"

To Bonnie's surprise, the younger woman shook her head. "Nah. When Saffy tied me up, I never felt vulnerable at all. I felt ... secure. Safe. Loved." Joss paused and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I guess that probably sounds crazy?"

"It's ... a little hard to understand." Bonnie admitted.

"When Saffy tied me ..." Joss leaned back in her seat, staring at the ceiling as if looking for the words to come from on high. "It meant I wasn't just a participant in our love-making any more, s'much as the ... the _subject_ of it. Am I makin' any sense? When I was tied ... it felt like ev'ry ounce of Saffy's attention was on me. On touchin' me, on ..." her voice dropped, sounding throaty, "On explorin' every inch of me, and givin' _me_ pleasure. I was the one tied up ... but it was almost like _she_ was worshippin' me."

"Oh." Was initially all Bonnie could manage through a mind gone foggy and a mouth gone dry. She struggled to collect herself. "You make it sound beautiful."

Joss smiled; a smaller, less exuberant expression than her usual grin, but no less heartfelt. "It was." She spoke quietly. "Makin' love always should be."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So after the warnings about content, this chapter actually ended up being more tame than I expected. Though a discussion of bondage probably belongs in the 'M' category, even if it is restrained. (Get it? Bondage? Restrained? Ha! Sorry.)

"what consenting adults do in private is their business and nobody else's" is pretty much my own philosophy on sexuality. I wanted to play with that concept here. Because now, Bonnie knows what Joss was hiding, and irony of ironies, it perhaps isn't so very different from Bonnie's own secret, as both relate to sexual identity.

A quick disclaimer: I have done a little research for this story, but I make no claims to be an expert in either human sexuality in general, or bdsm in particular. But I'm completely unqualified to be a lesbian, and it doesn't stop me writing about _them_ :-)

Anyway, there may be errors, omissions and just plain screw-ups on my part, here or in later chapters. Mea culpa.


	15. ComputerBased Learning

_The sleek, lithe body moved beneath her, the other woman's skin satin-soft. Their lips met in a fierce kiss. Nails raked her shoulders as her lover clutched at her ... and then the hands were gone from her skin, somehow drawn up and cuffed to the bed without her knowing, and the body beneath her was writhing with even greater urgency, and a gasping, breathless voice was pleading for her to take them. Take them and make them hers. Take -_

Bonnie started upright as the blare of morning news radio shattered her sleep.

"Ugh." She muttered to herself as she slapped the alarm, then yawned deeply, feeling the weight of fatigue settle into her bones. The brunette felt tired and lethargic and also - she blushed hotly at the half-remembered dream - mildly aroused. _Well, what do you expect when you stay up half the night looking for porn on the internet?_

Bonnie hadn't actually been looking for pornography - though she'd certainly found plenty of it - but for information about sexual fetishes. Hearing the timber of Joss's voice as she talked about Saffy had brought home just how private and personal the conversation had become. Joss was sharing some of the most intimate secrets of her life, and Bonnie couldn't even bring herself to tell the younger woman she was gay. Flushed with guilt, she'd hurriedly brought the subject to a close, turning instead to the safe subjects of work and their night at the museum. They'd talked for an hour about inconsequential things, before Bonnie had called it a night. She'd planned to walk home, but Joss would hear none of it, insisting on giving her a ride instead.

"We on for next Wednesday?" The question had been Joss's, tentative and unsure.

"Absolutely." Bonnie was emphatic. "The only Wednesday we're going to miss is the one just before Thanksgiving - I'll be in London."

"Oh yeah." Joss had chuckled. "With your gay boyfriend."

For a moment, Bonnie had thought Joss somehow knew about her and Andy's fake romance. Then she remembered their conversation from earlier in the night and managed a laugh. "I could do worse."

Once inside her apartment, Bonnie had poured herself a glass of wine and started up her computer. A high-speed internet connection was one of her few personal indulgences, and this seemed like the perfect time to use it. She was aware of the existence of fetishes like bondage – she dimly remembered Hope making giggling comments about handcuffs, back in high school – and had some vague idea of the kind of things that might be done. But what she didn't understand – and wanted to – was _why_ people ... why _Joss_ ... would do it. So she'd typed 'bondage fetish' into her web browser ... and then sighed at the thousands of links that were returned.

Bonnie wasn't surprised when many of them turned out to be commercial pornographic sites. _Avenue Q _was certainly right about _that_ aspect of the internet.

"No." She'd grumbled as she closed yet another such page and tried not to think about what her browsing history would look like to her service provider. "I'm not interested in your low, low rate of nine ninety five a month." _Even though some of those women were very hot indeed_.

Of those links that weren't outright pornography, most were still overwhelmingly sexual in their focus, providing either fantasy material, or 'how to' primers for those with an interest in the subject.

Eventually, frustration and weariness had won out over her desire to understand Joss's sexual preferences. She'd nervously bookmarked a few pages that seemed promising, hiding them in the "Women's Health" folder with her AfterEllen link. _Pathetic. It's not like anyone else even __**uses**__ this computer_.

Then, since she had the link in front of her, she'd spent fifteen minutes surfing the well-known lesbian website. They'd just posted new pictures of Kim in action; something they'd been doing pretty much every week since her high school crush had come out of the closet. Tired and frustrated, Bonnie clicked through them more quickly than she normally would. All the usual shots were there: two of Kim's dramatic entrance; several of Kim beating on the villain – it was some guy in a kilt, this time; one of Ron with his pants falling down – Bonnie still wasn't sure how he and Kim had managed to remain friends, especially after their romance ended; a couple of Kim and Shego embracing after it was over; several of Kim signing autographs for a crowd of admiring lesbians; and two of Shego chasing off the ones who were a little _too_ admiring.

What _was _unusual was Bonnie's reaction to the pictures. Or rather; her lack of one. Certainly, she still noticed that Kim was an attractive woman – especially when she was glowing from the exertion of the fight – but no more than she noticed Shego's beauty, or the beauty of the overly enthusiastic blonde who in one shot was clearly asking Kim to sign her (regrettably pixilated) breasts. The sweaty hands, the gnawing in her stomach, the tightness in her groin ... in other words, all the things she usually experienced when she saw Kim ... were gone, or so muted as to be undetectable. _Maybe I'm finally getting over her. Or maybe I'm just too tired to be turned on_.

Though given her dreams, the latter option now seemed unlikely.

* * *

Bonnie dragged her way through breakfast and a shower, then dressed and tried to do some marking. When she realized she'd spent ten minutes staring at the second page of an essay entitled 'Brecht on Brecht: Applying Rational Self-Reflection to the Theory of Epic Theater' without reading a word, she sighed and set the paper aside. _Nine fifteen. Joss's first class is at ten_.

Leaning across the couch, she picked up her cell phone from the coffee table, and selected the first entry in speed dial. The phone rang four times, and the brunette was just readying herself to leave a message when the call was picked up.

"Hi Bonnie." Joss's greeting was restrained, lacking its usual ebullience.

"Hey." The former cheerleader deliberately kept her tone relaxed. "Just wanted to wish you a 'Happy Halloween'. Figured I'd call now since we've both got classes later, and then you're heading out of town."

"Oh. Thanks." The tension disappeared from the other woman's voice. "You have a great Halloween too. Don't eat too much candy."

Bonnie laughed. "Uh huh. Look who's talking."

"I've got an unusually fast metabolism." Joss affected an air of wounded dignity. "I need a lot of carbs to keep me going. It's a medical fact."

"Yeah, well just make sure your fast metabolism doesn't give itself a stomach ache." Bonnie warned. "I doubt Reba wants to spend tomorrow night holding your hair for you."

"That's definitely _not_ on the list of activities." The younger woman agreed. She paused, then added quietly. "Thanks for calling, Bonnie."

"No problem. Drive safe."

"I will." Joss's eye-roll was audible.

"I can tell you're just humoring me." Bonnie admonished, laughingly. "See you in the canteen on Monday."

"Wouldn't miss it. See ya then."

"Bye."

Bonnie ended the call, then leaned back into the couch and gave a wistful look at the computer. She'd much rather be doing research of her own than reading her students' half-hearted efforts. _But these papers won't mark themselves._

_

* * *

  
_

It wasn't until the weekend that Bonnie managed to get back to the computer. She'd marked all day on Thursday, then Friday had been occupied with taking three classes – all packed with students more interested in the weekend than in work – and dodging Lorraine at the cafeteria during lunch. Friday night had seen a parade of trick-or-treaters at her door, and she hadn't wanted any of them to catch an eyeful of something they shouldn't. There were definitely more of them than the year before. _Obviously the kids tell each other about the best places to get candy_.

Unfortunately, the links she'd bookmarked were a disappointment. The brunette sighed in frustration as the last of them proved no more helpful than the ones she'd already dismissed. Taking a drink of orange juice, she glowered at the screen.

"I'm not interested in the best knots to bind my submissive." She informed the lurid web page. "I just want to understand _why_ someone would want to be tied up to begin with."

_So maybe __**that's**__ what I should be searching for. _Now that she thought of it, it seemed so obvious that it was hard to believe she hadn't thought of it earlier. Trying not to expect too much, she punched 'understanding submission' into her search engine. A series of links popped up, and she opened the first.

"This looks more like it." It was an essay of some kind, describing the types of submissives, their general motivations and needs, and the role of the dominant in providing for those needs. It had been written by a man, and spoke in terms of a male dominant and female submissive. _Would gender should matter? I guess not._

"'The dominant is the source of the trust and feeling of safety the submissive requires for her needs to be met,'" she read "'and is responsible for the submissive's well-being.'" _That_ seemed encouraging. Not only did the first part reflect some of what Joss had said, but the second statement made her feel more comfortable about the motives and behavior of Joss's partners in her activities. _I know she's done this with Saffy ... probably with Reba too. I wonder if there have been any others?_

There were a series of links on the left of the page. Glancing at them, Bonnie realized that the essay was part of a larger site. She clicked on the 'main page'.

"'The primary purpose of this site is not to discuss the _how_ of BDSM –'" she'd seen the acronym often enough by now to be familiar with it "'- but rather the _why_.' Well _hallelujah_. I might have actually found what I'm looking for."

Bookmarking the page – and boldly doing so in her main links folder – Bonnie scanned the table of contents on the main page.

"'Motivations'. That sounds like a good place to start." She clicked the link, and then stared in surprise at the long list that immediately displayed. She scrolled down, seeing several screens of text and dozens of links to other pages. "Woah. I guess this is more complicated than I realized."

The brunette sighed and leaned back in her chair, stretching her arms above her head to loosen the tension in her back. _I'll read through them, and see if any sound like what Joss was saying. Hopefully something will. I don't think I'm ready to ask her to explain._

_

* * *

  
_

On Monday morning, the university cafeteria was filled with students and the scent of overripe pumpkin. The Halloween decorations may have been removed, but their odor lingered on.

"Hey." Joss dropped into the chair opposite Bonnie and gave her a tired smile. From the dark smudges under the shorter woman's eyes, it seemed that sleep had not been a major component of her weekend. Unusually, she didn't have a breakfast tray with her.

"Hey yourself." Bonnie raised her coffee – a once-a-week concession to the back to work blues – in greeting. "So did you and Reba have a good Halloween?"

"Oh ... yeah. Sure. It was pretty good." Joss's tone was off-hand, but her body language immediately became tense, and her eyes slid away, no longer meeting Bonnie's. The former cheerleader frowned. The younger woman was clearly uncomfortable about something. For a moment, the theater lecturer considered letting it go. _No. Ask. The worst she can do is tell you to mind your own business._ She set down her coffee and leaned forward.

"Did something happen?"

"What?" Joss glanced up momentarily, her look of surprise seemingly genuine, but she just as quickly dropped her eyes again. "What do you mean, 'did something happen'?"

"Between you and Reba." Bonnie replied gently, reaching across the table to rest her fingers on Joss's arm. Her mind raced, but kept coming back to the same idea. "Did she ... do something you didn't want?" Bonnie glanced around and lowered her voice. "Something sexual, I mean."

"Huh?" Joss's head shot up, and it was clear that the Montanan was completely shocked by the question. She vigorously shook her head. "Jeez. No. Of course she didn't."

"Sorry." The older woman held up her hands. "I didn't mean to suggest ..." she trailed off, realizing that there was no good way to end that sentence. "You just looked upset when I asked about your weekend. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine." Joss insisted. Then she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "It's just ... Reba asked me to move in with her."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yes, I am familiar with the U-Haul joke. No, I don't plan to use it in this story.

The website Bonnie finds in the story is a real one. It's actually the first link that comes up when I use 'understanding submission' as a search criteria on an Australian-focused search engine. For those of you from other countries who want to check it out, try 'peter masters understanding submission' and you ought to get it. I haven't read the site exhaustively, myself – just enough to spot the couple of quotes that Bonnie reads out, really. So I make no claims about the site's completeness or accuracy, in general. It just suited the needs of this chapter :-)


	16. College Roommates

"Oh." The word sounded strangled to Bonnie's ears, and she cleared her throat. "When ... when was this?"

"Yesterday mornin', just before we checked outta the hotel." If anything, Joss's expression became more pensive.

"So ... what did you say?"

Joss sighed. "Promise me you'll still talk ta me after I tell ya?"

Bonnie blinked. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Reba didn't."

"Oh." Bonnie sat back, nibbling on her bottom lip. Obviously Joss had said 'no'. Equally obviously, that hadn't gone down so well. She paused, unsure what to do or say. No .. not unsure. Unwilling. _Suck it up, Rockwaller. If you can't be her lover, at least be her friend._ "Want to talk about it?"

"It might help." Joss hunched forward, looking tired. "I obviously screwed up, I just don't know how. Maybe you can figure it out."

Bonnie nodded. "I'll help if I can." She said gently, leaning forward as well, so they could speak without raising their voices in the noisy canteen. "Obviously you said no, or we wouldn't be having this conversation. Why didn't you want to move in with her?"

"I just thought it was too soon." Joss sighed and ran a hand through her hair, then rested her cheek on her hand. "Two months is too soon, right?"

_Ask me when I've had a real relationship last that long._ "It does seem quick. So you told her that?"

"... not exactly."

"That was a mistake, honey." The endearment slipped out unintentionally, and Bonnie bit her lip in surprise at her error, but Joss didn't seem to notice. _Why should she? Straight women use endearments all the time_. "Reba could probably tell you weren't being honest with her." The brunette paused. "What did you say, exactly?"

"I said that I still had a few months on my lease and we should talk about it when that was nearer to finishin' -" Joss broke off as she caught sight of Bonnie's expression. "... see, you're doin' exactly what Reba did."

"Oh man." Bonnie shook her head. "Did you really say that?"

Joss spread her hands. "Well, _yeah_. I didn't wanna hurt her feelin's by sayin' that I wasn't ready, and I figured that was a logical reason t' wait."

"Okay." Bonnie shook her head. "I get that you thought it was a better option at the time. But it wasn't." She could see that Joss didn't get it, and sighed. "Look ... you saw the conversation like this: Reba asked 'How about we move in together?' and you replied 'I think we should think about it for a while longer, and do it at a time that's more fiscally responsible'."

"Exactly!" Joss looked satisfied.

"But that's not how Reba saw it."

"Oh." Joss frowned. "So how _did_ she see it?"

"More along the lines that she said 'Joss, I really care about you and want to share my life with you', and you replied 'Nah, I don't want to waste my rent money'."

"That's not –"

"Wait." Bonnie held up a hand and gave Joss her best 'teacher look'. It could stop a seventeen year-old wannabe starlet cold. The Montanan had no chance. "I know you didn't mean it that way. And I'm exaggerating. But Reba asked you to move into her home, and you ... well, first of all you said 'no', but more importantly, you weren't being honest when you did it. I've seen you try to tell a lie ... so Reba probably knew you weren't. Think about that from her side of things for a minute."

Joss did. Then she said something that the faculty handbook frowned upon.

"Oh man." The auburn-haired woman buried her face in her hands. "I am so _screwed_. What do I do t'make it up to her?"

"You have to go see her and apologize." Bonnie said firmly. Then she paused, before adding. "It probably wouldn't hurt to take a gift when you do."

The younger woman looked skeptical. "I don't think it'll work if I try ta _buy_ her back."

"That's not what it's about." Bonnie shook her head, ignoring the churning in her gut. Telling Joss how to win back her girlfriend was _not_ how she'd expected or wanted this conversation to go. "Well, maybe a tiny bit. Most people like getting gifts, even when they say they don't. But the important thing about the gift is not the money you spend on it ... it's the time and care you spend on choosing it. You know Reba's hobbies and interests, right? You need to get something that shows you know them ... that you know her."

"So you're sayin' that if I give her a gift and an' apology, things'll be better between us again?" Joss didn't look convinced.

"Well, I'm not saying it'll be that easy. But you need to go to her ... apologize for what you said, and explain why you _really_ said 'no'. Honesty is the most important thing in any relationship, whether it's a romantic one or just a friendship." Bonnie did her best not to feel like a hypocrite as she gave _that_ advice. Trying not to blush, she added. "... I mean, it helped on Wednesday night, right?"

"You're right ... it did. Yeah. That makes sense." Joss nodded. She sat back and considered Bonnie's advice, then smiled broadly. "Thanks so much! You've really helped." She glanced at her watch and cursed. "Shit. I gotta run to class. After that, I'm gonna go look for somethin' nice for Reba, and put on my best grovelin' clothes." Standing, the Montanan leaned over the table and gave Bonnie an impulsive hug. "Thanks again, Bonnie! You've really helped!"

"Yeah." The older woman sighed as she watched Joss leave the cafeteria. "I'm just awesome that way."

* * *

If there was one good thing about Mondays, it was that they were busy. Bonnie had four classes to take; only one of them for theory. Six hours in the theater, first instructing two classes of aspiring actors, then finally her sophomore dance class, didn't leave much time for wallowing in self-pity. It wasn't until nearly seven o'clock that the brunette trudged into her apartment and tossed the day's mail onto her couch.

Her cell phone rang ten minutes later, just as Bonnie was sitting down with some reheated chicken and broccoli left over from the night before. The calling number wasn't a surprise.

"Hey Joss."

"Hey." The other woman spoke more quietly than normal, in a not-quite-whisper, but her tone was cheerful. "Just wanted to give you a quick call to say thanks for the advice this morning."

"You spoke to Reba? It went okay?"

"More than okay. She's, uh, in the shower, right now." Joss sounded halfway between bashful and exultant. "I bought her a gift like ya suggested ... she always drinks tea insteada coffee, so I got her this really nice pot and serving tray. But really I think it was like ya said ... bein' honest was what was really important."

"It's good to hear you got things sorted out." The former cheerleader said the words automatically, then paused, surprised to realize that she meant them. _It's hearing Joss sound like herself again_. There was still a pang of jealousy, of course. But for all that Bonnie might wish she was the one putting the joy back in the other woman's voice, she was glad to hear it at all, and know her friend was happy.

"Thanks. I feel kinda stupid that I didn't see what I'd done wrong." Joss confessed. "I don't know why I just didn't tell her the truth t' start with."

"Like you said, you didn't want to hurt her."

"Yeah." Joss sighed. "But I did."

"So ... Reba was okay that you wanted to wait before moving in?"

"Well, not okay ... I mean, she was disappointed." Joss admitted. "But she said we could talk about it again later, when I'd had time to think about it some more."

Reba's answer sounded a little begrudging to Bonnie, but she held her tongue, not wanting to dampen Joss's mood. _There'll be time for them to work that out later_.

The younger woman sucked in a breath. "The shower just stopped. I'd better go. Thanks again."

"You're welcome."

Joss ended the call. Bonnie stared at the phone for a few seconds, then tossed it onto the couch beside the mail. She was a little surprised at her own reaction to the Montanan's news. She'd expected to be more upset. But she wasn't. _What's changed?_ It certainly wasn't because she no longer found Joss physically attractive. Lithe and athletic was _definitely_ her type, and while the auburn-haired woman didn't quite have her cousin's Olympian grace and suppleness, she was certainly no slouch in that department. Maybe it was because Bonnie had had all day to adjust to the idea. Maybe learning Joss's sexual proclivities had dampened her enthusiasm. Maybe ...

_Maybe I should quit all the navel-gazing, and eat my dinner before it gets cold. _

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry about the delay between updates. I've been too busy with a real life romance to spend much time writing about the fictional variety :-)

Updates will probably continue to be sporadic for a while, not only because of the above, but because I am going to be doing NaNoWriMo this year. That means most of my efforts will be on original material, rather than fanfiction.

In other news, I participated in a discussion of KiGo on Allaine's "Femslash for Fans" internet radio show. You can find a link to the page on my profile page. My answers were provided by e-mail prior to the show, so you won't hear my dulcet tones, but you will get to hear King in Yellow and Tempest Dash. Check it out.


	17. Business Lessons

"Wow." Bonnie shook her head in wonderment at the luxurious seat before her. Plush leather upholstery gleamed in the cabin lights.

"First time in business class?" the question came from the dusky-skinned woman in the window seat. She gave Bonnie a friendly smile.

"Yeah. First time flying to Europe, too." The former cheerleader nodded as she stowed her carry-on bag in the overhead compartment. _She has an accent. Indian maybe?_ Dressed in a smart skirt-suit, the other woman looked about ten years Bonnie's elder. _Fantastic legs, too_. Realizing she was staring, Bonnie quickly jerked her gaze up to the other woman's face. "A friend organized the ticket for me. He neglected to mention it was for business class."

"Must be a very good friend." The other woman took a sip of orange juice, her dark eyes shining over the rim of the glass. "Business class isn't cheap."

"He's like a brother to me." Bonnie agreed as she dropped into her seat. Still feeling a little flustered at how blatantly she'd ogled the other woman's legs, she kept her attention firmly focused on fastening her seat belt. "... are you travelling on business?"

"Yes." The other woman gestured for a steward and handed over her now empty glass, then paused as Bonnie declined the offer of a pre-flight drink. "A visit to some customers here in New York, and then with some others in London. Are you a local?"

Bonnie shook her head. "I flew in from Atlanta. Are you staying in London long?"

"Just a few days. Then I fly home to Mumbai. I'm Chahna, by the way." As she spoke, the older woman offered her left hand. Bonnie shook it, noting the wedding ring as she did so.

"Bonnie. Is it hard being away from your husband on these trips?"

"My ... ?" Chahna blinked, then glanced down at her hand. "Oh yes, the ring. To be honest, I mainly wear this to keep away unwelcome attention when I'm travelling. Rings are not part of Hindi wedding customs."

"You're not married, then?"

"I was. My husband died a few years ago."

"Oh." Bonnie flushed, feeling foolish. "Sorry ..."

"There is no need to apologize." Chahna held up a fine-boned hand. "You were not to know. He has been dead for some time, now. He was a good man. Many Indian men would not allow their wife to take an active role in business."

Remembering her own father's reaction the one time her mother had broached the idea of getting a part time job, Bonnie wrinkled her nose. "That's not limited to India, I can tell you."

"You are probably right." Chahna agreed. "So this friend of yours ... has it been a long time since you saw him?"

"Quite a while, yes." Bonnie paused, thinking about how much to elaborate. "He and I used to date, years ago, but we worked better as friends." _All true, if not entirely honest._ "He's with someone else, now. Actually, I think part of the reason he was so keen for me to come visit is so I can give my opinion of his new beau."

"Ah, he is considering a love match, then. My own marriage was arranged by my parents."

"Really?" Bonnie was glad she had refused the offer of a drink, or she might have dropped it. "That still happens?" She stopped her outburst, flushing in embarrassment. "Sorry. I must sound like an ignorant American."

"Only a little bit." Chahna held up her fingers, a half inch apart, but her smile took any sting out of the words. "Yes, it does still happen. For both men and women. I was lucky, really. My husband was quite a lot older than me, but he was a good man. Gentle and kind, and willing to allow his young wife her liberated ways."

"Wow. That seems so weird to me." Bonnie settled back in her chair, frowning slightly. Then she shook her head. "Though I guess with all the divorces in the US, maybe marrying for love isn't all it's cracked up to be." _Or like my parents ... miserable with each other, but still together._

"Divorces or not, I think I would still rather marry for love." Chahna leaned back in her own chair, and turned her head to look out of the window. She was silent for a moment, then turned back to Bonnie. "But enough of that. You said this is your first visit to Europe. Are you staying in London, or travelling?"

"Staying in London." Bonnie replied, feeling a slight jerk as the aircraft pushed away from the gate at last. "At least I think so. Andy – my friend – didn't mention any travelling, anyway. I'm only there for a few days. Like you."

"Though you are there for pleasure, rather than business."

"Well, yeah." Bonnie agreed, "But maybe you'll manage to find some time for some fun, too?"

"Maybe." Chahna conceded, with a half smile. "London is a vibrant city, full of life ... though very cold and grey at this time of year, at least to me. Still, I am sure you will have a great time, especially with a local to show you the sights."

"Andy's not really a local." Bonnie admitted. "He lives in Edinburgh with his partner. They're coming down to London for the weekend. I originally thought I'd be going to Scotland, but Andy said there was no way he was letting me make my first visit to 'his puir, wee country' –" she mimicked the appalling accent Andy had affected when he made the statement "- 'at this ahbom'nable time o' year'."

"Your friend sounds like quite the character."

"Oh, he is."

* * *

"Bonnie, my love!" Andy stepped out of the bustling crowd and spread his arms wide. "Come to my embrace, dear heart."

"I see you haven't changed." The former cheerleader rolled her eyes at the extravagant display. Then, seeing no sign of Andy lowering his arms, she shrugged, threw her own arms around him, and landed a big, noisy kiss on his cheek.

"Ugh. Girl germs." Andy shuddered theatrically, then grinned. Brushing his ash blonde fringe back from his eyes, he turned and grabbed the hand of a tall, sturdily-built young man with tousled black hair. "Bonnie, this is Eric, the strudel of my dreams. Eric, this is Bonnie, the only woman who might ever have tempted me to go straight."

"I am sorry for Andy's behavior." Eric offered his hand. He had a good grip; firm but not aggressive. "He feels he must constantly be joking to make up for his humorless Teutonic boyfriend." He beetled his brows together in a mock glower.

Bonnie smiled. "I think the Teuton's humor is not so much absent, as too subtle for Andy to notice."

"I'm standing right here, you know."

"Yes, and you haven't yet offered to take my bags." Bonnie shoved the handle of her suitcase into Andy's hand and smirked at his sputter of protest. Glancing at Eric, she raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure you know what you're getting into?"

Andy pouted. "I was the best boyfriend you ever had!"

"Which says more about my romantic ineptitude than anything else." The brunette agreed mildly. "But thank you for picking me up. This place is a zoo."

"It always is." Andy began to lead the way through the teeming bustle of the Heathrow terminal.

"Did you have a good flight?" Eric asked. His English was excellent, with only his careful diction betraying that it was not his native tongue.

"Yeah, I managed to sleep for a few hours." Bonnie nodded. "And I was sitting next to this really nice woman –"

"_Ohhhhh_." Andy managed to make a single syllable salacious. "Was she gorgeous?"

"Yes, actually." Bonnie knew denying it would simply make Andy turn up the teasing. "Beautiful eyes, fantastic legs. Shame about the wedding ring."

"A mere trifle." Andy waved the last comment away, though his tone made it clear he was joking. "I'm glad you got some sleep: we've got a busy weekend planned."

Bonnie snorted. "It would have been hard _not_ to sleep, what with the pampering you get in business class. Don't think I'm going to let you get away unscathed for that little stunt, buddy. I checked the airline website and you can't use points to get business class tickets, except for family."

"You _are_ family." Andy shrugged as he lead the trio into the car park. "My gorgeous baby dyke little sister."

"I'm not sure the airline would agree with your definition of family."

It was Eric who replied.

"It is useless to argue with him, Bonnie. He insists on being this extravagant with everyone he cares about."

"Listen to the handsome bratwurst." Andy waggled his eyebrows. "I'm incorrigible."

Bonnie sighed.

"You're certainly that."

* * *

Incorrigible or not, Andy was also a fantastic host. He drove them into the spacious two-bedroom apartment he'd booked, dropping off Bonnie's luggage, and giving her time to freshen up. Then he and Eric had dragged her off on a whirlwind tour of all of central London's most famous sights - Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Nelson's column – and also some lesser known delights.

"This place is gorgeous in the summer." Andy explained as they wandered through the shell of St Dunstan's. The ruined church stood amidst the modern office buildings. Bombed in the Second World War, it had been left unrestored as a memorial of the Blitz.

"It's gorgeous _now_." Bonnie breathed, imagining the trees and ivy that grew in the ruins as they would appear in summer.

"Just one of many gifts brought to you by the German people." Eric murmured softly.

"Oh ... I guess this must be a bit strange for you." Until that moment, Bonnie hadn't considered what the church might represent to a German.

"Strange, but not bad. Any war is a terrible thing, and what Germany did in that one was even more terrible. I think memorials like this are important _because_ they remind us of our mistakes."

"He's so wise." Andy slipped his arm around the other man and gave him a peck on the cheek.

They moved on, exploring other parts of the city, travelling either on foot or by hopping on and off the famous Tube. A stroll along the Thames was chilly, but gave great views of the houses of Parliament, and let them pass close to the Globe Theatre.

"Closed at this time of year, of course." Andy remarked of the open-air venue. "Which just means you'll have to come back in summer, Bonbon."

The West End, on the other hand, was in full swing, with dozens of shows on offer. Andy produced tickets to _The Mousetrap_ with a flourish.

"That was wonderful." Bonnie remarked, as they emerged from the theatre into the cold night air.

"Longest running show in the world." Andy observed. "I thought as an actor you'd have an interest in it."

"I'm a teacher." Bonnie corrected.

"With your looks and talent, you could be a star."

"I think you may be biased." The brunette nudged Andy with her hip, then shrugged. "... I did think about chasing 'the Hollywood dream'. But I love teaching, and working with the kids. I'm happy doing what I do. That's what's important."

"Now _that_ is wisdom." Eric nodded.

"I'll tell you what's wisdom," Andy rubbed his hands together, then shoved them under his armpits. "And that's getting out of this cold."

"Good idea." Bonnie nodded fervently. Alabama wasn't exactly known for its harsh winters, and she was definitely feeling the chill.

"We could catch a taxi back to the apartment?" Eric suggested.

"God no, the night is still young." Andy waved away that proposal. "Rainbow is nearby, we should go there and have a drink or two." He turned to Bonnie. "It's this great little club. I used to go there whenever I was in town, but bratwurst here's too much of a homebody, so I haven't been in ages."

"I don't know ..." Bonnie didn't really want to call an end to the night, but with a name like 'Rainbow', it wasn't hard to guess what kind of club it was.

"Come on, Bonbon." Andy immediately guessed the reason for her uncertainty. "You're four thousand miles from home. If you're ever going to stick a toe out of the closet, now's the time to do it."

Indecision tore at her.

"... okay. Just for a quick drink, though." Bonnie swallowed, unsure whether she felt triumphant or terrified.

_Maybe both._

* * *

Rainbow was a smallish venue, and relatively quiet with it being a Wednesday night. The music wasn't quite as deafening as at some of the clubs Bonnie had been in, and the clientele – what there was of it – looked to be mainly young professionals.

"See anyone you fancy?" Andy leaned in close so he didn't have to shout to be heard.

"We're just here for a _drink_, remember?"

"Doesn't mean you can't window-shop, beautiful. What about her?" He nodded at a voluptuous, heavily made-up blonde with spiked blonde hair.

"I like my girls more natural."

"You mean the ... ?" Alex made the international gesture for 'breasts'.

"Well, those too. But also the hair and make-up."

"Ah, so you want some restraint and refinement. Some class. Must be why you dated me."

"Riiiight."

"I shall ignore that sarcasm." Andy contrived to look pious. Almost immediately the façade crumbled and he gave a wolf whistle. "Oh! How about her over there?"

"Don't point!" Bonnie pushed down Andy's hand. When he made to point again, she sighed. "I'll look, I'll look. Just don't point."

"No pointing. Got it."

With a sigh, Bonnie turned in the direction her former boyfriend was staring. _Okay, that _is_ a much better choice_. The indicated woman was facing away, but she was tall and elegant, with coffee-colored skin and long, slim legs. Her dark hair flowed over her shoulders.

"Not bad." The brunette acknowledged, then broke off as the woman turned, and their eyes met across the small club. "_Chahna?_"

**Author's Note: **Holy crap, an update! :)

St Dunstan's is a real place. _The Mousetrap_ is a real play, written by Agatha Christie. It's been running continuously since 1952, so I figured it was safe to assume it would still be showing in the near future setting of this story.

Rainbow is a fictional location, as far as I know.


	18. Social Studies

"Woah, woah, woah!" Andy made a 'T' with his hands, a habit he'd picked up from watching 'that silly game with all the muscle-y boys in tight pants'. "You _know _her?"

"... it's the woman I met on the plane."

"I thought you said she was married."

"No. I said she was wearing a wedding ring."

Andy stared at her for a few moments, then whistled. "You sneaky devil." He actually sounded admiring. "So: was this planned? Did you know she'd be here?"

"Of _course_ I didn't know she'd be here." Bonnie protested. "I thought she was straight!"

"Well, don't look now, but I think she's noticed us." Andy nodded in the Indian woman's direction. Bonnie sneaked a glance, and groaned. Chahna was certainly looking over at them, and she had the same slightly stunned expression that the brunette suspected had recently adorned her own face.

Eric spoke up. "I think you should go and talk to her."

Bonnie blinked, blindsided by the German's suggestion. "What?"

"Listen to my wise strudel." Andy instructed.

"Clearly she has noticed you. And just as clearly - thanks to Andrew - we have noticed her. I think it would be rude to just ignore her, yes?"

"Oh god." Bonnie ran a hand through her hair. "What on earth would I say?"

Any smirked. "How about 'I know this sounds like a line, but you look familiar. Have we met?'"

"Andy!"

"Andrew!"

"Just a suggestion, my loves."

* * *

"Um. Hi." _Oh good grief, even Andy's idea was better than that._

"Hello, Bonnie." Chahna's response seemed as tentative as Bonnie herself was feeling. Counter-intuitively, that actually made the former cheerleader feel a little more confident. _I guess it's nice to know I'm not the only one who's feeling a bit off-balance_.

"So ... " Bonnie floundered for a moment. _Oh, for god's sake: get a grip. Just imagine it's a scene for a play. And: action!_ "I guess maybe we both left something out when we were talking about ourselves on the plane."

To her relief, the comment brought a shy smile to the older woman's face. "It seems we did. Perhaps we should sit down and fill in the blanks?" Chahna gestured to one of the small booths that lined the club's walls.

"Sure. After you." Bonnie gestured for the Indian woman to lead, and then slid into the booth next to her, though she carefully left a space between them. "Sorry ... it's a bit too noisy in here to talk across the table."

"I understand." Chahna put down her drink. Orange juice again, though maybe there was something mixed into it.

"Just so we're on the same page ..." Bonnie took a deep breath. "... you're gay, right? You're not just here because it's a place you won't get men hitting on you?"

"Yes. I am gay." Chahna nodded as she spoke. Bonnie couldn't help but notice how the gesture made the older woman's body move under her close-fitting dress.

"So ... your husband ... ?"

"He never knew. Neither did I, to be honest. Not until after he was gone."

"Never?" Bonnie blinked, surprised at the idea.

"Never." Chahna repeated. She shrugged, an even more distracting movement than her nod. "I mean, I knew that I did not really find sex with my husband exciting ... he was always patient and gentle, and I tried to please him, but there was never any spark for me. But I was young and very naive when I married him, and I thought that was normal."

"Obviously you worked things out?"

"About a year after my husband died, I was on a business trip, and a woman made a pass at me. I was surprised and confused by it. I had never imagined such a thing would happen to me." Chahna smiled at the memory.

"So you didn't exactly leap at the opportunity?"

"Not at all, no." Chahna shook her head. "But afterward, when I was back in my hotel room, I got to thinking about what would have happened if I said yes ..." she trailed off, her dusky skin going darker still. "Well, let us just say that I worked out what had been wrong with my sex life." She paused, then continued. "You ... you are gay too, right?"

"... yeah, I'm a lesbian." It was amazing how liberating those few small words could feel. _Like Andy said, you're four thousand miles from home. You can be who you are._

"I guess you worked it out a bit earlier than me?"

"Yeah. I knew ... pretty much from the time that the other girls started getting interested in boys, really." Bonnie stopped, casting her mind back to her high school years. "Hitting the showers after cheerleading practice used to be torture, let me tell you."

"You were a cheerleader?" Chahna leaned back and ran her gaze up and down Bonnie's body. The brunette felt her skin prickle with heat at the appraising stare. "You certainly have the body for it."

"My, my, Ms Chahna." The younger woman spoke with more confidence and bravado than she genuinely felt, but her pleasure at the compliment was entirely unfeigned. "Are you always this forward?"

"I'm sorry. Was that -"

"I was teasing." Bonnie lightly draped her fingers over the other woman's hand, and stroked the tips over the smooth skin. "It's very flattering to have a beautiful woman look at me like that." _Where the hell did _that_ come from? Oh right, that Piper Perabo movie. _Recycling movie scripts or not, it felt _wonderful_ to finally express what she felt to a woman; to openly be herself. It was even more wonderful that Chahna did not withdraw her hand.

"You are certainly very flattering, yourself." Chahna admitted. She moistened her lips with her tongue, a gesture that Bonnie immediately wished she would repeat. _Okay, you're riding high on adrenaline. But you've only just met. You need to get your hormones in check_. Maybe a brief break in the conversation would help settle her.

"I'm going to get a drink. Would you like anything?"

"Um ... just a diet coke, please."

"Be right back."

* * *

Somehow, Andy contrived to be at the bar when Bonnie arrived.

"Oh, buying her a drink. How butch of you, my love."

"Andy ..."

"I'll stop teasing, I promise." Andy crossed his heart. "Is it going well? Is she nice? Do you want to bring her over to meet us?"

"I don't know. Yes. God, no." Bonnie ticked the answers off on her fingers. "I think she's as nervous as I am. I couldn't subject her to you right now. She'd probably not stop running until she was back in India."

* * *

"Was that your friend at the bar? Do you need to go back to sit with them?"

"It was, and no I don't." For once, Bonnie's light tone was entirely genuine. The short break - and Andy's obvious concern for her - had helped her settle her emotions, which had been racing. She was new to this flirting thing, after all. Well, with a woman, anyway. She didn't want to do anything stupid.

The brunette placed two diet cokes on the table and slid in beside Chahna once more. This time she didn't stop until she felt her knee lightly brush the other woman's leg. As she had hoped, the Indian woman didn't pull away from the contact. "Andy's the ex I mentioned on the plane."

"I can see why it didn't work out." Chahna's tone was dry. Probably because Andy was nibbling Eric's ear at that moment.

"He wasn't so ... flamboyant ... then." Bonnie admitted. "But yeah, it was pretty doomed, wasn't it?"

"Indeed." Chahna picked up her drink. She had very nice hands. Long, elegant fingers. "Is that the new beau you were asked to inspect?"

"It is." Bonnie confirmed.

"And your thoughts?"

"He has his hands full with Andy." The response brought a low chuckle from the Indian woman. "Eric seems like a really nice guy. Very grounded, not at all like Andy's last boyfriend. Andy and Pierre was all drama, all the time."

"So your friend has found himself someone special. That is good. I am single, myself." Chahna paused, nervously running her finger around the edge of the glass. "What about you? Is there anyone in your life?"

For a moment, the image of an auburn-haired Montanan flickered faintly in Bonnie's mind. But only faintly, and only for a moment. _That ship has sailed_.

"No. Not at the moment."

* * *

"So the two of you have been looking very cozy for the past hour." Somehow, Andy was at the bar again the moment Bonnie returned there. "Will you be coming home tonight, or sleeping elsewhere?"

"What?" The brunette blinked. "Andy, I only just met her today."

"I know. But you've spent the past fifteen minutes practically nuzzling her neck."

"... it's loud in here. You have to lean in close to hear each other."

"Uh huh." Andy looked far from convinced. Bonnie fought not to blush. It _was_ loud. Of course, she probably didn't need to have her hand on Chahna's knee for the other woman to hear her. And there had been a few times she'd leaned so close her lips had not-so-accidentally brushed against the Indian woman's neck. But Andy didn't need any more ammunition to tease her.

She decided to move the conversation along before Andy got inquisitive. "Look, she's smart and she's beautiful and she seems really nice, but I barely know her. She could be an axe murderer."

"Ah." Andy held up one finger. "That's why you have your Uncle Andy around to help, my sweet. I've been talking to the lovely Seamus here -" he gestured at the muscled young man behind the bar. "- apparently your new friend turns up three or four times a year, visiting the club for a couple of nights in a row. The good news is, there's no evidence she's an axe murderer."

"And the _bad_ news?"

Andy attempted to look innocent. "Who said there was bad news?"

"Saying 'the good news is ...' kind of implies there's bad news as well, Andy."

"Fine." The young Englishman sighed. "The bad news is that as far as Seamus knows, she's never gone home with someone she's just met."

"Oh." _As bad news goes, that's pretty mild_. Still, Bonnie was surprised to feel a pang of disappointment. It had been nice to at least have the fantasy of a holiday tryst. "Well, you know Andy, I've never been home with anyone ... female. So I expect I'll probably be coming home with you guys."

Andy gave a little frown, then shrugged. "Up to you, my love."

* * *

With a small frown of her own, Bonnie return to her table with Chahna. She was just in time to see the Indian woman politely deflecting an approach from a tall, leather-clad butch.

"Sorry I was gone so long." Bonnie slid back into the seat beside her companion. She deliberately left a gap again this time, and felt a small thrill when after a moment, Chahna shifted so their legs were touching once more. She dropped her hand back onto the Indian woman's knee, fingers gently caressing the smooth skin.

"I saw your friend intercept you at the bar." Chahna took a sip of her drink. Looking pensively into the glass, she asked. "Do you need to leave soon?"

"Um ... no. Andy's happy to stay longer." Bonnie looked into her own glass, wanting to ask the question her ex had put in her mind, but not sure she should. _For god's sake girl, you have your hand on her knee. She obviously likes you, so the worst that'll happen is she will say 'no'._ Grasping onto her courage with both hands, the brunette looked up and spoke again, trying to keep her tone casual. "Actually, he was asking me whether I was planning to go home with you, tonight."

"Oh." Chahna's dusky skin blushed even darker. She glanced through her lashes at the younger woman. "And ... what did you say?"

"... I said I liked you a lot, but we'd only just met."

Chahna nodded, and nibbled on her bottom lip. "I like you as well." She admitted. "But I must be nearly twenty years older than you -"

"Maybe ten. I'm twenty-four."

"I am thirty-nine."

"Really?" Bonnie's surprise was genuine. She lifted her hand from Chahna's knee and gently brushed the older woman's cheek with the back of her fingers. "I would not have guessed that." She paused, then continued softly. "So there's a big age difference, and we live on opposite sides of the planet."

"Yes."

"I'd still like to go home with you." It felt thrillingly brave to say those words, even though she was almost sure the offer would be declined.

"... I would like that."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So, looks like Bonnie's night just got interesting :) Amazing what being on the other side of the planet, with people you will probably never see again, will do for a person's confidence! Will the new, more assertive Bonnie disappear when she returns home? I guess we'll see.

And just in case there are any UK readers out there, who are annoyed that I've called someone from Edinburgh 'English'. Andy lives in Scotland, but he is an Englishman, with a pretty typical received pronunciation accent. Hence the reference to his terrible attempt at a Scottish accent, last chapter :)


	19. International Relations

"Wow, nice place." Bonnie complimented Chahna as the older woman closed the door behind them. The rented apartment was a modern, open-plan affair. Most of the floor space was taken up with a combined living room and dining area. To the left, there was a small kitchenette. To the right, a closed door that probably led to a bathroom or laundry. At the back of a room was a spiral staircase leading to a loft-style bedroom.

"It's very comfortable." Chahna agreed. "Can I take your coat?"

"Oh, here." Bonnie shucked out of the heavy garment. "Thanks."

"No problem." Chahna smiled. The older woman looked a little nervous. Bonnie, to her own surprise, was not. She'd built up so much worry and doubt over ever telling anyone she was gay; but now she finally had, she felt only a mild euphoria. And who wouldn't be happy to be spending the night with a beautiful woman like Chahna? Sure, there was a niggling little voice in the back of her mind, reminding her that she never would have done this if she wasn't on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. _But you know what, little voice? You can shut the hell up._

"Would you like a drink? I have a bottle of red wine I could open."

"That would be lovely." Bonnie turned to face Chahna, and reached out to gently clasp the older woman's hand. "But, before you go ..."

"Yes?"

Rather than answer with words, the former cheerleader simply leaned in, brushing her mouth against Chahna's. The older woman stiffened for a moment, but Bonnie just held the light pressure, and slowly Chahna relaxed. The Indian woman's lips parted, and Bonnie deepened the kiss, her hands sliding round to hold Chahna by the hips. Finally, they broke apart.

"Wow." It was the second time Bonnie had used the word since she entered the apartment, but it had an entirely inflection on this occasion.

"Wow indeed." Chahna blushed and looked down. "That was ..."

"Wonderful." Bonnie lifted her right hand from Chahna's hip and gently lifted the older woman's chin. She smiled at the smokiness she saw in Chahna's eyes, and leaned in for a second kiss. This time her companion responded immediately, slim arms wrapping around Bonnie, one hand caressing the back of the younger woman's neck. For her own part, the former cheerleader dropped her hands back to Chahna's hips, then slid them around to cup the older woman's buttocks and draw her into a tighter clinch.

Finally, the second kiss came to an end. They stood, bodies pressed together, breaths mingling.

"I ... should really get that wine." Chahna murmured at last, her words a little shaky.

"Yeah." Bonnie barely managed to keep a tremor out of her own voice. "But you know ... red wine stains are awful to get out, and that dress looks like dry-clean only ... not a good combination given you sound a little unsteady right now."

Chahna gave a breathy laugh. "Perhaps a little. Maybe we should skip the drink."

"I had an alternative solution." Bonnie gently kissed the older woman's mouth; just a brief touch of lips this time. Then she slid her hands to the top of Chahna's zipper and raised her eyebrows in silent question.

The Indian woman swallowed, her nervous look returning, but she gave the slightest of slight nods.

Holding her breath, though not really aware she was doing it, Bonnie slid the zipper down, then pushed the fabric off Chahna's shoulders. The dress slid down, caught briefly on the swell of the older woman's breasts, and then fell to the floor.

Bonnie stepped back and allowed herself to savor the half-naked woman before her. Chahna wore no bra; something Bonnie had suspected from the sinous movements of her body beneath the dress. The Indian woman's breasts were full and round, and if they did not sit as high as a younger woman's, they were no less beautiful for all that. She had a slender body, without being skinny. Stomach just a little curved, thighs and arms a little softer than Bonnie's own. Black, French-cut panties concealed the most private of her charms.

"Beautiful." Bonnie breathed, watching in pleasure as a dark flush spread across Chahna's chest.

"I'm ... going to get that wine." The older woman carefully stepped out of the dress. She made as if to pick it up, but Bonnie gently stopped her.

"I'll get it." The brunette gathered up the dress, and folded it neatly over the back of a chair, then took a seat on the living room couch. This gave Bonnie an unimpeded view of Chahna as she worked the cork loose from the wine bottle - and _that_ was quite the distraction.

After a minute, the Indian woman returned, holding two glasses of wine. She passed one to the former cheerleader, then kicked off her shoes and sat on the sofa.

"Come closer." The brunette encouraged gently, and the older woman leaned into her, resting her head on the younger woman's shoulder and curling her legs up underneath herself. Bonnie took a moment to silently sit there and savor the warmth of the beautiful, near-naked woman pressed against her.

After a few moments, Chahna spoke. "Have you ... done this before?"

_That_ question momentarily rocked the former cheerleader's confidence.

"Um ... you mean been with a woman?" She asked, tentatively.

"No, of course not." From her brief smile, Chahna seemed to find that idea amusing. "I meant ... gone home with a woman you've only just met."

"Oh. No. Never."

"Neither have I." The Indian woman said quietly. "And I have never been with someone so young and beautiful. I ... I must admit I am rather nervous. I wish I could be as calm as you seem to be."

Bonnie chuckled. "Calm? I'm a better actress than I realized. I'm ..." She paused, looking for the right words. "Not nervous, exactly. And excited isn't the right word either. It's ... well, I'm sitting here with a beautiful woman in my arms, and ... hell, if the night ended now, it would still be wonderful."

"Very well. I'll get your coat."

For a moment, the brunette was taken in by the deadpan delivery. She shot Chahna a confused look, then saw the older woman's mischievous grin. Her panic subsided, and she gave a mock-scowl. "Minx."

"I can't let you have everything your own way." Chahna laughingly protested. "After all, you already got me half-naked, and you're still fully clothed."

"True." Bonnie pretended to consider the point. "We really need to do something about that 'half' part."

"Okay." To the younger woman's surprise, Chahna rose smoothly from the couch and moved to stand in front of her. _I'm surprised, but not complaining_. Bonnie leaned back, raking the other woman's body with an appreciative stare. Chahna raised her eyebrows in challenging fashion. "Come on then, my confident young lover."

"You ... want _me_ to take them off?" It seemed the surprises weren't over.

"Well, I'm not going to do a striptease for you." Chahna's eyebrows arched even higher. Then she gave a salacious smile. "Not tonight, anyway."

The younger woman's mouth went dry at the mental images _that_ conjured forth. But this was one challenge she certainly did not intend to fail. Carefully setting her wine glass down on the side table, she moved to the edge of the couch, reached out, and eased down the older woman's black panties.

Chahna lightly rested her free hand on Bonnie's shoulder as she stepped out of the panties. For her part, the former cheerleader lightly grasped the older woman's hips and drew her closer, planting a kiss on the triangle of soft, dark curls that had been revealed.

"Bonnie." Chahna's voice was husky, almost a growl.

"Yes?"

"Take me to bed. Now."

Well, it would be rude to refuse a lady.

* * *

Bonnie woke as Chahna eased out of the bed.

"Hrrrm?" The university lecturer murmured indistinctly. "What time is it?"

"A little after four." Chahna replied, in a near-whisper. "I'm just going to get a glass of water. Do you want anything?"

Bonnie raked her eyes up and down the other woman's naked body. "I certainly do."

The businesswoman laughed softly, leaning back over the bed to give Bonnie a kiss. "You had that already ... three times."

"Your point?" The younger woman broke the lip-lock and moved her mouth to Chahna's neck, something she had already discovered drove the older woman wild.

"Um ... oh ..." It seemed Chahna herself was struggling to remember what her point had been. Bonnie's hands, which had now cupped her breasts, probably weren't helping her concentration any.

Another kiss followed. And another. Chahna never did get her glass of water.

* * *

The next time Bonnie awakened, the bed beside her was empty, but a dim glow from below, and the soft gurgle of an electric kettle, gave her a hint as to Chahna's location. She rolled over and checked the electric alarm clock. _7:02_.

Sliding from the bed, the young woman stretched, then glanced at herself in the dresser mirror. It felt almost strange that she looked no different than the day before ... no physical sign that her body had finally known the touch of a lover. Not that she had been a virgin, in the technical sense. But well ... sleeping with Brick had been a strategy. Sleeping with Chahna had been something far more personal and significant ... something she'd waited all her adult life to try.

Not bothering to dress; the room was comfortably heated; Bonnie clambered down the stairs to the kitchenette. Chahna was facing away from her, pouring water from the kettle into a mug. The Indian woman had donned a t-shirt, just barely long enough to cover her butt, and tight enough to draw Bonnie's attention.

The former cheerleader stood silently for a moment, both amused and exasperated - though more the latter - to find herself suddenly feeling bashful. _For god's sake, three hours ago you had your mouth between her legs. _But of course, that very intimacy was what made her bashful. Bonnie had never had a morning after. It had always been 'do the deed, then get rid of him and have a shower'. She wasn't really sure how to act. _How about like a normal human being, idiot?_

"Good morning."

"Good morning." Chahna turned with a smile, then stopped still when she saw Bonnie. "My goodness ... it would be nice to be greeted this way every day."

The younger woman blushed, but rallied. "You're not exactly hard on the eyes, yourself."

"Thank you." It was Chahna's turn to blush. "I was just making tea. Would you like some?"

"Yes, thank you. But first ..." Bonnie stepped forward and cupped the older woman's chin, then leaned forward for a long, slow kiss on the mouth. Only after Chahna's arms were wrapped around her and their bodies were pressed together did she allow their lips to part. "... now that's a proper 'good morning'."

"It certainly is." Chahna agreed softly, giving her another peck on the lips. "I wish I didn't have so many appointments today, so I could drag you back to bed."

It was disappointing to think this experience would soon be over. "Do you have an early start?"

"My first meeting's at nine." Chahna leaned against the younger woman, resting her cheek against Bonnie's shoulder. "Last one should finish about six, but then I'm having dinner with a client."

"Busy day." The brunette did her best not to hide her disappointment. It sounded like she was getting the brush-off. But then, it was probably silly of her to have hoped that Chahna would want to see her again.

"Yes." Chahna replied. She was silent for a moment, then spoke again, her tone tentative. "... if I reminded my client I'm flying home tomorrow, I could probably keep it from being too late a night. I ... could be back here around nine. I mean ... if you'd like to see me again."

Bonnie smiled, while fighting the urge to nod her head so hard it would fall off. "I would love to see you again. Last night was ... definitely an experience I want to repeat." A wicked thought occurred to her, and her smile broadened. "And of course I need to collect on that striptease you promised me."

"I ... what?" Chahna leaned back, looking confused. Then her expression cleared and she gave Bonnie a wry grin. "That is not quite how I remember the conversation."

The younger woman pretended to pout. "Aw. No striptease?"

"I suppose you'll have to come over tonight and find out, won't you?"

* * *

**Author's Note:** So Bonnie has finally - thanks to the distance granted by a Trans-Atlantic holiday - moved from the closet to the bedroom. And it seems to have gone well. Will she go back to her safe little box when she gets home? How will this taste of what she's been missing affect her? Should be interesting to find out!

First, though, she has a little more time to spend in London. Time enough to see Chahna again. And perhaps enough time for a few more surprises :)


	20. Cultural Lessons

"Details!" Andy demanded, the moment he opened the door.

"A well-bred person does not kiss and tell." Bonnie informed him, entering the apartment her ex-boyfriend had rented for their stay in London.

"_I_ do."

"I think that is the point Bonnie is making." Eric remarked, glancing up from where he was sprawled on the couch with a book.

"Oh! Stabbed in the back by my own strudel!" Andy pretended to swoon.

"You'll live." The brunette shook her head at his antics.

Andy shrugged, and took her hands. "Seriously, my love ... did you have a good night?"

"Wonderful." Bonnie fought unsuccessfully to stop herself from turning red. "We ... uh ... didn't have any big plans for tonight, did we? Say anytime after nine?"

"An encore performance has been arranged?" Andy raised his eyebrows. "Clearly it really _was_ wonderful!"

"It was ... almost everything I could have wanted."

"Almost?"

"Yeah." Bonnie sighed. "I ... the only way it would have been better was if it was with someone I loved. Don't get me wrong; I like Chahna a lot. She's smart, and funny, and gorgeous ... but we're probably never going to see each other after tonight."

"You'll find someone else." Andy assured her. "There are thousands of women who would love to be yours."

Bonnie gave a rueful sigh. "I think we both know that my problem with meeting someone is more about me than them."

"Perhaps." Her ex-beard allowed. "But you may not find your closet so comfortable now you've actually dipped your toe outside."

_That's what I'm afraid of_.

* * *

Andy's plan for the day turned out to be historical and cultural sites. He, Bonnie and Eric started with Apsley House, the one-time home of the Duke of Wellington.

"My god." Bonnie breathed, walking into a room that seemed filled from floor to ceiling with gold.

"These are the trophies old Welly was sent for defeating Napoleon." Andy explained. "Apparently the nobility of Europe weren't too fond of the little Corsican fellow. Of course, this was also pretty much the last time my lot and Eric's lot -" he nodded at his lover "- were on the same side."

Their next stop were the war rooms of Churchill's cabinet; definitely a place from a time where the British and Germans were not friends. Eric had mixed feelings about the bulldog-like Prime Minister, though not for the reasons Bonnie had expected.

"I have nothing but admiration for what he did in the war." The young man explained. "If Germany had won, I would be in a concentration camp now, assuming I was still alive. But he certainly had his flaws. His attitude toward India, for instance ... but I am sure your friend Chahna would know more of that than me, if you asked her."

Andy snorted. "Yes, I'm sure discussing seventy year-old politics is an integral plan for Bonnie's eve- ow!" He rubbed his arm where Bonnie had smacked it. "Brute."

There final stop of the day was the Tower of London, which had been both a palace and a prison, and could probably have occupied Bonnie for the whole day.

"Which is exactly why we came here last. So we'd be able to see other things today." Andy informed her, when she mentioned that fact. "Well, that and some people just don't appreciate it. Philistines."

* * *

As fascinating as all three locations had been, however, none quite made Bonnie's heart race like standing at an ordinary apartment door, just after nine o'clock that night.

Chahna answered the door mere seconds after her knock, greeting her with a warm smile. Still bundled up from the cold outside air, Bonnie took a moment to savor the older woman's trim figure, which was encased in an expertly tailored skirt-suit.

"Come in, come in. Let me take your coat." Chahna closed the door behind Bonnie and helped her shuck out of her warm covering. When the Indian woman turned away to hang the coat on a hook, Bonnie stepped in behind her and slid her arms around the Chahna's waist.

"You look ... and smell ... wonderful." The brunette let her voice drop to a husky register, as she nipped gently at Chahna's neck with her lips.

"Mmmmm." The older woman settled back into the embrace, tilting her head so that her neck was exposed to Bonnie's mouth. The former cheerleader needed no further invitation, and nuzzled into the smooth skin with pleasure. "You made it very hard to concentrate today."

"I did?" Bonnie probably wasn't doing anything for the Indian woman's concentration in the current moment, either, but she had no intention of stopping.

Chahna gave a throaty chuckle. "Absolutely. Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on a presentation about improving our shipping methods when your naked body keeps intruding in my thoughts?"

"Oh, you _have_ had a hard day. That must have been very distracting." The younger woman increased Chahna's distraction by sliding her hands up to the Indian woman's breasts, and gently kneading the soft flesh through the fabric of her jacket. "It sounds like I had a lot more other things to occupy my mind than you did."

"So you didn't -" Chahna's breath hitched as Bonnie's teeth scraped lightly across the juncture of her shoulder and neck, "- didn't think of me at all?"

"Oh, I didn't say _that_." Bonnie moved her lips to the older woman's ear and whispered. "I kept thinking about bending you over the end of that couch and having you."

The older woman groaned, and her hips twitched, pressing her ass back against Bonnie's groin. "So why are we still standing here?"

* * *

"I can't believe you're single." Bonnie said, much later, as the two women lay naked in bed. As the slightly taller member of the pair, the brunette was spooning Chahna, her mouth close to the older woman's ear. "You're beautiful, successful ... a great lover ..."

"I would say the same of you." Chahna rolled over so that they were facing each other. As nice as spooning had been, Bonnie quickly decided she liked this better; the feel of Chahna's arms around her, the tangle of their legs, and the press of breast against breast. The Indian woman ran her fingers from Bonnie's shoulder to her elbow, then back again. "India is still a very conservative place in many ways ... homosexuality was only decriminalized four years ago. I ... I'm not open about being a lesbian."

"Oh." Bonnie felt ignorant for knowing so little of the other woman's country. "Back home a lot of intolerance comes from religion. Is it the same there?"

Chahna shrugged. "It's complicated. Different groups treat it differently. I have a friend who says that no two Hindus can agree what Hinduism even _is_. And of course we have Buddhists and Sikhs and Muslims too."

"I'm not out, either." Bonnie admitted. "That's why I'm single."

"Really?" Chahna's surprise was clearly genuine. "I would never have guessed. You seem so ... confident in who you are."

"I told you I was a good actress." Bonnie brushed her lips over the older woman's forehead. "It ... it's something I hate about myself. That I hide, I mean -" She hastily clarified, not wanting Chahna to get the wrong impression. "- not that I'm gay." She sighed. "I have a friend who's out ... I admire her courage for that so much."

"Does she know about you?"

Bonnie shook her head. "Only Andy - my ex - and his boyfriend know. Other than you, obviously."

Chahna smiled. "Yes, I have had a quite thorough demonstration of your preferences." She paused. "My sister knows. I haven't told anyone else from my life at home."

"Are you close?" Bonnie couldn't imagine sharing any kind of confidence with her own sisters. _Certainly not __**that**__; they'd tell our parents in a heartbeat_.

"We are." The other woman nodded. "She doesn't understand it, but she loves me and accepts me." _Must be nice_.

* * *

"I really need to get up." Chahna murmured, for the third time since they'd awoken. Despite her words, she didn't actually move. Neither did Bonnie.

"It's not time yet." The former cheerleader insisted.

"It will be soon. Check out is in an hour. And you can't ignore your friends all day."

"Are you kidding?" Bonnie chuckled, and kissed the tip of the older woman's nose. "Andy's almost as excited about our ..." she foundered for a word that accurately described her relationship with Chahna. _Fling is too dismissive. Romance too overwrought._ "He's almost as excited about my time with you as I am. He'll pout at me if I don't eke out every last second."

"Ah." Chahna nodded. "So you are refusing to leave the bed to keep your friend happy."

Bonnie nodded. "Oh yes. I'm very thoughtful that way."

"I guess than means we're stuck here for another half hour, then." Chahna mused. "However shall we occupy the time?"

Somehow, they managed.

* * *

"Do you want to stay in touch?" Bonnie blurted, as Chahna's taxi pulled up at the kerb. She offered a small slip of paper. "By email, I mean? I've written down my address."

Chahna was silent for a moment, and the younger woman's heart sank. _She probably thinks I'm a clingy little girl, who can't let go of a holiday fling_. Still, she couldn't let the older woman leave for the airport without making the offer.

"I would like that." The Indian woman said at last, to Bonnie's surprise and pleasure. She took the slip of paper and tucked it into her bag. "It will take me a few days to get settled back into things at home, but once I have, I will contact you."

"Thank you." Bonnie leaned forward and brushed her lips across the older woman's. Pride and anxiety warred within her over this public expression of affection. Resolutely, she focused on the pride. "For ... everything. Have a good flight home."

"Enjoy the rest of your stay in London." Chahna started to get into the taxi, then paused. "And thank you for everything, as well. I am very glad we met."

* * *

"So did the second night live up to the first?" Andy asked as soon as she arrived at the apartment, his eyes were aglow with curiosity.

"I'm not going to give you all the sordid details." Bonnie said primly.

"Oh, so the details are sordid, are they?" The young man rubbed his hands together. "Excellent."

"You're incorrigible."

"So my strudel keeps telling me."

"Where _is_ Eric?" Bonnie was surprised that the German man was not around.

"He's gone out for a while. Wanted to give you and I some time to talk in private."

The brunette sighed. "I'm really not going to go into details about my night, Andy."

"Not about _that_." The young man waved off the idea.

"Oh." _Now I'm confused_. "What about, then?"

Andy actually looked abashed. Bonnie couldn't remember _ever_ seeing that expression on his face before. "Well, my love, as much of a pleasure as it has been to see you, I must confess I had an ulterior motive for inviting you to come visit."

* * *

**Author's Note:** I decided to leave it here because ... well, because I am curious to hear what people think Andy's ulterior motive might be :)

This London diversion is nearly over, by the by. Bonnie will be back home by the end of next chapter. She'll have a lot to think about!


	21. Biological Science

"An ulterior motive?" Bonnie repeated. Her mind leapt to the worst possible scenario. "You didn't set up the whole thing with Chahna, did you?"

"Good grief, no." Andy laughed. "I'm not that clever. I admit I suggested going to Rainbow in the hope you might meet someone, but I didn't have anyone in particular lined up."

_That_ was a relief. "So if that wasn't your ulterior motive, what was?"

"What do you think of Eric?" Her ex-beard answered her question with a question.

"He has very strange taste in men." Bonnie deadpanned. She smiled when Andy responded with a histrionic swoon of betrayal. "Other than that, I like him a lot. He's smart, he's kind, and he's clearly besotted with you." She paused. "But I doubt that you brought me all the way to London just to ask my opinion of your boyfriend."

"I didn't ask your opinion of my boyfriend." Andy demurred. "I asked your opinion of my fiancé."

It took a few seconds for Bonnie's brain to compute what he was saying.

"Oh my god!" She leapt forward and swept her ex-boyfriend up in hug, her enthusiasm lifting him off his feet. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!"

"Oof." Andy laughingly complained. "Careful there, you amazon." He shook his head, then reached out to feel the hard muscle of her bicep. "Wow. If you were a man, Eric would have some competition for my affections."

"Sorry, but if I were a man, I'd still like women." Bonnie grinned, and let Andy's feet drop back to the floor. She glanced at her arms. "We used to do a lot of lifts and throws in our cheerleading routines in high school, and I demonstrate a lot of lifts in dance class. I'm stronger than I look."

"You don't say." Andy raised ironic eyebrows.

"I am _really_ pleased for you guys." Bonnie kissed him on the cheek. "Have you set a date?"

"We haven't picked the specific weekend, yet. But we do know it will be July or August next year."

"Well, I expect an invitation as soon as you know."

"I think that can be arranged." Andy's tone was dry. "After all, it would be hard to have the wedding without the best man."

"Huh?" As responses went, it was not Bonnie's most articulate.

"Or maybe we could call you the Maid of Honor." Andy mused. "Whichever. The person who stands next to me at the ceremony, anyway."

"You want _me_?"

The Englishman seemed surprised at the question. "Who else would I ask? Eric will have his brother there for him. You're the closest thing I have to a sibling, so ... you _do_ want to do it, I hope?"

"Of course!" Bonnie was vehement. "It's just a surprise."

"You think _you're_ surprised." Andy rolled his eyes. "The big goofy schnitzel asked my father's permission to marry me before he actually popped the question. Do you have any idea what it's like to be woken up with the words 'I haf arsked your farzer for your harnd in marr-age'?" His impersonation owed more to Arnold Schwarzenegger than it did to Eric's actual voice.

"Sure, you complain now, but I bet you were excited when he asked."

"Euphoric." Andy wrinkled his nose. "Hard to believe that in a year I'm going to be a boring old married man."

"Somehow, I doubt you will be boring." Bonnie scoffed. She paused as a thought occurred to her. "How did your dad take it? I assume you spoke to him after you said 'yes'."

"I did." Andy's gaze slid away for a moment, then returned to her. "He was okay with it. He likes Eric, and I think he was pleased that Eric came to ask his permission. That's the kind of old-fashioned thing he appreciates."

"But?" Bonnie prompted. She could tell that there was something Andy hadn't told her. "Is he still having trouble with the fact that you're gay?"

Andy shook his head. "No." Then he paused and shrugged. "Well, yes. But he's trying to be accepting. What I need to talk to you about isn't really about him, though. It's about something I realized while I was talking to him."

"Whatever it is, you can tell me." Bonnie took Andy's hands in her own. "You know I would do anything for you, right?"

To her surprise, Andy winced. "Don't make any promises until you know what I want." He warned. "This is huge. Gargantuan. Colossal. And I want you to know that I don't expect an answer today, or even this week or month. Take as long as you need. And whatever your answer, it won't change the fact that I want you to be my best man."

"Okay Andy, you're freaking me out a little here ..." Bonnie gave a nervous lick of her lips, and tried to lighten the mood. "What do you need from me that requires all this build-up? A kidney?"

"... an egg."

* * *

"He wants ya t' have his baby?" Joss's eyes were wide.

"It's not like he asked to impregnate me there and then." Bonnie did her best to sound nonchalant. The truth was, even four days after Andy had raised the matter, she didn't know how she felt about it. "But in three or four years, assuming all goes well, Eric and Andy would like to have a child."

"And they want ya t' be the birth mother." Joss actually laid down her spoon, a sure sign the conversation had her full attention. The two women sat at the small table in Bonnie's apartment. They'd been just about to start dessert when Bonnie had blurted out Andy's request.

The former cheerleader nodded. "Or at least to provide the ovum. Andy thought they could organize a surrogate if I didn't want to carry the child myself."

"Would ya do that? The surrogate, I mean?"

Bonnie shook her head. "No. If I agreed to do this ... and I don't know yet if I will ... then I would do it all."

"When d'ya need to decide?"

"Oh, not until they're ready to start a family." The brunette took a sip of soda. "Andy was very insistent that I had years to make a decision. He only asked now because he has this strange concept I might need some time to get used to the idea." She smiled at her own sarcasm.

"Would ya say 'yes', if ya had t' decide right now?"

Bonnie shook her head. "No, and I'm sure Andy knows that. In three or four years ... " She couldn't imagine saying yes, even then. On the other hand, a week ago she couldn't have imagined she'd spend two passionate nights with a woman fifteen years her elder. "... I don't know. It's pretty huge. Would you?"

Joss considered the question.

"No." She said at last. "Well ... I might donate an ovum, fer a real close friend. But if I carried a child fer nine months, I don't think I could give 'em up fer someone else t' raise."

"Andy said I could be as involved in the child's life as I wanted ..." Bonnie mused. "... and that he hoped I would want to be a part of it. But if they're living in the UK, and I'm still here, that'll be hard."

"Wow. I feel like an ass." Joss propped her chin on the heel of her hand.

"You do?" Bonnie was confused by the apparent non-sequitur.

The younger woman grinned. "Sorry, guess that came across as a bit random, huh? I just mean ... I remember tellin' ya how I wanna have kids. But I jus' realized I never thought about stuff like how much the guy I got to ... uh, 'help out' ... should have t' do with the kid's life."

"Well, I guess with sperm banks, you wouldn't need to worry about it, if you don't want to." Bonnie didn't know much about the mechanics of such places, but it had to be easier to get anonymous sperm than an anonymous ovum.

"True. But I guess if ya find a donor ya really trust, it's a bit like yer child has an extra parent watching out for 'em, right?" Joss picked up her fork again and tried a mouthful of the bread and butter pudding Bonnie had made. "Oh man."

Bonnie grinned. "I guess it's good?"

"Good?" The Montanan snorted, and ladled up another spoonful. "I swear, if the way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, then I don't know how ya haven't got 'em linin' up round the street to be with ya. Wednesday night is always the best meal of my week."

"You're not that hopeless in the kitchen." Bonnie pointed out. "The chili you did was really good."

Joss waved the comparison away. "Sure, anythin' where it's jus' 'stick a buncha stuff in a pot and apply heat', I can do. _Real_ cookin', not so much."

"You design rocket engines. I refuse to believe that bread and butter pudding is too complex for you to handle."

"Yeah, but I'm a butch. I can't be wastin' my time in the kitchen." Joss delivered the line with all apparent seriousness, but then took one look at the brunette's expression and chuckled. "I'm jus' messin' with ya. Though I have actually met people who expected me t' be like that. They see how I look and figure they know what I'm tryin' to be."

_Like I did. _"So you don't think of yourself as being a butch?"

"No. I'm just bein' me. That happens to mean havin' muscles and wearin' jeans and boots. An' I guess I come across as pretty cocky." Joss gave a half-grin when Bonnie unconsciously nodded at the last observation, but it faded as she continued. "Butch. Femme. Top. Bottom. They're labels we stick on people because we think we know who they are, but that don't mean we're right."

Something about the younger woman's tone niggled at Bonnie, and she put down her spoon. "Is everything okay?"

"What? Oh. Yeah." Joss suddenly seemed to find her bowl very interesting.

"You're still crap at lying, I see." The brunette's frank observation prompted a snort of surprised laughter from the Montanan.

"Apparently."

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay." Bonnie offered.

"It's just ... personal stuff. Relationship stuff."

"Are you and Reba having problems?"

"No." The denial was instinctive. Joss sighed and bit her lip. "Not really."

Bonnie didn't say anything, simply waiting patiently. After a long silence, the Montanan spoke again, keeping her eyes on the table.

"Ninety-five ... ninety-_nine_ percent of it is good. It's just ... well, you know where Reba and I met." Joss glanced up slightly, waiting for Bonnie's nod, then continued. "I guess you could say that Reba's a bit more ... 'lifestyle' than me." She gave a short laugh. "There's another goddamn label. Even _I_ do it."

"We all do." High School Bonnie had been good at labels. Dork. Loser. Nerd. Jock. _You're still good at them. Now you just turn them on yourself. _Coward. Failure.

"This mornin', Reba accused me of just 'playing' at bein' submissive." Joss frowned. "I'm not playin' at bein' anything. Not pretendin' t' be somethin' I'm not. I'm just me."

That sounded to Bonnie like more than a one percent problem, or even a five percent problem. _But that doesn't mean it can't be fixed._

"You need to talk to Reba about this, Joss." Bonnie suspected the younger woman knew this already, but wasn't sure how to do it. She tried to get her thoughts in order. "It sounds like Reba wants something from you that she feels she isn't getting. I don't know the details, obviously. And I probably shouldn't. That's a private matter for the two of you. But I think you need to talk to her, and find out what she thinks is missing. Either it's something you feel you can give her, or it isn't."

"And if it isn't?" Joss's voice had a ragged tone to it. "I really like her, Bonnie."

The brunette reached across the table and gently laced her fingers with Joss's. "I can see you do. And I hope you work it out. I want you to be happy." It was curiously liberating to say those words and really mean them, without any frustrated desires eating away at her. _I may not be able to be anything more than a friend to Joss, but I'm going to be the best friend I can be. _"It's a two way street. You need to find out what Reba wants, and give her as much as you can. But Reba also needs to ask what _you_ want, and give as much of it to you as _she_ can. Hopefully you'll find a way for both of you to be happy. But if not ... well, I'm afraid that when two people have mutually incompatible needs, the relationship is not going to work out." She paused, deliberately seeking out the most over the top example as a means of lightening the mood. "I mean, as much as Andy and I love each other, we'd fail utterly as a couple unless I suddenly grew a penis." _And of course I'd need to be into guys_. But it didn't seem the time to mention that.

As hoped, Joss gave a soft chuckle. "We'll certainly have a problem if _that's_ what she wants from me. But I get yer point. I'll talk to her. Thanks."

"No problem. I hope you guys work things out." It felt good to help a friend.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I originally wrote Bonnie and Andy's conversation about his desire to be a father, and his hope she would help ... but it felt very emotionally strained, and tonally not right for this story. Also, it's been a few chapters since Joss made an appearance. So I switched things around and wrote the 'four days later' scene instead. It works better for me, and it allows me to introduce another thread. We'll learn more about Joss and Reba, later.

Next chapter will be a bit different, structurally, than what has gone before.


	22. Correspondence Course

Two weeks went by without any word from Chahna, and Bonnie had more or less reconciled herself to the fact that the Indian woman had reconsidered her promise to stay in touch. She still checked her email every evening, but with without any real expectation there'd be anything there.

Life was full of surprises. Sometimes they were even pleasant ones.

* * *

**From:** Patel, Chahna

**To:** Rockwaller, Bonnie

**Subject:** From Chahna

Hello Bonnie

I apologise for how long it has taken me to send this email. I must confess when I accepted your email address I did so more because I did not want to refuse you, rather than because I thought continued contact was a good idea.

Despite my doubts, I have started this email several times. Every time, however, I've stopped. I suppose I should explain why.

I very much enjoyed our time together. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman, and a generous and enthusiastic lover. Everything I could want; except for the fact that you are so much younger than me, and live on the other side of the planet.

But of course, we _do_ live on opposite sides of the world, and you are (almost) young enough to be my daughter. And that scares me. The first few times I started this email, I wrote about how I was concerned that you might become emotionally attached to me, and how I didn't want to hurt you.

It's taken me two weeks to admit that it's not you I'm worried about. It's me.

If we stay in contact, I could easily become attached to you. As more than a friend, I mean. Which would be foolish. (The previous sentence is perhaps the biggest understatement I've ever made.)

And that is why it has taken me so long to write. Not my finest couple of weeks, I am sure you will agree. I hope you can forgive me.

In the end, obviously, I have decided to contact you anyway. I really did enjoy your company, and I very much hope we can be friends. I will simply have to make sure I avoid doing anything "foolish"!

At this point the usual thing to do would be to tell you about what else has been happening in my life since London, but perhaps I should save that for now. It would be a waste to type all that stuff if it turned out I'd already frightened you off with my outpouring above.

If you would like to talk and continue our friendship, I look forward to hearing from you. If not, I will understand.

Chahna

* * *

**From:** Rockwaller, Bonnie

**To:** Patel, Chahna

**Subject:** From Bonnie

Hi Chahna

It was great to receive your email. And it was also very flattering!

Honestly, you are selling yourself short if you think that you are the only one at risk of being "foolish". If we lived in the same country, I think I'd be halfway there already (the age thing is not an issue to me).

It's funny how things work. About a week ago, I was talking to a friend about some problems she was having in her relationship, and I said something like "if there's something you need from your lover and they just can't give it to you, you shouldn't be lovers". I guess that's a relevant thought for us as well. We don't live in the same country, and that's not going to change. I guess I can't speak for you, but I know that for me personally "being in the same country " is definitely a pre-requisite for a successful relationship!

I hope it doesn't sound like I am being flippant. I really do value the time we had together - it was wonderful. And if circumstances were different, I really could see us together. But the circumstances are what they are. We can only really be friends. But being friends sounds pretty good.

Things seem to be better for the friend I gave that advice, by the way. She and her girlfriend talked, and she tells me they got a lot of stuff sorted out. Not everything, I think, but most things. It's a good start, anyway. They're having a private Christmas vacation together; just the two of them, staying up in the mountains not far from where I grew up.

(After writing that, I realized I had no idea whether or not you celebrate Christmas in India. So I did a web search. What did people do when information wasn't a couple of clicks away? Anyway, I see it's a holiday there, though as you're a Hindu maybe you don't actually celebrate it? Sorry about the rambling tangent.)

Anyway, the point of all this is that I'd love for us to be friends. I agree it's all we can be - but that doesn't make it any less a good thing.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Bonnie

* * *

**From:** Patel, Chahna

**To:** Rockwaller, Bonnie

**Subject:** Christmas

Hello Bonnie

We celebrate Christmas in my family, even though we are Hindu. We do so mostly for the benefit of my sister's kids, as an excuse for them to get presents, especially from their favorite (OK, only!) Aunt.

Do you have any plans for Christmas? You told me about your friend's plans, but not your own. I've noticed you tend not to talk about yourself unless you're asked. Maybe I need to prepare a list of questions!

I will visit my sister on Christmas morning, to give my nephew and nieces their presents. I expect my parents will also be there, and I will probably stay for lunch, then have a quiet afternoon at home. Things have been hectic since I got back, and it will be nice just to relax.

Work has been good. The trip I was on when I met you was very successful; personally even more than professionally, I must say. We have a lot of new business coming in, which is a big part of why things have been so busy.

The hectic pace is good, though. A lot of people had their doubts when my husband gave me a role in his company, and they were worried when I took over after his death. Business has been reasonably good up until now, but we should really be able to move things up a gear now. That is a huge weight off my mind, even if it does mean even more hours in the office.

I nearly went back and deleted that paragraph. I prefer not to show any kind of nerves or strain about the business. There are too many people looking for signs I'm not up to the job. But I could do with a friend; someone I can be completely honest with; and I'd like it to be you. I hope that is okay.

Chahna

* * *

**From:** Rockwaller, Bonnie

**To:** Patel, Chahna

**Subject:** Honesty

Hi Chahna

Complete honesty, huh? You know, I've spent a lot of my life pretending to be things I'm not. "Straight" being just the most obvious one. I'm not sure this honesty thing is such a great idea. But we'll try it.

It's good to hear your business is going well. Glad you had a great trip – I know I did!

You asked about my plans for Christmas. My parents expect my sisters and me to visit them for the holiday. It's not something I'm looking forward to. Honesty policy aside, I don't really want to go into all the messy details, if that's okay. Let's just say that I was my dad's last chance for a Donnie Jr, but I blew it by having the wrong plumbing.

Enough whining.

Work-wise, we're getting close to wrapping up for the Christmas break. The kids are all stressing about taking finals and writing papers. The faculty are all stressing about grading those finals and papers. Same old, same old. I've had a good bunch of kids this year, though. That always makes the job more fun.

In other news - and I can't believe I didn't put this in my last email - after you left for the airport and I met up with Andy, he told me he and Eric are getting married next year! Andy wants me to be his "best man". The exact date hasn't been set, yet, but it will be in either July or August. I'll probably go over a couple of weeks before the wedding and turn it into a real holiday. Andy's insisting on covering the flights again, though I've made him promise to only book me in economy this time. I'd imagine on the long haul flights that you have to do, business class is well worth the expense, but JFK to Heathrow is only about 5 hours.

Apparently Andy's planning on wearing white ("it's traditional for the blushing bride"). I did point out that the color was supposed to represent purity and innocence, something he lost a _long_ time ago, but he didn't seem to care :)

You said you travel to the UK every couple of months. I'll let you know the dates I'll be over there once Andy has the wedding day picked out. If it turns out you're going to be in London during that time, maybe we can catch up? The wedding itself will be in Edinburgh, but like I said, I'll be there for at least a couple of extra weeks.

I knew this honesty thing was a bad idea. Full disclosure: if we do meet, and we're both still single (I'm sure I will be – hard to find a girlfriend when you're not "out"!), then "just friends" or not, I'm going to want to get you into bed. If that's a problem, let me know so I can plan a regimen of cold showers while we're around each other!

Hope you're well.

Bonnie

* * *

**From:** Patel, Chahna

**To:** Rockwaller, Bonnie

**Subject:** Travel Plans

Hi Bonnie

There is a good chance I will be in the UK at some point in July or August. If our travel plans match up, I would love to see you. That will be true even if you are no longer single. You are young, and still have plenty of time to come out, if you decide to do so. Once you do, it will only be a matter of time before some lucky woman snaps you up!

In the unlikely event that you are still single, however, cold showers will _not_ be required. But I think maybe you already knew that. We just have to be careful not to be "foolish".

I am sorry to hear your relationship with your family is so strained. I am lucky to be on good terms with both my own family, and also with my husband's family. I doubt the latter relationships would survive if I came out as a lesbian, however. As far as the "honesty" policy goes, I would say there is no requirement to disclose every detail, as long as we are open about the fact that there are some things we are not ready to discuss.

I do hope that - if we do see each other - you might be willing to discuss it then. Even if they wanted a son, I do not understand how your parents could not treasure a daughter such as yourself. I assume there is no way you could just cancel the trip and not see them?

Chahna

* * *

**From:** Rockwaller, Bonnie

**To:** Patel, Chahna

**Subject:** Re: Travel Plans

Hi Chahna

My parents pay for my flights home at Christmas. I pretty much can't refuse to visit them then without cutting off all contact, and I don't want to do that. However uncomfortable I find the experience, they are still my family. I'll just try to make the best of things and avoid any fights.

Thank you for understanding that I am not ready to go into details about my parents. If I can, I will tell you about it when we meet.

Great news about UK next year. Fingers crossed that our travel plans will overlap. After all, you still owe me a striptease! :)

Sorry for the short email; really busy getting all my grading done. Will write more once it's all done.

Bonnie

* * *

**From:** Patel, Chahna

**To:** Rockwaller, Bonnie

**Subject:** Re: Re: Travel Plans

Hi Bonnie,

I understand about the short email. It is a very busy time of year.

I see you are not going to forget about my striptease comment. I guess I can live with the consequences!

I will send a proper email after Christmas is over, but I didn't want to wait to send you this news: I'll be in Las Vegas in late January next year. There's a big conference I'm attending there. It runs from the 24th to the 27th. The itinerary is pretty packed, but do have the evenings of the 25th and 26th to myself.

I'm probably taking a lot for granted in asking this (and it may also be "foolish") but is there any chance you could make it out there to see me?

Chahna

* * *

**From:** Rockwaller, Bonnie

**To:** Patel, Chahna

**Subject:** Vegas!

Chahna

If it's foolish, then we're both fools.

I'll book tickets tonight.

Have a great Christmas. Thanks to your news, mine just got a whole lot better!

Bonnie

* * *

**Author's Note: **Something a little structurally different this chapter, as mentioned in my last author's notes.

This time next week I will be in an airplane en route to Sydney, but the plan is to release chapter 23 before I depart. I think you'll find it interesting :)


	23. Sorority Hazing

Bonnie paid the driver and climbed out of the taxi. Obviously pleased with his tip, the man hopped out of the vehicle to help get her bag from the trunk. As he drove off, she turned to look up at the unfriendly edifice that was the Rockwaller home.

The building, designed to be imposing rather than welcoming, stood atop a low rise. _So we can look down on the neighbors literally as well as metaphorically. _Three stories tall, it had been built to her father's personal specifications, from the snarling marble lions that flanked the driveway to the extravagant mahogany front doors, a matched pair that each stood ten feet high and five feet wide. The doors were opened only when her parents were hosting a party of some kind, in which case they were thrown wide, so that anyway coming up the hill would be treated to a long view of the opulent maroon and mahogany hallway within.

There would be no audience to _ooh _and _ahh_ today, so Bonnie trudged around to the side entrance, where a pair of rental cars were parked beside the garage. She rang the bell - her parents always kept the door locked - and waited. Finally, the door opened.

"Oh look, the schoolmarm has joined us."

"Hi Connie." The brunette didn't react to her sister's comment. It was obviously intended as a taunt, but she wasn't ashamed of the work she did. _And maybe, just maybe, a civil approach will lead to a civil response_. "Merry Christmas. Is David here too?" David was Connie's husband. Her second, in fact.

Her middle sister's eyes narrowed, and Bonnie's heart sank. "I left him."

"Oh. I didn't know." _Not that Connie will believe that_. "I'm sorry it didn't work out." This was also true, though just as likely to be met with disbelief. Bonnie had only met David once, other than the wedding, but he'd seemed like a good man, who genuinely cared for Connie.

"I'm better off without him." Connie took a drink from the glass she was holding, then stepped forward so their faces were close together. Bonnie could smell the alcohol on her older sister's breath. _She may have left her husband, but some things haven't changed._ "And at least I can _get_ a man."

Bonnie laughed, surprising herself. Normally comments about her apparently single status would unsettle her. Not because she really wanted a boyfriend, of course, but because one day they might ask _why_ she didn't have one. _I may not be ready to come out, but I __**am**__ tired of being scared. _"I have all the male attention in my life that I want, right now." She glanced back over her shoulder at the two rental cars. "Lonnie's here too, I take it?"

"Yeah." Connie made a face and drank again. "Don't expect to see much of her. She's in her room, talking to 'her people in Hollywood'."

Which just went to show that while Connie might have been an academic prodigy, Lonnie was cleverer about some things. Work came before family in the Rockwaller house. Their eldest daughter's career might so far have been limited - with one exception that Bonnie was sure her parents didn't know about - to TV pilots that never got picked up and micro-budget movies that nobody saw, but acting was at least _potentially_ glamorous and lucrative. Bonnie's teaching job was neither of these things.

"Why don't you go up to your room for a while?" Bonnie suggested. "I'm sure mom and dad are going to give me the welcome home interrogation, so you can have some time to yourself."

For a second, Connie looked tempted. Then her face hardened into suspicion. "So you can play the only dutiful daughter? I don't think so."

Bonnie shrugged. She'd tried.

* * *

"Bonnie!" Her mother greeted her with the glassy smile she'd come to know too well over the past twenty-four years. Like Connie, Yvonne Rockwaller held a glass in her hand. Probably a martini, in her case. _Half-empty. I wonder how many times she's filled it, today?_ "Oh honey it's good to see you!"

The brunette endured her mother's overly-enthusiastic hug, feeling first gratitude that no-one outside the family had ever guessed the reason for her mother's excessive ebullience and emotionality, and then guilt over that gratitude.

"Bonita." Her father's greeting, on the other hand, showed no emotion at all. He did not rise from his chair. "I trust your flight was pleasant."

"It was, father. Thank you for buying the tickets." She resisted a sudden, wild urge to bob a curtsey, like some supplicant brought before the king. Her father would not be amused by such flippancy; assuming he recognized that it was flippant.

"You really should get a job closer to home, Bonnie." Her mother fluttered, her drink momentarily forgotten. "Then we could see you more often."

Bonnie shrugged. "I'd need a lot more experience and credentials to secure a job at the Upperton Conservatory." She noted truthfully. "But maybe the community college -"

"Oh!" Yvonne Rockwaller blanched at the idea of her daughter teaching in such an establishment, as Bonnie had known she would. The youngest Rockwaller decided to let her mother off the hook.

"UAH is a good school, mom. I'm happy there."

Connie offered an insincere smile. "Bonnie tells me she's getting all the male attention she can _handle _down in Alabama. Maybe that's why she's so keen to stay there."

_Damn it_. There wasn't anything you could say in this family that wouldn't come back to bite you. "I said I have all the attention I _want_. That's not the same thing."

"Oh! Have you met someone?" Their mother seized on the idea. Despite Connie's second divorce being on the horizon, and the coldness of her own marriage, Yvonne Rockwaller somehow maintained a romantic streak. _Maybe it's how she copes. _A glance at the glass in her mother's hand reminded Bonnie of another coping mechanism.

"There was someone I was interested in for a while, but ... another woman got there first." Bonnie neglected to mention the gender of the person she'd been interested in.

"Missed out again, sister dear?" Connie smirked as she poured herself another drink.

"I guess so." Bonnie swallowed her angry retort, and her pride. _I won't stoop to her level._ The thought didn't make her feel much better. Maybe she could try changing the subject. "So what are the plans for tonight and tomorrow?"

"Your mother and I are attending the Mayor's Christmas function this evening." Her father answered. "You girls will have the house to yourselves for a few hours." If he saw any irony in demanding that his daughters return home for the holiday, only to leave them, he did not show it. "When we get back, we will of course all attend Midnight Mass."

"Of course." Not that they'd attended the previous year, but clearly her father's love-hate relationship with the Catholic church was in one of its 'love' phases. _We have always been at war with Eastasia._

"In the morning we'll open the presents." Her mother gave Bonnie one of her brightest, most brittle smiles. "Then have a lovely family lunch. Cook's prepared everything, and left instructions. We just have to put it in the oven and it will be perfect."

Her father snorted. "I don't see why the woman couldn't come in and cook it herself."

"It's Christmas Day, Donnie." Yvonne protested mildly.

"It's her _job_."

"I'll handle the cooking." Bonnie volunteered. She didn't trust her mother to do it, even if she were sober, and neither Connie nor Lonnie had ever been interested in anything that smacked of domesticity. _And if it means I'll be left alone in the kitchen for a few hours, that won't hurt either._

* * *

"I can't believe you didn't tell Cook about my dietary requirements." Lonnie complained about the meal as soon as Bonnie finished putting it on the table the next day. She pointed accusingly. "An actor simply can't afford so many carbs in her diet."

"That's a baked ham, Lonnie." Connie rolled her eyes. "It's full of protein, not carbs."

"Oh, well I'm sure the famous _scientist_ knows best." The eldest Rockwaller daughter gave a tight, malicious smile. "How _is_ your research going, sister dearest?"

The middle sibling stabbed a knife into her bread roll with sudden anger. "I ... decided to seek new opportunities elsewhere."

Lonnie nodded. "Like you periodically decide to seek new husbands?" Her tone was light and bantering, but her smile was cruel.

"And who are you dating, Lonnie?" Connie's eyes glinted a warning. "One of the 'Oh Boyz', isn't it? Remind me which one. From a certain angle they all look alike."

The blonde's smirk slipped slightly at the question. Bonnie, who had been doing her best to ignore the sniping, fumbled the plates she was carrying and only stopped them from falling with a desperate grab. _I hope our parents don't ask about __**that**__ comment. _The noise drew her sisters' attention.

"At least I _have_ a boyfriend." Her eldest sister's smile was firmly back in place. "I hear poor Bon-Bon is still all alone."

"Apparently there was a guy she wanted, but she let someone else steal him from her." By unspoken accord, Connie joined the attack. It had always been like this. When the barbs between her older siblings grew too pointed, they'd both turn on her instead.

"I don't know why you broke up with that nice British boy." Her mother joined the critique, though in her case it was prompted by mere cluelessness, not malice.

"Yes." Her father took a rare interest in the conversation, and pointed at her with his fork. "Andrew, wasn't it? He would have been a fine match. Whatever happened to him?"

"He got engaged recently." Bonnie hoped that would put an end to the topic. She wasn't that lucky.

"Another one who wriggled off your hook, Bon-bon?" Connie chortled, then downed a gulp of her Bloody Mary. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"It's not anyone you'd know."

"Surely you can give us a name, at least?" Lonnie raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Even _you_ would did think to ask that, right?"

The youngest Rockwaller very nearly made something up, but she was fed up with the attitude from her sisters, and tired of the conversation.

"Eric." _**That**__ ought to shut them up._

"Erica?" Apparently her father was being obtuse.

Bonnie sighed. She probably ought to just say yes, and hope the subject was dropped, but she couldn't. "_Eric_. Andy's gay."

"You turned your boyfriend into a faggot?" Lonnie was all class. Connie gave a bray of laughter.

"He was gay before I met him." Bonnie did her best to rein in her anger. "I was his beard." Which she had been, though for some time she hadn't realized that fact.

"You _knew_ he was a homosexual?" Their father seemed to finally have come to grips with what she was saying.

_Not initially._ But she didn't feel like going into long explanations. Particularly ones that made her look clueless. "Yes."

"And you continued to associate with him?" Her father did not wait for the self-evident answer. Instead, he did what he always did: barked orders. "You are not to have any further contact with that ... person."

Bonnie was willing to sacrifice her own pride to avoid a fight with her family. _But I will not betray my friends_. "I've already agreed to attend the wedding."

Her father simply stared at her, eyes hard. Clearly he had little interest in whatever promises she had made.

_I will not back down on this. _"Andy is my friend. I will be there when he gets married." The former cheerleader kept her voice level, but firm. Still, it couldn't hurt to try a little conciliation. "I'm sorry if that upsets you."

"Upsets me? It _disgusts_ me." Donato Rockwaller growled. The skin of his neck was turning a dusky red; a sure sign he was angry. "I never expected one of my own children to associate with someone like _that_."

"Someone like _what_, exactly?" Bonnie heard the edge in her voice, but she wouldn't stand by and hear her friends denigrated.

"A deviant."

"Being gay does _not_ make you a deviant." Bonnie just barely kept the response from being a snarl, her temper rising as fast as the flush in her father's neck.

"It is a sin against God." Her father folded his arms, the way he always did when he was making one of his 'my way or the highway' pronouncements. "That boy and all of his kind - gays, lesbians, all those perverts - will burn in Hell for his depravity."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I like the heat."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oh my.


	24. Expelled

There was a long beat of silence, and then Bonnie's father scowled. "That's not funny, young lady." He snapped. "I want you to apologize for making a joke in such poor taste."

Bonnie stared at him, nonplussed. _He thinks I was joking? _When she'd spoken, she had done so deliberately, knowing the consequences, but too angry to care. And yet, it seemed that the option remained for her to step back from what she had done. For a moment, she felt the pull of temptation. It was the perfect escape: all she had to do was apologize for her 'joke', and what she'd said would be forgotten. _How can he be that deluded?_

And then suddenly, realization struck her with almost physical force. _He __**wants**__ me to lie to them_. Whether they knew it or not; probably not, at least at a conscious level; her family were willing accomplices to the lie she'd been living. _As long as I pretend to be straight, they'll pretend to believe it_. It was a strange feeling, to understand after all this time that she the secret she had been desperate to hide from her family was one they were desperate not to learn.

Stranger still, however, was the realization that came after it. _I'm done hiding_. The burden of living a lie; no matter how her family colluded to maintain it; was something she was no longer willing to bear. And so Bonnie forced down her fear, lifted her head, and – her quiet voice sounding loud in the tense silence – spoke the words that, finally, would end the deception forever.

"It's not a joke. I'm a lesbian."

"Holy shit." That was Connie.

"You're a _dyke_?" And Lonnie.

"Consuela! Alondra! I will _not_ have such language at the table!" Their father snapped. The red flush in his neck was all the way to his hairline, now. He glared at Bonnie's older siblings, both of whom muttered apologies. Then he turned his attention to his youngest daughter. "You've always been a disappointment, but I cannot believe that even _you_ would bring this much shame to our family."

"_Shame_?" Outraged, Bonnie rose to her feet. "My being _gay_ brings shame to this family? What about the thirty year-old who's working on her second divorce?"

"I'm twenty-nine!" Connie protested.

"That's not helping your cause, sister dear." The youngest Rockwaller shot back.

Donato Rockwaller waved her objection away. "Your sister has made some unfortunate choices –"

"_Unfortunate choices?_" Bonnie laughed in disbelief. "She's lost two husbands and her job because she's a freaking _alcoholic_!"

Connie, in the midst of draining her fourth Bloody Mary of the day, sputtered in shock and outrage. The watching Lonnie gave a snide laugh, then flinched as Bonnie whirled in her direction.

"As for you, little Miss Hollywood ..." the former cheerleader's voice dropped into a disdainful purr. "The only thing you've been in that more than ten people have seen is your sex tape ... and even then, it was only because they were curious to see who was desperate enough to screw a bunch of has-beens like the 'Oh Boyz'."

"_Bonita Theresa_." Her father spoke in a quiet, strained tone. Bonnie turned back to glare at him. Dimly, the part of her that wasn't shaking with rage took in his cold, dark eyes and his stony face. This was different; normally his anger came in a storm of shouting, and fists crashing on desks. The kind of tantrum that would send her mother running for a 'nice lie down' ... and an extra large martini. "You will apologize to your sisters."

Something about her father's stance warned of danger, but Bonnie was far too furious to care.

"No." She folded her arms. "I won't."

There was a moment of silent, frozen confrontation, and then Donato Rockwaller narrowed his eyes.

"You are no longer welcome in this house. From this moment on, I have only two daughters."

"Donnie!" Bonnie's mother gasped, waving a hand ineffectually.

"Quiet, Yvonne." Her father remained impassive as Bonnie stared at him in shock. Finally, his lip curled into a sneer. "Get out. If you're still here in five minutes, I'll report you to the police for trespassing."

The harsh words struck her like a physical slap, but Bonnie refused to show her pain. Silently, without a glance at her wide-eyed mother and siblings, she turned and went up to her bedroom. With tense, controlled motions, she packed her bag, dragged it down the stairs behind her, and strode out of the house, head held high.

It was only when she stepped onto the sidewalk outside the grounds that she allowed her tears to flow.

* * *

After a few minutes, Bonnie wiped her eyes. The tears had been necessary and cleansing. She still felt a hollow ache at what her father had done; what her mother and sisters had allowed him to do; but her head was clear. She didn't fool herself that her grief was over. _But I'll deal with the rest of it later._

Right now, she had to consider her situation. It was early afternoon on Christmas Day. Her flight wasn't until the next day, she'd had no lunch, and she had nowhere to stay for the night.

"Okay. I've got a few hundred bucks in my checking account." She reminded herself. "So I can get a motel room. Something cheap out near the airport, maybe." Of course, there was a risk that they were full. She should probably call ahead. Not that she knew the names or numbers of the motels, but at least one of the major chains would probably be represented.

_First things first, though: I need something to eat_. Bonnie had spent most of the morning in the kitchen, baby-sitting the meal her parent's cook had prepared. It had been quite pleasant, really. The room was warmed by the oven, and her sisters hadn't bothered her. _Probably worried I'd expect them to help if they came in_. She'd been able to keep half an eye on the food and the rest of her attention on reading over course work for the upcoming semester. Unfortunately, after an entire morning spent amidst tantalizing aromas, things had blown up at the table before she could enjoy the fruits of her labors.

Grateful for all the walking she did back home, the brunette set off toward town. She'd need to be closer to the city center to pick up a cab back to the airport. It would be a two mile hike, but she was used to doing that back home. _Of course, back in Huntsville it would be warmer._ She pulled her coat more tightly around her, and trudged on.

* * *

Bonnie had never been so grateful to see a gas station. As she didn't have a car, she rarely had need of one at home. Of course it wasn't the gas she cared about, even now: it was the small store beyond the pumps. An 'open' sign hung in the doorway. She knew that such places charged premium prices. But it was Christmas Day, so there weren't any alternatives. She'd passed a suburban mall half a mile back, but it had been completely closed up.

The brunette stamped her feet a couple of times so that she wouldn't track slush inside, then pushed open the door. The store was blessedly heated, though not as much as Bonnie herself would have chosen. A heavily-pregnant blonde woman stood behind the counter, but the former cheerleader had other things on her mind. _Even gas station coffee sounds good, right now_.

Leaving her bag next to the counter - Middleton was not a place you worried about petty thieves, just alien invaders and other would-be world conquerors - Bonnie made a beeline for the wall where the coffee pot stood. She fixed herself the largest size available, then browsed her way back down the aisle. The store had some real food on its shelves, but she had no way to prepare it. She was just about to give up and settle for a couple of bags of potato chips when she noticed a small section labeled 'Kosher Deli'. She felt a moment of gratitude for Middleton's large Jewish community.

Bonnie picked up a small, dense loaf of sliced rye bread, as well as some pastrami and kosher pickles. An apple strudel rounded out her purchases. Combined with the coffee, this was quite a bit to carry, so she trapped most of the items against her body with her right arm, and carried the coffee in her left. She paid careful attention to ensure nothing fell, and managed to make it to the counter without dropping anything or getting covered in scalding liquid.

"Just these thanks." She said, not looking up as she carefully set everything down on the counter.

"Bonnie? Bonnie Rockwaller?"

That was not the response the brunette had been expecting. She looked up, finally making eye contact with the pregnant blonde. The other woman was about her age, with wavy, shoulder-length hair and bright blue eyes.

"It _is_ you!" The blonde flashed a bright smile.

"Tara?" Bonnie flushed, feeling foolish for not previously recognizing her high school friend. "You ... cut your hair."

The blonde laughed. "Yes, though that's not usually the first thing people notice, these days." She patted her belly.

"Sorry." Bonnie apologized. "Congratulations. When are you due?"

"The end of February. Good thing it isn't a leap year." Tara offered the second sentence with the tired smile of someone who's heard the observation from a thousand other well-wishers.

The brunette returned the smile. "It's good to see you. I'm surprised you're working on Christmas Day. It used to be your favorite day of the year."

"I celebrated this morning." The blonde explained. "Eddie dropped me off at my parents' house when he came into work, then dad brought me over here so Eddie could have his lunch break. He'll be back in about twenty minutes to take over again. He's Jewish, so Christmas isn't a big deal for him."

Bonnie glanced at the blonde's left hand, picking out the rings on her wedding finger. "Eddie's your husband?"

"Yes." Tara gave a slightly misty smile. Then she shot the brunette an apologetic glance. "Sorry I didn't invite you to the wedding, but we kinda lost touch."

"That was my fault." Bonnie sighed. She'd had a petulant tantrum about being shipped off to Alabama, and as part of that she'd broken off all contact with her friends in Middleton. _And when I eventually pulled my head out of my ass I was too ashamed to re-connect._ She decided to change the subject. "How did you meet, um, Eddie?"

Tara gave her a funny look. "He was friends with Luke, don't you remember?"

Bonnie frowned. Luke was Tara's older brother, and the only Jewish friend she remembered him having was ... "Edward Goldstein? You married _Bueno Nacho Ned_?"

Tara's smile dimmed. "He's a good man, Bonnie."

_And I'm an idiot_. "I'm sorry. I was just surprised. Does he make you happy?"

"Very."

"Then that's all that matters." Bonnie said sincerely. "I'm glad for you both."

"Thank you." The blonde's expression grew cheerful once more.

A thought occurred to Bonnie. "Say - do you know what motels there are near the airport? I need to try and organize a room for the night."

"You're not staying at the big house?" Tara looked surprised. Bonnie gave a brief smile to hear their old pet name for the Rockwaller home; a reference both to the size of the property and to the way it sometimes felt like a prison.

"... no." The brunette knew that Tara would want to know why, and briefly considered what to say. Maybe she could get away without going into too much detail. "I ... had a fight with my father. He kicked me out."

"Surely if you apologized -"

"I can't, Tee." Bonnie shook her head. "This isn't something I can take back, even if I felt it was something I should apologize for. Which it isn't."

Tara looked confused. "What do you mean?"

_There's no point hiding it. I'm sure Lonnie and Connie will spread it all over town, the first chance they get_. Hopefully the truth wouldn't cost her a newly rediscovered friend.

"I ... came out to him." Irrationally worried that Tara wouldn't understand, Bonnie made it even more plain. "I'm gay."

"Oh." Tara blinked. Then she nodded. "Yeah, your father would freak about that."

"... is it a problem for you?" Bonnie asked the question tentatively. She felt guilty that her old friend's acceptance was important to her, but it was. Maybe she was still feeling a bit raw over her family's reaction. _Or maybe I've just always cared too much about what other people think of me._

The blonde shook her head. "No. No problem. Love is love, I think."

Bonnie's surge of relief was interrupted by a grumble from her stomach, reminding her of her reason for entering the store. "I should really pay you for this stuff." The brunette got out her purse. "I haven't had any lunch yet and I'm starving."

"Don't be silly!" Tara waved away the suggestion. "I don't expect you to pay."

"I want to, Tee." The brunette insisted. "You're running a business here, not a charity."

Tara nibbled on her bottom lip. "Okay. Since it's stuff from the shop, I'll let you pay ... as long as you give up on this silly motel idea and agree to stay with us tonight. We have a spare bed. It's only a single, but we'd love to have you."

"You're sure Ne- ... Eddie ... will be okay with it?" The offer was generous, and very tempting – buying return flights to Las Vegas had wiped out a large chunk of Bonnie's savings - but she didn't want to take it for granted.

"You can call him Ned, most people still do." The blonde nodded. "He's in the back. I'll ask him when he comes through from lunch, but I'm sure it will be fine. So ... was that a 'yes'?"

"Assuming Ned says it's okay, definitely. Thanks, Tara."

"You're welcome." The other woman gave a sunny smile. "Once Eddie's come through I'll drive us home and we can catch up on the last couple of years." She paused. "It's good to see you again."

Bonnie returned the smile. "You too, Tee." _Maybe this Christmas isn't going to be a complete disaster, after all_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Bonnie's trials and tribulations may not yet be over, but it seems _some_ good has come of this situation. :)

I'm not sure what caused the idea of Tara/Ned to occur to me. (And apologies if references to 'Eddie' made you think of Motor Ed).

The opening scene of this chapter was written more than two years ago. I've just waiting to get to it, ever since.


	25. Life Lesson

"You're sure?" Bonnie stared at the woman behind the counter, a sick feeling twisting in her stomach.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but yes. I've checked it twice." The woman's expression did seem genuinely apologetic. She glanced at the screen before her again and punched a few buttons. "Your return details were amended yesterday afternoon. You were re-booked onto a flight last night." She paused. "Were you aware of the change, ma'am?"

The brunette swallowed, trying not to show her emotions. She knew it was a misdirected emotion, but she felt furious with herself for not anticipating something like this. She'd assumed that since her father couldn't simply cancel the tickets on her, her flight home was secure. It had never occurred to her he would go to such expense simply to punish her defiance. _You'd think after twenty-four years, I'd know what kind of man my father is._ "Um ..." Despite everything, she couldn't bring herself to openly accuse her father. "I guess there must have been a miscommunication. I didn't realize they'd managed to change my booking for me. Can ... can I get on another flight today?"

The woman - the badge on her lapel read 'Laura' - looked apologetic. "I'm sorry, ma'am. All our flights today are full. Overbooked, really. I can put you on standby, but ... this is one of the busiest travel days of the year. To be honest your chances of getting on a flight today are almost zero."

"What ..." Bonnie paused, consciously willing the tremor out of her voice and hands. "What's the earliest flight where you can guarantee me a seat?"

Laura's fingers flew over the keyboard. "Six-forty, tomorrow evening." She named a fare that would destroy what remained of Bonnie's savings, and then put a hefty balance on her solitary credit card. "But the standby lists are a lot shorter tomorrow. You could probably get on an earlier flight for a cheaper fare. And you'd only have to pay if you get a seat."

"Okay." The brunette ran a hand through her hair. "Put me down on the standby list. Today and tomorrow." Hopefully a seat would become available. She waited while Laura recorded her details, doing her best to match the other woman's calm demeanor. Given the bedlam in Middleton Airport, Laura's composure was actually pretty impressive. Bonnie could use some of that calmness, right now.

Her standby listing complete, the brunette trundled away with her bag in tow. A quick glance around the bustling terminal showed no seating available, so she parked the bag against a wall and sat on it, then put her head in her hands. For a minute or more, she simply sat there silently, allowing the ache of betrayal to overwhelm her. Finally she straightened, pulled a tissue out of her purse to wipe her eyes, and took a few deep breaths. _That's twice my father's made me cry. He doesn't get to do it a third time._

Besides, it looked like she had a long wait in front of her, and she'd have plenty of opportunity to curse her father's name. Right now she had to get her thoughts in order. Bonnie had been expecting to be home in her apartment by the early afternoon. Now, in the best case scenario, she might get back to Huntsville late that night. Even that was only a faint hope. More likely, she'd need to spend another night in Middleton. Which meant working out where she was going to stay.

_I could call Tara and ask to spend another night with her and Ned._ But that would mean explaining why she was stuck in town. The brunette didn't want to drag out any more of her family's dirty laundry. Donato Rockwaller wouldn't care, since he doubtless believed he was justified in what he'd done, but Bonnie did. _It's stupid. He did this just to hurt me, but I still don't want to make him look bad to other people_. Stupid though it was, she'd probably end up paying for a motel room.

_To think I was in such a great mood when I got here_. The previous afternoon and evening had almost put the drama with her family out of her mind. It had been wonderful to renew her friendship with Tara. _I'd forgotten what a good person Tee is_. Of all her 'friends' in high school, Tara was the only one Bonnie believed had become so without any guile or calculation. They'd talked for hours about the high school years, and their lives since graduation. The blonde had Bonnie in stitches of laughter with the tale of her and Ned's courtship. Their first date ended with a grease fire and events seemed to only become more comically disastrous with each new encounter. _How many first kisses end in a trip to the emergency room?_ It was a wonder they'd both survived long enough to get to the altar.

But when Tara picked up Ned after work, it was obvious that the two were very happy together. Ned was much as Bonnie remembered him; a little gangly and unkempt; and obviously besotted with his wife. As for Tara ... well, she'd once had a crush on Ron Stoppable, so clearly the blonde had a taste for the goofier side of the opposite gender.

Thanks to the pleasant evening, Bonnie had been in a great mood when Tara dropped her off at the airport. She'd finally come out to her family; it had gone as badly as imagined, but at least it was done. She'd rediscovered an old friendship; Tara's contact details were now in her phone. And she'd been looking forward to dinner that night with her best friend.

_Shit. Joss_. _What do I tell her? _Bonnie dug out her phone and brought up her list of contacts. The Montanan was flying back from her vacation with Reba that afternoon. She and Bonnie had planned to have dinner that night. It was a break from their usual Wednesday schedule, but they'd had to work around Christmas Day. Now it seemed she would have to cancel.

A text message would probably be the best option. She could keep it short and vague. And it would be easier to edit out any emotion that way, as well.

"Snafu on tickets." Bonnie muttered as she typed. "Probably won't get on flight today. Rain-check on dinner?" It should do. All the necessary information, none of the unpleasant details. She took a moment to silently rage about her father's petty act of vengeance. Then she pressed send, tucked the phone into her purse, and settled down to wait for a flight.

Twenty seconds later, her phone rang.

* * *

It was Joss, of course. Bonnie stared at the blinking number for a few seconds. _Maybe I shouldn't answer_. Of course, if she didn't, Joss would almost certainly try again later. She couldn't ignore the Montanan all day.

_Okay. Time to prove who the real acting talent in the family is_. "Hey Joss." She let her frustration creep into her tone, while clamping down on the misery and disappointment. She needed to sound annoyed about the mix-up, but not so upset that Joss realized there was more to the tale.

"Hi Bonnie." The younger woman sounded concerned. "Is everything okay?"

"Except for some computer glitch making a mess of my travel plans, you mean?" The brunette managed a pretty good facsimile of a resigned chuckle. "I'm frustrated, obviously ... but I'll live. They've got me on standby for all flights today and tomorrow."

"_Tomorrow?_" The auburn-haired woman's voice rose. "They can't even be sure to get yer on a flight _today_?"

Bonnie shrugged. Joss couldn't see her, of course, but it was important to really live the role. "It's the day after Christmas. They're overbooked."

"One of those bookings should be yours!"

"Yeah, but there's not much I can do about it. And there's no point yelling at the poor woman at the counter. It's not her fault."

"I guess not." Joss sighed. There was a moment of silence. When the Montanan spoke again, it was in a decisive tone. "Okay. I want yer to go tell 'em to pull ya off the standby list. I'm going to make some calls 'n' sort out a way for ya to get home t'night."

Bonnie frowned. This was not part of the script. "You've got stuff of your own to deal with. Heck, you have a flight to catch, yourself, in a few hours. You have better things to do than worry about me -"

"No. I don't." The Montanan was emphatic. "I've got a friend in trouble. Nothin' is more important than that."

"I'm not in trouble." Bonnie objected. "I'm just -"

"Stuck halfway across the country with no way to get home." Joss summed up the situation with stark simplicity. "Sounds like trouble t'me."

"Well ..."

"Bonnie ... I may not save the world every couple months like Kim does, but I'm still a Possible." Joss's voice took on a cajoling tone. "I can't just sit by, doin' nothin'. Let me make some calls for ya."

The brunette was silent for a few moments. Digging in her heels would disappoint Joss. _And heck, maybe she will find a way to get me home. _Best to let the younger woman have her way ... within reason. "Okay. Make your calls and get back to me. I won't cancel my standby status yet, though. It's not like they're going to call me for a flight in the next hour, anyway. And don't put yourself to too much trouble."

"I won't." Joss's response was so blithe that Bonnie immediately felt suspicious. _But I already accepted her help. I can't change my mind now_. She could, however, clarify her conditions.

"Just make sure Reba agrees with you about whether it is too much trouble or not. I know what you Possibles are like. You'd walk through fire and then say 'no big'."

Joss chuckled. "This from the woman who volunteered to help me entertain twenty elementary school kids."

* * *

Roughly half an hour later, Bonnie's phone rang again.

"Hi Joss. Any luck?" The brunette kept her tone casual. _I don't want her to feel too disappointed with herself if the answer is no._

"Hey Bonnie. Yeah ... I got it sorted out."

The brunette felt a surge of elation. "You did? Wow. Thank you so much, Joss."

"Yer welcome."

"So what do I need to do?" Bonnie stood as she spoke, stretching out some stiffness in her back.

"Just sit tight. I'll be at Middleton Airport to pick ya up in about two hours."

Bonnie blinked. "What? But -"

"Before ya say anything, it's _not_ too much trouble." The Montanan preempted the brunette before she could voice her first objection. So Bonnie defaulted to her second.

"What about Reba?"

"She's takin' a taxi to the airfield here, and catchin' our scheduled flight." There was a forced nonchalance to Joss's tone that rang alarm bells in Bonnie's mind. _She's been subdued throughout this call. If I hadn't been wrapped up in my own stuff, I would have noticed that immediately._

"Did something happen with you guys?"

There was a long beat of silence.

"Can we talk about it later?" Joss asked, finally. "I'm coming down mountain roads an' I really need to concentrate."

"Okay." Reluctantly, Bonnie acceded. She tried to lighten the mood. "You do actually have a way for us to get home, right? We're not both going to be sitting here waiting on the standby list?"

The brunette's effort elicited a small chuckle from the Montanan. "As much fun as campin' out in the airport sounds, it's not somethin' we'll need to do." Joss assured her. "We'll be home by dinner time tonight. So ya can go cancel yerself off the standby list. I'll call ya again when I get close to the airport, 'kay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Joss. See you in a couple of hours." Bonnie ended the call and then stared pensively at the phone. It seemed she was not the only one having a less than merry Christmas.

* * *

"Ya sure ya brought enough for two days?" Joss stared doubtfully at Bonnie's bag, then at the small trunk of the purple vehicle she'd been driving.

"Sorry." Bonnie offered an apology, her mind elsewhere. For one thing, Joss seemed tense. For a second, the garishly-painted vehicle was familiar, but she couldn't place why. "I prefer to travel light, but it's not really possible when I'm staying with my parents ... they expect us to change for dinner. Plus I need a couple of different dressy outfits, in case they have plans for going out somewhere. It's a bit of a drama -" She broke off. _I guess it won't be something I have to worry about, anymore._

"Well, it's done with for another year." Joss observed, in a distorted echo of the brunette's thoughts. The Montanan turned her own, smaller bag on its side and then squeezed Bonnie's case in beside it. "_Just_ fits."

"We could have put it on the back seat if it didn't." Bonnie observed. A memory tickled the back of her brain. "Is this _Kim's_ old car?"

"Well, rentals sure don't come in this color." The Montanan summoned up a faint smile at her own weak quip, but it looked forced. _Probably still upset about whatever happened with her and Reba_. "Yeah. Kim and her family are down in Florida, so she said Reba and I could use the Sloth. We made arrangements for her to pick it up when she gets back."

"... speaking of Reba ... do you want to talk about what happened between you guys?" Bonnie kept her tone casual and friendly.

Joss looked torn; tempted but at the same time reluctant. Finally, she sighed. "Is it okay if I don't? At least not right now?"

"Of course." The brunette nodded. "You can tell me anything, Joss. But you never _have_ to tell me."

"Thanks." The Montanan closed the trunk, then leaned against it for a second, obviously thinking. "The same goes for you. You know that, right?"

Something about the tone of Joss's words made Bonnie feel edgy. She quashed the sudden surge of nerves and simply nodded. "Thanks."

"So ..." Joss turned, meeting her gaze. Bonnie read worry in the other woman's hazel eyes, but also determination. "... since ya know that, how 'bout ya tell me what _really_ happened with yer booking?"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Ooh, Bonnie's been caught out. But how?

I know some of you were probably expecting more detail about Bonnie's night with Tara and Ned, but B & T's reconnection isn't really central to this story. Tara will remain a presence in Bonnie's life, however, and may have a further part to play in events :)

Meanwhile, it seems that Joss and Reba are over. A recurrence of their earlier problems or something new? Time will tell!


	26. Technical Training

"What 'really happened'?" Bonnie asked weakly. "What do you mean?"

"I know it wasn't a computer glitch, Bonnie." Joss walked around the side of the car and opened the passenger door for her.

The brunette slid into the car and buckled her belt as the younger woman closed the door. She thought rapidly as the Montanan walked around to the driver's door. _I could insist that it was a computer error_. But Joss seemed sure it wasn't. Still, perhaps a delaying tactic was in order, while she tried to get her mind in order.

"How do you know it wasn't a glitch?" She asked, as Joss settled into the driver's seat.

"... well it certainly wasn't from our conversation on the phone. Yer quite the actress." The rocket scientist sounded hurt by the deception. Bonnie felt a stab of guilt. _Honesty is the best policy. One of these days I'll remember that._

"I'm sorry." The apology was heartfelt. "I just didn't want you to worry."

Joss nodded an acknowledgement as she pulled out of the parking lot. "Since I thought it was a computer issue, I called Wade ... he's Kim's webmaster, d'ya know him?"

"I know _of_ him."

"Okay. Well, he has a bit of a crush on me -"

"Doesn't he know ... ?"

"That I'm gay? Yeah, he does. But we all want something we can't have, sometimes, you know?" Joss gave a sour chuckle, as if she found something darkly amusing about her own words.

_Sounds like the theme tune for my high school years._ "Yeah, I guess."

"Anyway, it makes things a bit awkward between us, so Wade and I don't talk much, but he's always said that if I needed anything, I should just ask." The Montanan paused. "I figured I'd never take him up on it, but then ya told me about the glitch. I figured he could maybe fix the issue for ya, and get ya on your flight. But when he looked at the records ..."

"He found out that there was no glitch." Bonnie sighed and leaned her head against the window. The glass was cold from the chilly December air, though the interior of the car was slowly warming. She considered what to say. It was true that honesty was the best policy, but complete disclosure might not be. Joss and Reba were obviously having issues, and the younger woman needed a friend she could trust, rather than to hear that Bonnie had been lying to her for six months. "I told you my parents paid for the tickets, right?"

"Yeah." Joss nodded.

"My father changed the booking to a departure that left last night, so when I turned up this morning I found out I'd missed my flight. His idea of a life lesson. What he gives, he can also take away."

"What?" The Montanan glanced across at her, confusion and distress. "Why would he _do_ that?"

Bonnie chose her words with care. "We had a fight. My father doesn't like to be defied. So he gave me this little demonstration of his power over me."

Joss's opinion of Donato Rockwaller's demonstration was unprintable. "I should go up there and tell him to his face what I think of him." She seethed.

"I don't think that would help." Which was true. "The cause of the fight ... Andy's name came up in conversation, and I mentioned that he was marrying Eric. When my father found out Andy was gay, he ordered me not to attend the wedding." Which was also true, though far from the complete story. "I told him I was going, whether he liked it or not. He didn't."

"I guess he wouldn't care much for me, then."

Bonnie shook her head. "He'd tell you that you were going to burn in hell."

Joss was silent for a long time, then she shook her head. "I know Kim thought ya were a bitch on wheels in high school, but I think it's a miracle ya weren't worse. Yer dad's an asshole." She flushed. "Uh, no offense meant."

The older woman shrugged. "None taken." In truth, it did hurt to hear her father spoken of in such a way. _It makes no sense, but I still care for him_. She felt a moment of understanding for battered wives and girlfriends. Not that her father had ever struck her. His methods of abuse had been verbal, emotional and financial. But it was abuse nonetheless. And she'd accepted it for twenty-four years. Would have kept accepting it, if things hadn't happened the way they did. _Perhaps being disowned is actually a good thing._

"You're not going to put up with him doing this, are you?" Joss demanded, her tone still angry and bewildered. But then, she and her father obviously had a great relationship. This must all seem very strange to her.

Bonnie shrugged. "Not much I can do about it, now. The booking was changed, and I missed the flight."

The Montanan shook her head. "I don't mean about the flight ... I mean, yer not going to just keep yer relationship going like nothing has changed? Ya can't let him treat you like this. Ya should ..." she cast around for ideas. "... I don't know, break off contact or something."

"I doubt my father would notice if I did." Bonnie omitted to mention that the decision on breaking contact had been taken out of her hands, in any case. "I'm going to get on with my life and go to the wedding. I'm not going to let him change how I live, any more. That's what matters."

The brunette fell silent, repeating the last two sentences in her mind. She'd spent her whole life trying to be the best daughter she could, but it was never going to satisfy her father. _And that's not how I should be judging my worth, anyway. _It really was time to stop living her life for him, and live it for herself.

It was long past time to make some changes in her life. Just what those changes would be was something she was going to have to think about, long and hard, when she got home.

_Speaking of home_. "So how are we getting back to Huntsville, anyway?"

"We're going to drive up to the space center." Joss indicated and changed lanes, her eyes not leaving the road.

"And then what? Hitch a ride on a rocket?"

Joss chuckled. "Cool plan, but no. The space center has a light aircraft. I called Uncle James and asked t' borrow it."

"And he said yes?"

"Actually, he said 'I can't just authorize the private use of center property, young lady'." Joss had her uncle's diction down pat.

"I really hope you persuaded him to change his mind. Prison orange is not my color." Bonnie was pleased when her deadpan comment prompted a genuine laugh from the younger woman.

"Don't worry, Grand Theft Airplane is not on my list o' things t' do today." Joss chuckled again. "I promised to come up again next month and do some presentations for the space center staff. Apparently I'm quite the poster girl for the astro-nerd community."

"What about your job with NASA?"

The younger woman shrugged. "I sent a text to Lou and asked him for some time off to come up here. I may have to do a couple of extra Moonchkin sessions or somethin' as a sweetener, but he said 'yes'."

"Oh Joss, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble on my behalf."

"Of course I should." The Montanan snorted. "That's what friends do: look out fer each other."

"I guess." Bonnie reached across the car and gently squeezed Joss's forearm. "But I know you're dealing with stuff of your own, right now -"

"Nothing like what you're going through."

"... maybe, maybe not. I guess that depends what happened between you and Reba. Whatever that was, though ... it means a lot to me that you did all this."

"Yer welcome." There was a certain fierceness to Joss's tone. The younger woman glanced briefly at her, and Bonnie was surprised to see a sheen of tears in the hazel eyes. _I guess she's hurting more than she's letting on_. "I really mean that."

"Joss, honey ... if you need to talk about what happened with you and Reba, I'm here." Bonnie gave another gentle squeeze of the Montanan's forearm, then let go. "No pressure, though. If you don't want to, it's your choice."

"... I ... think I just need some time to process it." Joss glanced very briefly across at the brunette, then turned her eyes back to the road. "Reba and I ... we're over, and I feel like I was as much to blame as her. Maybe more. Please -" She forestalled Bonnie's instinctive interruption. "Let me finish. I just need some time to process what happened. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it's okay." Bonnie wanted to ask questions; wanted to demand an explanation; but she knew she would hurt Joss by doing so. "Whatever you need from me, you let me know, okay? I'm here for you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, or you want help trying to patch things up with Reba, I'm your woman."

Joss was silent for a long time. Then she nodded. "Thanks. It means a lot to me."

* * *

**Author's Note:** What happened with Joss and Reba's relationship? Like Bonnie, you'll have to wait to find out, though to be honest you probably won't have to wait too long. It may even be next chapter. Though it may not. I can't say for sure because I'm currently on my fourth version of the last scene in that chapter, and I'm still not happy with it.

On other topics, am I the only one who thinks "The Lying Game" is femslashtastic?


	27. Course Selection

"Thanks again fer doin' this." Joss shook hands with the Space Center's pilot.

"No problem." The middle-aged man gave a crooked smile. "To be honest, it was great to get a chance to stretch the old girl's legs a bit. Most of the time I don't get to do any more than take her up for atmospheric readings."

"Have a safe trip back." Bonnie offered, getting a nod and a 'Happy Holidays' in return before the pilot clambered back into the aircraft.

The two women walked across the tarmac of the small airfield. Joss looked subdued, hands stuck in her pockets. Finally, she spoke.

"Is it okay if we take a rain-check on dinner? I got some stuff t' think about."

"Of course." Bonnie was disappointed by the request. _But it's probably best to let her work through things in her own time._ "Do you want to do later this week, or just wait until Wednesday again?"

Joss chewed on her lip for a moment. "How 'bout Saturday night?" She gave a humorless chuckle. "I think my weekend just freed up."

"Saturday is fine." Bonnie rested a hand on the younger woman's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "My place at seven?"

"Sounds like a plan. But I'll cook, okay? Nothin' fancy, like you can do ... but I make pretty good burritos."

"Sure." Bonnie nodded. She glanced around as they reached the airfield hangar. "I guess we'd better call a taxi."

"Nah. I'll call Aimee. She'll come pick us up." Joss pulled out her cell phone.

It took Bonnie a second to remember that the Montanan was referring to her motorbike. "How's she going to get here?"

"Sure. Not much point puttin' an AI in a vehicle and then not givin' it the ability to drive itself." Hazel eyes glinted with momentary pleasure. "She aced the test when she took it."

"Your _motorbike_ has a driving license." Bonnie shook her head at the idea.

"Of course. Wouldn't be legal for her t'drive herself if she didn't."

The brunette gave an amused snort. "Now I think about it, I don't know why I'm surprised. Weirder stuff happened with Kim all the time."

* * *

Andy's response to her father's actions was as colorful as Joss's, and far less anatomically plausible. "I can't believe he did that to you, my love. Are you okay?" He paused. "I'm an idiot. Of course you aren't okay."

"I'm still a bit shell-shocked." Bonnie admitted. "But I haven't had much time to process it. I crashed into bed almost as soon as I got home last night –" In fact, the only thing she'd done before crawling under the quilt was text Tara to confirm she'd reached home okay. She'd omitted any mention of the ticket cancellation. "- and I called you as soon as I woke up this morning."

"Anything Eric and I can do to help, you let us know, okay?" Her one time boyfriend was quite insistent. "If you need cash to cover bills or hire a hitman -"

"Andy!" The brunette couldn't help but smile at the young man's outrageous comment.

"Okay, hold the hitman." Andy contrived to sound disappointed by this development. "But really, if you need anything, anything at all, let me know. When do you go back to work? I can fly you back over here if you like. Give you some space from all this."

"You don't need to do that. I'm going to be okay." Bonnie gently interrupted, smiling at her ex-boyfriend's generous offer.

"You're sure?" Andy sounded doubtful. "If you need to stay there for work reasons, I can clear my calendar and fly out to see you -"

"It's okay, Andy. Really. I won't pretend that it doesn't hurt that my father did what he did -" _And that my mother let him_. "- but it's not like we were close."

"It still has to be tough." Andy observed. "So if you need anything. Anything at all. Just tell me. I'll make it happen."

Bonnie was touched by the young man's offer. "Thank you. And ... as rough as this thing with my father has been ... it's also shown me that I have people in my life will drop everything to help me when I need them." The gratitude she felt was like a lump in her throat, and Bonnie swallowed to clear it. "That's _real_ family."

"Real family would be letting those people _do_ something, instead of just thanking them for the offer." The Englishman mock-chided.

"Sorry you don't get to be a knight in shining armor this time, honey." The brunette smiled. "But someone else already swooped in and rescued this damsel when she was in distress."

That news definitely piqued Andy's interest. "You can't say that and then stop. Spill the beans, old girl."

Bonnie filled him in on how Joss had organized the flight home, focusing only on the help the younger woman had given her, and omitting any mention of Joss's own relationship issues. Those were the Montanan's private business, and not something she felt she should discuss with anyone else.

"I'm glad to hear you have someone looking out for you who actually lives nearby, rather than in another country." Andy said at the end of her account. "She sounds like a good friend."

There was a slight emphasis on the last word, and Bonnie bit back a sigh. "That's all she is, Andy."

"Are you sure?" There was no accusation in the question, just concern.

"She has a girlfriend, Andy." It seemed that was no longer a true statement, but it seemed the easiest way to defuse the question.

"And where was that girlfriend when the lady knight was rescuing you?" Andy was not so easily dissuaded.

"I don't know." _Not exactly, anyway_. "But I know Joss wants things to work with Reba. She would be -" _Is_. "- very upset if they broke up. And even if she was on the market, she thinks I'm into guys."

"Oh please." Andy laughed at this last objection. "I don't have enough fingers to count all the hetero boys I've crushed on. And weren't you the one who spent your whole high school career mooning over a girl you thought was straight?"

"Yeah, but high school me was a dumbass." The dry comment got the laugh she expected. "And those straight boys you liked ... I bet you weren't exactly close friends with any of them."

"Well, no." Andy admitted. "I tended to worship from afar unless I got the right 'vibe' from a guy. In which case I got up close and personal, and fast."

"I really don't need the details." Bonnie reminded him, prompting another laugh. "My point is ... Joss and I are friends. If circumstances were different, we might have been more. But they aren't and we're not."

"Okay, I surrender!" Andy chuckled. He paused, then said softly. "I just don't want you to get hurt. I love you, you know."

Bonnie did. "I love you too." She told him. "I'd say you're like the brother I never had. But based on my sisters, calling you my brother would probably be an insult."

"Well if you're looking for a new family, the Havershams will be pleased to have you." Andy assured her. "Eric and I adore you, and my dad does too. I bet he'd adopt you if you asked nicely."

The brunette chuckled. "That could be awkward."

"Awkward?" Andy sounded confused.

"Well ..." Bonnie took a breath, then took the plunge. "... if your father adopted me, I'd be your sister. People might get grossed out if you got your sister pregnant."

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Andy?"

"... are you saying ... ?" The question was tentative, almost fearful. Bonnie had only heard Andy sound this uncertain once before, when he originally raised the subject.

"I am." She confirmed. "The answer is 'yes', Andy."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"You don't need to decide now, you know -"

"I know, Andy." Bonnie interrupted. "You said I could take as long as I needed. And I have. As crappy a Christmas as this was, it's shown me who my _real_ family are. They're not the people whose blood I happen to share. They're the people who will stand beside me and do anything for me. The people who will always be there for me ... and vice versa. I will be proud to have your and Eric's baby."

* * *

Bonnie had never believed the expression 'eyes as wide as saucers' was meant to be taken literally. Joss seemed not to have got that memo, given the bewildered stare she was giving the brunette.

"Ya told him 'yes'?"

"I did."

"Wow." The younger woman sat back from the table, still looking bemused. At least her expression was no longer strained, as it had been when she arrived for their agreed Saturday night dinner. It was that anxious air which had prompted Bonnie to disclose her decision. Joss obviously had something – presumably to do with Reba – weighing on her thoughts, and this subject should take her mind off it. "But ... they don't want to have a kid fer a few years yet, right?"

"That's correct. Three or maybe four years."

"Well ..." Joss spread her hands. "What if in three or four years you're datin' someone? I bet a lot of guys would object to their girlfriend carryin' another man's baby."

_Guys will not be a problem_. Though perhaps now was not the best time to make that revelation. "If I get seriously involved with anyone, I'll let them know about this well in advance. If it's a problem for them ... they're probably not right for me." Bonnie carefully kept her terms gender-neutral.

"Man, yer a tough one." Joss chuckled, taking the sting out of the words.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I'm willing to compromise on a lot of things. This isn't one of them." Bonnie paused, trying to think of an example from her past. Her romantic life didn't really offer any. "It ... it's like with my father. I put up with a lot of from him out of ... I guess out of loyalty? But when he targeted my friends, he crossed a line."

Joss grinned. "I'll keep in mind that criticizin' yer friends is off-limits. Yer like a momma coyote protectin' her cubs."

"Are you calling me a bitch?" Bonnie asked, archly. That got an outright belly laugh from the younger woman. The brunette gave her own smile in response, then continued. "Besides, I'm not the only one who cares for their friends. Both you and Andy were fighting mad about what my father did."

"Of course we were. We're yer friends."

"Yeah, I get that." _Now_. "But ... I don't have much experience having friends, Joss. Real friends, I mean. Everyone at high school tried to stay on my good side, but that's a long way from real friendship. Not that I cared at the time, but I've grown up a bit since then, thankfully."

"... so what ya said last month ... about how if you can't find common ground on an issue, the relationship won't work ..." The Montanan asked the question with a deliberately casual air, but the way her eyes dropped and slid away from Bonnie's made it clear that it was anything but casual. "This is the kind of thing ya meant?"

"Yeah, it is." Bonnie nodded. _Let's try to keep it relaxed_. She grinned. "Monogamy and a baby for Andy and Eric. Those are my 'must haves', relationship-wise."

"Mine are pretty similar. I'm right there with ya on monogamy. And ya already know I want kids."

"Did Reba want children?" Bonnie regretted the question as soon as she asked it. _I promised myself I wait for Joss to be ready to talk about it. _"Sorry. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"It's okay." Joss reached over and gently squeezed Bonnie's hand. "Ya gave me some space like I asked." The auburn-haired woman grinned. "Honestly, if I were in yer shoes, I wouldn't have been as patient." She paused, apparently collecting her thoughts. "Reba wasn't keen on the idea of having kids. She didn't outright rule it out ... but it obviously wasn't somethin' she really wanted. When I learned that, I shoulda made a decision ... either kids are a must have, or they aren't."

"From what you said before, it sounds like you've made that decision."

Joss sighed. "_Now_, yeah. But at the time ... I liked Reba, and I didn't have the courage to give up what I had with her _right then_ for what I need to have some day in the future. So I didn't make a big deal of it, and just tried t' carry on with things. Which shows that for a rocket scientist, I can be pretty dumb. If there's some huge barrier to yer relationship workin' out, you won't do yerself any favors by ignorin' it."

"Yeah, I get what you mean." Bonnie nodded.

"Of course, I didn't realize I was bein' an idiot at the time." The Montanan gave a rueful grimace. "But even if I was pretendin' nothin' was wrong, Reba knew somethin' was up. She just didn't know what. That's why she kept pushin' me about stuff - like back at Thanksgivin', I mean. She felt like I was driftin' away and she was tryin' to drag me back."

"I guess this is something else you didn't know at the time?"

"God no. It all came out at Christmas. What kicked things off isn't important." Joss's attempt at a nonchalant shrug was obviously forced, but she rushed to continue speaking, and Bonnie didn't call her on it. _Not something she wants to talk about yet, I guess._ "But Reba finally asked me why I was pullin' away, and I finally told her what the problem was." The younger woman gave a humorless chuckle. "Which floored her. When I'd mentioned kids and then dropped it immediately, she figured it wasn't a big deal to me."

"I guess, given that you broke up, that she definitely doesn't want kids?" Bonnie waited for Joss's nod before continuing. "Well, you shouldn't feel too bad about ending it, then. You were never going to work out."

"Yeah, I know." Joss sighed. "It still hurts though. I liked Reba; I really did care for her. And she cared for me. And we both made things worse than they had to be, by not talkin' about stuff. Me more than her, probably." The Montanan trailed off, fingers plucking at the table cloth, then shrugged. "The important thing now is to learn from it, right? Which means talkin' about stuff, rather than ignorin' it." She managed a shaky grin. "So have some pity for my next girlfriend; I'm going to talk the poor woman's ear off."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So are you all as shocked as Andy and Joss? :)


	28. History Lesson

The hotel room door swung open. Chahna, only her face visible around the edge of the door, gave a welcoming smile.

"Hi Bonnie. Please, come in."

The younger woman complied, then paused as she glanced around the opulently-furnished room.

"It's a very –" Bonnie began, turning back toward the Indian woman. What she saw stopped her dead in her tracks. Chahna leaned against the now closed door, her previously friendly smile turned sultry. The older woman wore only black stockings, held up by a lacy garter belt, and a thigh-length chemise so sheer that Bonnie could easily make out Chahna's nipples and the dark triangle of her pubic hair. The former cheerleader swallowed. "... wow."

"Well ..." Chahna pushed away from the door and padded slowly toward the younger woman. She stopped only a few inches from Bonnie, and slid her arms around Bonnie's neck. "... your email _did_ say you wanted to get me naked as soon as you got here. I thought I'd give you a head start."

"This is even better than naked." Bonnie murmured, meaning every word. She slid her hands under the hem of the chemise, cupping the older woman's buttocks and drawing their bodies together. Her fingers stroked around Chahna's waist, then slipped down to encounter slick heat at the juncture of the Indian woman's thighs. Bonnie raised her eyebrows. "You've been touching yourself."

Chahna blushed. "Only a little. I wanted to be –" She broke off with a gasp as the younger woman slid two fingers inside her. "... oh god. I wanted to be ready for you."

"You _are_ ready." Bonnie growled, slowly pressing the older woman backward until Chahna was pinned between her and the door. The brunette moved her fingers, drawing another soft groan from the older woman. "So, _so_ ready." She leaned in and lightly scraped her teeth along the base of Chahna's throat, smiling at the Indian woman's whimpering gasp of arousal. Bonnie spoke softly, fingers still gently moving. "I'm going to take you now, right up against this door. So you need to be quiet ... unless you want everybody walking by to know exactly what's being done to you."

Chahna's reply was inarticulate.

* * *

"Have you heard from your family at all?" Chahna asked, more than an hour later. The two women were now sprawled on the bed. Bonnie lay on her back, with Chahna curled against her side, the Indian woman's head on her shoulder.

"No. I really don't expect to." The brunette gently caressed the older woman's back with her finger tips. "My father is not the type to forgive and forget."

"What about your mother?" Chahna rolled up onto one elbow and regarded her with puzzled eyes. "Will she really just sit back and let him do this to you?"

"Probably." Bonnie said it calmly, not letting any pain into her tone. There was no point entertaining faint hopes of a sudden rebellion against her father's authority. "My mother is afraid of my father. I don't think he's ever done anything physical to her ..." She bit her lip as unpleasant memories of her father's rages flittered through her mind. "But she's not a strong person, and he's very frightening when he's angry."

"And your sisters?" Chahna clearly couldn't imagine a family that wouldn't support each other. _Just as well I didn't tell her about my father's stunt with the tickets or she might have flown over here just to yell at him_.

"Forget about them. Connie's lost her job and left her husband. And Lonnie's never made a living wage with her acting. They need my father's money, so they'll follow his line." Despite Bonnie's determinedly calm tone, the loss of her family hurt. On the other hand, it felt good to know that there were people; Chahna and Joss, Eric and Andy, Tara and Ned; who would stand by her.

"What makes a man treat his daughter this way?" Chahna shook her head. Maybe she caught a glimpse of the pain Bonnie was feeling, because she gave an apologetic smile. "Sorry. We should talk about something more pleasant."

"It's okay." The brunette lifted her head to brush their lips together. "I know you're only asking because you care."

To Bonnie's surprise, a shadow flickered briefly in the Indian woman's eyes, but then Chahna shrugged. "It was still a foolish thing to ask. I doubt anyone could explain why he'd do this to you."

"Actually ... I think I understand." Bonnie admitted. She paused as Chahna gave her an incredulous look. "Don't get me wrong, understanding is not the same as excusing. But ... he's treating me like he was treated."

"Your grandparents disowned your father?"

The brunette shook her head. "It's a bit more complicated than that. What you need to know first is that the Rockwallers are old money, back east. They've been part of the New York social set since ... well, since it was called New Amsterdam. They're the kind of family that thinks the Kennedys are just jumped up immigrants." She paused, then shrugged. "Well, that's what I've been told. I've never met any of them."

"And that has something to do with your father?"

"My grandfather, actually. During the Second World War, he served with the navy in the Pacific. He met my grandmother in the Philippines. They fell in love. After the war, his family wanted him to come home and marry a more 'appropriate' match - by which they meant a Protestant - but he refused. He converted to Catholicism and married my grandmother. They moved back to the US after that, but the other Rockwallers made it clear they weren't welcome in New York, so they settled in Middleton, instead. A few years later they had my father."

"Oh." Chahna sat up, tucking her legs under her. Bonnie took the opportunity to savor her view of the older woman's soft curves. "I would have thought ... having seen his own parents ostracized for their love ... that your father would be _more_ willing to support you, rather than less."

The brunette gave a rueful smile. "It would nice if it worked out that way, but it didn't. My grandmother died shortly after my father was born. I think from complications to do with the pregnancy, though my father never really talked about it ... he's never talked much about his childhood at all, actually. Anyway, he got a college scholarship, and became an executive at MacKenzie Financial. They were Middleton's biggest investment and accounting firm at the time."

"Not any more?"

Bonnie rolled over, resting her head on Chahna's thigh. The Indian woman lightly caressed her neck and shoulders as she continued her story. "They're part of the Donald Rockwaller Group, now." Her father always used the anglicized form of his name in his business dealings.

"Your father took over the business?"

"He married the boss's daughter." Bonnie sighed. "My father, the ... what's the male equivalent of a gold-digger?"

"Probably still a gold-digger." Chahna's hands drifted from Bonnie's shoulders to her head, and began gently massaging her scalp.

"Mmmm ... keep that up and I'll fall asleep on you."

"I guess you'd better keep talking, then." The older woman gently teased. "It'll help you stay awake."

"After he married my mother, my father used the resources of MacKenzie Financial to buy out other local businesses." The brunette suspected that her father had illegally used inside information gained from MacKenzie's accounting division to target vulnerable businesses. But she'd never mentioned those suspicions to anyone, and didn't intend to start now. "By the time he was in his mid-thirties he'd done everything he needed to found his own 'Rockwaller Dynasty'." She couldn't help the sour note in her voice as she spoke the last two words. "Well, except for one thing: an heir."

"Ah." Chahna's hands continued their slow, relaxing massage. "I suppose daughters do not meet his definition of a suitable heir?"

"No, they do not." Bonnie confirmed. "As far as he was concerned, I was his third strike." She paused as a question occurred to her. "You and your husband didn't have children, did you?"

"No. We did try, but without success." From Chahna's expression, it was clear that she was disappointed. She sighed, then summoned up a smile. "Fortunately, I have several nieces and nephews that I get to spoil."

"I can't imagine either of my sisters having kids."

"What about you?"

_I'm definitely having one. _But Chahna didn't know about her promise to Eric and Andy. _Do I want kids of my own, some day? _ Bonnie lay silently for several seconds, considering her answer. Chahna's gentle caress of her temples was relaxing, but didn't give her any more clarity over the issue. "I don't know. I'm not even sure I can get my own life under control, right now, let alone be responsible for someone else's."

"You'd be a great mother."

The brunette snorted her disbelief. "Joss says the same thing. I'm not so sure."

"Joss?"

Bonnie realized she'd never used the Montanan's name in her emails correspondence with Chahna. "The friend I mentioned in my emails ... the one was who having relationship problems? That's Joss."

Chahna nodded. "They were going away together at Christmas, correct? Did it help them sort things out?"

"The opposite; they broke up. Horrible time of year for it to happen." Bonnie flushed, feeling the comment was inane. "Not that there's a good time for it, of course." She sighed. "I hope she's okay."

"You care about her."

"She'd my best friend."

"... just a friend?" Chahna's tone was casual, but the way her eyes flickered away was not.

"Yeah." Bonnie sat up, turning to face the older woman. She took Chahna's fingers in her hand and caressed them, waiting until the other woman met her gaze. "I had a bit of a crush on her when we first met, but she doesn't think of me that way." _How could she, when she thinks I'm straight?_ Bonnie smiled, trying to lighten the sudden air of tension. "You're the only woman in my life."

A shadow flickered once more in the Indian woman's eyes. She broke eye contact, gazing sightlessly across the room for several seconds. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet, and strained.

"You do understand ... that you're not the only one in mine?"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry for this chapter not hitting the usual weekly update schedule. I work on this story on two different computers, only one of which I have access to every day, and I forgot to transfer the updated document from the 'part time' access computer to the full time access computer. So I couldn't work on it for 4 days (this also means next chapter will be delayed).

I freely confess that I've deliberately ended this chapter at a place that makes Chahna looks very bad. Are these appearances warranted? You'll find out when the next chapter comes out :)

Also, a bit of Rockwaller family background in this chapter. Hope you found it interesting.


	29. Anatomy Studies

Bonnie blinked. "You're seeing someone else?"

"No!" Chahna looked shocked. Then she sighed. "Sorry. I can see why you would think that, after what I said. I should have phrased it better."

"Maybe you should start over." The younger woman suggested. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, then rested her chin on her knees.

"That sounds like a good idea." Chahna played with the sheet for a moment as she composed her thoughts. "I am not seeing anyone else. I do not ... date. As you know, I am only open about my sexuality when I travel overseas." She waited for Bonnie's answering nod, then continued. "Even then, I am careful to not get involved with the women I meet ... I spend a couple of days getting to know someone, go to bed with them once or twice, and then never see them again."

"Never?" Bonnie raised her eyebrows.

The Indian woman gave a rueful smile. "I seem to have broken several of my own rules, when it comes to you." She frowned, plucking at the bed sheet once more. "I like you a lot, Bonnie. We would not still be in contact if I did not. If we lived in the same country... and if I was ready to be in a relationship... then you would be everything I would want in a girlfriend. But the fact of it is that neither of these things are true. I do care about you ... as a friend. And as a friend, I have to be honest with you."

"Okay." Bonnie nodded slowly. She was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"As things are, we can only have this -" Chahna gestured at the hotel room. "- a couple of nights together, once or twice a year. I ... I need more than that. Physically, I mean."

"Have ... have you been with anyone else since November?"

Chahna shook her head. "No. This is my first trip out of India, since then. But I will be in London for a week in March, and ..."

"And you'll probably spend the night with a woman." The thought made Bonnie's stomach clench.

"Yes. I am sorry. I probably should have said all this before inviting you here. But telling you over email seemed wrong." Chahna sighed, then looked up to meet the younger woman's eyes. "I will ... understand ... if you do not wish to see me any more."

Bonnie did not answer immediately. She took a deep breath as she tried to sort through what she was feeling. _It's not fair to be angry_. Chahna had never hidden her lifestyle. And it was only natural that she would want more than Bonnie could give her. _Just like I want more than she can give me_.

The brunette turned that last thought over in her mind, considering it. _I __**do**__ want more. Just not in the same sense that Chahna means._ Finally, she spoke. "A year ago, I would have been willing to accept it. But I've come through a lot in the last few months ... I'm ready for more than being just one of your lovers. I _need _to be more."

"You _are_ more."

"I know you've opened yourself up to me more than the others. Staying in contact, meeting here ..." Bonnie reached out and took the older woman's hands in her own. "... but I need more in my life than a friend with occasional benefits."

"So this is the end for our ..." Chahna searched for the right word, then gave up with a small shrug. "Our relationship?"

"I still want to be your friend." The younger woman spoke quietly. "I like you. I like your company. I want us to stay in touch. But after this weekend, I don't think we should be lovers, anymore. I think I'm ready to have an actual girlfriend –" _Never thought I'd say __**that**__ out loud. _"- and you can't be that for me."

"No." Chahna admitted, eyes downcast. "I cannot." The Indian woman started to pull away, then paused when Bonnie gently squeezed her hands to stop her. "What is it?"

"I said we couldn't be lovers _after _this weekend." Bonnie repeated her earlier statement, her voice husky.

"Oh." Chahna looked surprised. Then a warm smile curled the edges of her lips. "So you are mine for another forty-eight hours?"

"You have it the wrong way around." Bonnie released Chahna's hands and pushed her backwards, then slid forward to straddle the older woman's body. She leaned forward until their breasts touched, and gently nipped at Chahna's lower lip. "For the next forty-eight hours, _you're _mine."

* * *

Although they still had nearly two more days together, Bonnie explored Chahna's body like it was the last time she would ever touch it. Her hands and lips charted every curve and hollow of the older woman's body, building a map of extra inch of skin ... especially those which brought a gasp or moan to Chahna's lips.

Halfway through the process, Chahna reached for her. But Bonnie gently pushed the dusky hands aside. "Mine." She reminded her partner, locking eyes with the flush-cheeked woman, and waiting until she saw the answering nod.

"As long as I get a turn, later?" Chahna's voice was throaty.

"Of course." Bonnie nipped gently at the inside of the older woman's thigh, smiling when Chahna's hips gave an involuntary jerk at the touch. "If you have the energy."

Only when she'd explored every inch of the Indian woman's sleek form did Bonnie change her slow and languorous approach. _Time to go from a simmer to a boil_. She claimed Chahna's entire body; caressing and kissing every one of the 'gasp or moan' points she'd so thoroughly mapped. Within minutes, the older woman was sweat-slicked, body twitching with need. A need Bonnie had no intention of denying.

She drove Chahna swiftly to the edge; smiling against the older woman's sex as she heard the incoherent patois of Hindi and English that signaled Chahna's impending climax. The Indian woman's thighs clenched around Bonnie's ears as she granted Chahna that climax, which muffled the words but not their meaning.

In the past, once she'd given Chahna her pleasure, Bonnie had slid up the older woman's body to cuddle and kiss. This time, she stayed exactly where she was, lips and tongue still moving on Chahna's core. The change of strategy brought a low, guttural moan from the Indian woman; then a half-muffled shout as Bonnie added her fingers to the ministrations of her mouth.

Second, third and fourth climaxes ripped through Chahna's body, the Indian woman writhing and thrashing as she surrendered to Bonnie's onslaught. Only when the younger brunette made as if to start on a fifth ascent did Chahna reach down and gently press on her shoulders.

"Enough, baby. I can't take any more."

Bonnie reluctantly pulled away, then crawled up Chahna's body until they were face to face. She savored the older woman's flushed cheeks, darkened eyes and sweaty hairline. "You look like you had a good time."

Chahna gave a throaty chuckle, then reached up with one hand to gently caress Bonnie's cheek. "You are golden and glowing. Like a goddess." Her lips curled into a wry smile. "Kali, perhaps."

"The goddess of death?" Bonnie raised her eyebrows. "Not a comparison I expected."

"The French do call an orgasm 'the little death'." Chahna tilted her head up to brush her lips against Bonnie's. "So you are definitely my little Kali."

"I guess I can live with that." The younger woman smiled.

Chahna smiled in return, but then it faded into a small frown of dismay. "Is it alright if we take a break before I return your many favors? I am exhausted."

"Honestly, I need a break, too." Bonnie lay down beside the older woman, then drew Chahna to her, letting their foreheads touch and their legs entwine. "I'm sure the people next door will be glad of a break in the action, too."

Chahna blushed, her dusky skin turning even darker. Then a spark of amusement appeared in her eyes. "On the plus side, you won't have to introduce yourself to anyone in the hotel, this weekend."

"I won't?" Bonnie raised her eyebrows once more. "Why, are you planning to keep me chained to the bed?"

Chahna laughed. "I think it is more likely _you_ that would chain _me_." She shook her head. "But no. That is not what I meant. You will not have to introduce yourself, because I am sure we just made everyone well aware of your name."

* * *

Bonnie's eyes blinked open. Chahna, eyes closed and breathing softly, still lay in her arms. _I guess we fell asleep_.

Trying not to disturb the other woman, Bonnie extricated herself from the tangle and arms and legs ... and other, even more enticing body parts. She took a moment to savor Chahna's sleek form. The soft brown skin was mottled in a few places by the marks of their earlier passion. Nowhere that would be visible in a skirt suit, though. Bonnie had kept that much self-control.

She twisted, turning her attention to the clock beside the bed.

"What time is it?" A sleep-groggy voice asked.

"Eleven-oh-eight." Bonnie turned back to Chahna. The Indian woman sat up, knuckling at her eyes and stifling a yawn. She had pronounced bed hair. Of course, Bonnie probably did too. "I guess I wore you out."

"You fell asleep first." Chahna protested mildly, leaning forward to brush their lips together. "I decided not want to wake you, and I dozed off." She stretched, which was very distracting, then rubbed her fingers on her belly. "I need to eat. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, though not just for food." Bonnie enjoyed the smile her comment provoked. "But we should probably refuel first. I guess at this time of night our only option is room service?"

"This is Las Vegas." Chahna reminded her.

"Oh, yeah." The younger woman felt a flush of embarrassment. "I guess we have lots of options then."

Chahna shrugged. "We do. But honestly ... room service sounds perfect. We'd both need a shower before we could go out, for a start." She walked naked across the room and picked up the hotel's information book, flipping through until she found the room service menu.

"Do they do omelet?" Bonnie lay back on the bed and enjoyed the view.

"They do. Swiss cheese and mushroom. Want to split one?"

"Get two. You're going to need to energy."

* * *

"How do I look?" Chahna smoothed down her jacket. She was wearing a fitted, charcoal-grey skirt suit over a white shirt. Black heels and stockings accentuated her long legs.

"Too good to let walk out the door." Bonnie languorously stretched her still-naked body, enjoying the hungry look that immediately came to Chahna's eyes.

"I could be wearing a sack and you'd think that."

"True." Bonnie acknowledged. "You look great. Like a successful businesswoman who got a lot more than four hours sleep last night."

"Four including the hour we dozed before ordering room service." Chahna groaned. "And now I have to listen to a two hour presentation on marketing. I am not sure I can stay awake."

"It's the last day of the convention." Bonnie grinned. "Half the people are probably hung over, if they even turn up. Just try not to drool or snore, and no-one will care if you're awake or not."

"It's easy for you to laugh." Chahna stalked over to the bed and gave Bonnie's stomach a gentle poke. "You're going to hang up the 'Do Not Disturb' sign and go straight back to bed."

"Damn right I am." Bonnie caught the hand that poked her and gently pressed a kiss to the offending fingers. "And when I wake up, you'll be here in bed with me. Half-naked."

Chahna looked intrigued. "Only half?"

"Yeah." Bonnie ran her fingers up Chahna's leg. "Keep the stockings on."

* * *

When Bonnie awoke, it was to find Chahna stretched out alongside her. The Indian woman had fulfilled her request; a consideration for which Bonnie amply demonstrated her appreciation.

Afterward, they lay pressed against each other, Chahna's stocking-clad leg thrown over Bonnie's hip.

"What are you thinking about?" The Indian woman asked softly.

"How did you know I was thinking?"

"You had a little crease, here." Chahna lightly brushed her hand over the top of Bonnie's nose. "That means you are plotting something."

Bonnie gave a slightly guilty grin. "Plotting? Me?" She paused, then shrugged. "I was just thinking about what we're going to do with the rest of our time together."

"Already?" Chahna smiled and caressed the top of her thigh. "I thought you would still be sated from the last time."

"I won't be, if you keep touching me there." Bonnie warned, with a soft laugh. "... but as much as I enjoy ... _that_ ... it's the only thing we've really ever done together."

Chahna looked uncertain. "There is something else you would rather do?"

"I ... I'd like us to go on a date."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Believe it or not, Bonnie hasn't lost her mind. But exactly what she's thinking will have to wait until next chapter :)


	30. Timetable Clashes

Bonnie dropped into a chair with a sigh of relief, then took a long sip from her overpriced airport coffee. A glance at the nearby signboard showed that they'd be calling her flight to Atlanta in about thirty minutes. Hopefully the caffeine would help her fight off sleep until she made it back to Huntsville. _I don't want to doze on the plane, and then not be able to sleep tonight_.

A yawn welled up, apparently not quelled by the coffee. Bonnie stifled it with her fist, then rubbed at her eyes. _Maybe checking email will help me stay awake_. She fished her phone from her bag and went through the inboxes of both her personal accounts. The address she used when registering for websites had its usual collection of daily specials, weekly updates, and 'important' announcements. Bonnie deleted most of them out of hand, reading only a couple. The address she used with friends had only two messages.

The first email was from Andy. As expected, it contained effusive wishes for a fabulous weekend, and a sly suggestion as to the best brand of anti-chafing cream, should it be required. Bonnie rolled her eyes.

"Weekend was wonderful." She muttered as she typed her response. "And you're a dirty old man. Which at the tender age of 26 must be some kind of record."

The second email was from Tara. Bonnie was just about to open it when her phone rang.

"Hey Joss." The brunette smiled. "What's up?"

"Hey." From the slightly breathy quality of the Montanan's voice, she was walking as she talked. "I just got back from Middleton. Thought I'd give you a call and see if you wanted ta do dinner t'night, since we missed our usual Wednesday get together."

Bonnie paused, biting her lip. She hadn't mentioned her trip to Joss, not wanting to face the questions that would follow. _But that was before I decided I was done with hiding_. "I'd love to get dinner, but I'm not actually in town, right now. I'm ... I'm in Las Vegas."

"Vegas?" Joss's surprised was evident. "I didn't know ya were the gamblin' type."

"I'm not."

"Huh." Joss digested this for a moment. "Ya didn't get married, did ya?"

"What?" Bonnie blinked. "Why would you ask _that_?"

The Montanan chuckled. "Gamblin' and quickie weddings ... ain't they pretty much the only two reasons to go to Vegas?"

"I'm sure there must be others." The brunette said blithely. "They have that 'Space Passages' thing here, don't they?"

"If ya were one of the NASA guys, I'd buy that as yer reason." Joss admitted. Then her tone turned speculative. "But since ya ain't ... I'd say that there's another explanation. Ya gonna share with the class, teacher lady?"

"Now, Joss. You know the rule: what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

To Bonnie's pleasure, that comment got another chuckle. "Now I _know_ ya had a better reason t' be there than 'Space Passages'."

"I did indeed." The brunette smiled as memories of the weekend whirled through her head. "But I don't intend to share them while sitting in the middle of the airport."

"I guess that makes sense." Joss allowed. "Do ya need a ride home from the airport tonight? I'd be happy t' pick ya up."

Bonnie laughed. "I don't get in until late, so it's probably best if I just take a taxi. Plus if you pick me up I suspect you'll interrogate me in the car on the way home."

"The thought never crossed my mind." Joss did not make even a token effort at sincerity. Then she continued in a more serious tone. "Ya know ya don't have to tell me anythin' if ya don't want to, right?"

"It's okay, I do want to tell you. Wednesday night, at dinner. I'll make lasagna."

"Lasagna." The Montanan gave a soft moan. "Beauty, brains and ya can cook, too. If only you were gay, ya'd be the perfect woman."

Bonnie managed an uneasy chuckle. "It's easy to see why women fall for that Montanan charm."

"Oh yeah, I'm _so_ smooth." Joss laugh. "Listen, I just gotta sign off – no cell phones while drivin'. Drop me a message when you get home so I know you made it back safe, okay?"

"Okay." Bonnie smiled at the request, then said her goodbyes and ended the call. After hanging up, she stared pensively at the phone's blank screen. Hopefully Joss wouldn't be too upset when she learned that Bonnie met her criteria for 'perfection', after all.

_Of course, she probably couldn't be any more freaked out than Chahna was when I suggested our 'date'._

* * *

"Relax." Bonnie had not been able to resist chuckling at Chahna's stricken expression. She laid her hand on top of Chahna's. "I'm not saying I want a relationship."

"Oh." The Indian woman's look of alarm faded to mere uncertainty. "Then I do not understand what it is you are suggesting."

Bonnie took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I've always hidden my sexuality. I knew my family would never accept it. I knew that people would judge me for it. _How_ I've hidden it has changed over time; but the fact that I was hiding never has." She paused. "I don't want to hide any more. But ... do I have the courage to stop? Can I walk down the street, holding another woman's hand, and not spend all my time worrying about what people will say? Can I take a woman to dinner, and not spend the entire meal wondering if our waiter's a homophobe who spat in the food?"

Chahna gave a half-smile. "So I am to be a trial run, is that it?"

"That's not a bad way to put it." Bonnie admitted, with a soft laugh. "I'd like to know I can cope with the consequences, before I ask someone for a date. At least with you, if I have a panic attack and ruin the evening, I know I can make up for it later with some great sex."

That prompted a laugh from Chahna, as well. "I hope the offer of great sex still applies if the date does well."

"That's certainly a promise I don't mind making." Bonnie smiled.

"You realize that holding hands with me in Las Vegas, and doing it in your own home town, are very different things. Feeling the judgment of strangers, and of neighbors ... it is not the same." Chahna's observation was more statement than question, but Bonnie still gave it an answering nod.

"I know it's much less intense ... if it wasn't, I wouldn't have asked you to do this for me. That wouldn't have been fair. But I have to start somewhere, and this might help me prepare for the real thing." Bonnie paused as a thought occurred to her. "Does this mean you'll do it?"

Chahna nodded. "I will."

* * *

Bonnie smiled as she remembered the evening that followed. Chahna had purchased tickets for a show, then they'd walked along the strip, holding hands while they watched the various shows and displays outside the casinos. At first, Bonnie had been acutely aware of everyone who took a second look at them, each instance giving her a small flutter of nervousness. But each time she'd been less worried than the time before, and eventually she'd stopped even noticing. For the final show, she'd stood with Chahna leaning back against her, her hands clasped over the Indian woman's stomach. She'd even found the courage to nuzzle Chahna's neck, a couple of times.

Dinner had followed, relaxed and intimate. Bonnie had insisted on paying for that, since Chahna had got the tickets. Her checkbook wouldn't thank her for the decision, but she had her pride.

Then they'd gone to the show. The brunette colored slightly at the memory. When Chahna had suggested some options, Bonnie's only criteria had been 'something with dancing'. Chahna had delivered on that: there had been lots of dancing. Very good dancing, in fact. What there _hadn't_ been lots of, was clothing.

Bonnie knew that topless – or even more revealing – shows were common in Las Vegas. It just hadn't occurred to her that Chahna would get tickets to one.

"I can't believe you did this." She'd hissed into the other woman's ear. Chahna had simply chuckled.

"Are you saying you do not appreciate the female form?"

"I do." Bonnie admitted. Certainly these women – a few silicone enhancements aside – had fantastic bodies. "I just find it hard to appreciate them and the dancing, at the same time."

"Just pick one or the other."

"Oh? And which have _you_ picked."

"The dancing, definitely." Chahna's dark eyes had been warm as they raked over Bonnie. "These women are attractive, but the woman I am going home with is much more beautiful."

"Flatterer."

"Absolutely. Is it working?"

"You'll find out later."

* * *

The boarding announcement for her flight interrupted Bonnie's pleasant recollections. The journey home – flying first to Atlanta, then to Huntsville in a small turbo-prop – passed reasonably quickly, as Bonnie buried herself in work. All her class preparation had been ready for weeks, of course, but there were always notes to be made for her aides, or student documents to be addressed.

Once home, she finally opened and read Tara's email. It was full of warm chatter about life in Middleton: old high school friends (well, acquaintances), the latest adventures of Kim and Shego (though of course she'd already been up to date with those), and an update on Tara's pregnancy. Bonnie looked over the attached ultrasound images, and managed to recognize some of the body parts Tara mentioned. The thought that she herself would be going through this process in a few years suddenly struck her, and she seriously considered going to bed right then and there.

Instead, she read to the end of the email, then hit reply.

"Hi, T." She muttered to herself as she typed. "Just a quick note because it's late and I need to go to bed. I know you're keen to hear all about Vegas. It was a great trip. Don't worry – I'll give you all the details later this week. Thanks for inviting me to come up and see you guys after the baby is born. How does late April sound? We have a state holiday here then, so I can get a long weekend, and it will give you a couple of months to adjust to the newcomer. Love, B."

* * *

Twelve hours later, Bonnie sat in her office, nursing a green tea and typing production notes for a dance recital into her computer. She glanced up as the office door swung open and Lorraine slipped inside. There was a furtiveness to the older woman's movements that made Bonnie feel instantly wary. _Man trouble, again? No, that means tears and histrionics, not ... whatever this is._

"Good morning." The greeting was mundane enough, but Lorraine's strained, almost formal tone, and her stiff posture merely served to escalate the brunette's disquiet.

"Hi Lorraine." Doing her best to look relaxed, Bonnie set down her tea. "How was your weekend?"

"I think you need to read this." Rather than answer the question, the older woman thrust a pamphlet at her. "I did warn you about that Possible woman, but you wouldn't listen. Still; it's not too late for you."

"'Finding the True Path'?" The former cheerleader looked blankly at the sheet for a moment, until her confused gaze fell on the image of a smiling, happy man and woman holding each other's hands. A horrible weight pressed down on her chest. "What's this about, Lorraine?" The words came out inexorably, even though Bonnie suspected she already knew.

"My boyfriend, Frank ..." _So there is a new man in the picture_. The incongruous thought floated into Bonnie's disordered mind. "Frank took me to Vegas for the weekend. I saw you. You and that ... other woman. You were ..." Lorraine brushed at the side of her neck.

"Lorraine –"

"Don't try to tell me it's not what I thought it was!" The older woman's face was white and pinched. "I know what I saw!"

"I wasn't going to deny it." Bonnie said, surprised by how calm she sounded, even as her inner monologue descended into an endless loop of _oh shit oh shit oh shit_. This certainly wasn't how she'd planned on coming out. "Wait ... what does Joss have to do with this?"

Lorraine snorted. "I'm sure she's behind this! You were a perfectly nice young lady, and then for some reason you started associating with that ... that _person_ ... and now you're cavorting with other women! In public!"

"It was hardly 'cavorting'." Bonnie took a deep breath to calm herself, then slowly and deliberately crumpled up the pamphlet and threw it in the trash. "And Joss bears no responsibility for my sexuality. I was gay long before I met her. So if you have a problem with me, then keep it with me. Not her."

This brought another snort of derision. "I can see she's got you so turned around you don't even realize what she's done. Well, I'm not fooled. She's the cause of all this, and I've already told her exactly what I think about it!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yeah, I suck :)


	31. Academic Discourse

"You did _what_?"

"I told that Possible woman exactly what I thought of her." Lorraine affirmed, with a very self-satisfied expression. "Trying to corrupt you like this. She should be ashamed. Do you know, she had the _audacity_ to act like she didn't know what I was talking about!"

"What. _Exactly_. Did. You. Say." Bonnie stood, trembling with anger, as she gritted out every word. The brunette's fury finally seemed to penetrate Lorraine's smug righteousness. For a moment, the older woman actually seemed to have a flicker of self-doubt.

"I ... I told her I was sure she was proud of herself, leading young women astray -"

"Young women?" Bonnie didn't care that interrupting was rude. As far as she was concerned, Lorraine deserved neither patience nor courtesy. "Did you mention my _name_?"

Lorraine made a small grimace of distaste. "Well, of course not. I know _she's_ the one who should be blamed for all this. I wouldn't want to publically shame you for one lapse in judgment, however foolish. It's not like you're _actually_ one of these degenerates. You're the victim, here." She gave the brunette what was probably meant to be a sympathetic smile.

Bonnie stared silently at the older woman for several seconds; a pause long enough for Lorraine's smile to slip away. Then Bonnie pushed her chair back with a furious motion of her arm, and stalked toward the older woman. Her expression was so grim that Lorraine actually backed away, as if fearing violence.

Bonnie, however, had no such intentions. She stopped a half pace away from the other woman, folded her arms across her chest and stared the now slightly-pale Lorraine right in the eyes. "Let me make something perfectly clear. I _am_ one of those 'degenerates'. I'm a lesbian. A dyke. A genuine, one hundred percent homosexual. _I always have been_. I was gay before I met Joss. I was gay before I met _you_. I've known I was a lesbian since I was in twelve. This was not some experiment or mistake. _This is who I am_."

"But -"

"But I hid that part of myself." Bonnie spoke right over the top of Lorraine's attempted interjection. "Because I was scared of how I would be treated if people knew who I really was. And based on what you've just done, I had a right to be worried."

"You _can't _be a lesbian." Lorraine was insistent. "You've had boyfriends!"

Bonnie gave a bitter laugh. "And Rock Hudson was married. Just like him, I used other people to hide who I truly was. I wish I hadn't done it - it wasn't fair to the guys I was with. I'm ashamed of the way I used them. But I am _not_ ashamed of being gay -" She broke off, a smile suddenly breaking out on her lips as she realized; perhaps for the first time in her life; that those words were true. So true, she felt the need to repeat them. "I am not ashamed of being gay. It's not something to be ashamed of, and nothing you or anyone else can say about it will change that. I am who I am. You can either accept that, or you can get out of my life."

Lorraine was silent for a long moment, then she lifted her chin, gave a sniff of disapproval, and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Left alone in her office, Bonnie walked back to her desk and slumped into her chair. She sat silently for nearly a minute, not thinking about anything, trying to let the tension ease out of her body.

Once she was merely on edge, rather than thrumming with tension, Bonnie opened the 'Joss' folder in her email and checked the weekly schedule the Montanan had sent her. A quick glance at the time showed that Joss had just started a class. _Lorraine must have ambushed her right before her lecture._

Joss's class would finish at twelve. Then she had an hour to herself before heading to NASA for the afternoon. Bonnie was also free from noon until one, but this wasn't a conversation she wanted to have at the university. Joss's notes said she had a gym class from six until seven. Bonnie herself would be finished for the day at four.

Taking a deep breath, the brunette rang Joss's cell. As expected, the call went straight to voice mail. "Hey, it's me. I know we already planned dinner for Wednesday, but ... well, something's come up that I really need to talk to you about. So, can I interest you in lasagna two days early? I could have it ready for say ... seven thirty tonight? Or later is fine, if that works better for you. I'll be up till late. Give me a call on my cell to let me know."

* * *

Lasagna was exactly the right meal to be making, under the circumstances. It had just the right amount of details to get right that Bonnie had to pay attention, but was forgiving enough that if her distraction got the better of her, the meal would not be ruined. So she cooked the mince, monitoring it closely as it bubbled away with the tomatoes and other ingredients. Once that had simmered enough to thicken properly, she made the béchamel sauce, adding a generous helping of parmesan to give it some extra zest. _Which I guess officially means it's a mornay_. Then she layered the mince, sauce and pasta – fresh, not dried – into a baking pan, and liberally coated it with yet more parmesan.

A glance at the clock showed it was just after six. Joss wasn't arriving until eight – the Montanan had called Bonnie's cell to say that she'd need the extra time to shower and take her gym clothes home before she came over. "I've had a strange morning." The younger woman had said, without elaborating. "And I think I'm going to work out extra hard tonight to try and clear my head." Then she chuckled. "And trust me, you don't want to be near me or my gym clothes after I've been sweating for an hour."

Bonnie wasn't so sure about that. She loved it when the human body glistened. There was something vibrant and primal about it. Not that that mattered, right now. What _did_ matter was finding a way to occupy herself for two hours. As she normally did when she had time to kill, she rummaged through her kitchen. The lasagna would be a fine entrée, but she hadn't thought about dessert. _If I want to keep to the Italian theme, there's always Tiramisu_. Bonnie did a web search for a recipe and looked it over. She would have to make the ladyfingers from scratch, and use a couple of substitutions for the other ingredients. It wouldn't exactly be a traditional recipe, but in theory she could do it. And it would keep her busy for another hour, after which she could wash everything up by hand – that would use another fifteen minutes – before taking a shower and getting changed.

_And this way, I'll either have a nice dessert to share with Joss, or something to console myself with after she storms out._

* * *

".. minutes for the lasagna to rest and then I'll serve up." Bonnie pulled a can of root beer from the fridge. It was regular, not diet, part of a special stash she'd bought just for Joss. "And if you're still hungry after that, there's Tiramisu for dessert."

Joss made salivating noises that suggested her surname should be 'Stoppable' rather than 'Possible'. Then the Montanan chuckled. "It's a darn good thing I hit the gym earlier, or ya would have t' roll me outta here tonight."

"I like to cook." Bonnie did her best to sound casual. She poured the root beer into a glass and passed it across the counter to the younger woman. "And it's nice to have my cooking appreciated."

"Well if the way to a man's heart _is_ through his stomach, then you are _set_." Joss pronounced, before taking a sip of her drink. Setting the glass down, she leaned forward, a teasing grin pulling at the edges of her mouth. "Speakin' of which, you're quite the dark horse, sneakin' off to Vegas on the sly. How long has _that_ been goin' on? Oh!" Joss snapped her fingers. "Is the reason you wanted t' talk tonight somethin' to do with yer secret lover?" Her eyes suddenly widened. "Shit, he didn't _propose_, did he?"

The question was so unexpected; not to mention so utterly, _utterly_ off the mark; that Bonnie burst into hysterical laughter.

"I guess that's a 'no'." Joss seemed completely unperturbed by Bonnie's reaction. For some reason, that set Bonnie off again.

"I'm sorry." The older woman apologized at last, when she finally got herself under control. "I'm ... I'm a bit on edge." She took a deep breath. "I ... need to tell you something, and I'm worried you'll be angry."

Joss frowned as she picked up her glass once more. "Angry?"

"Yeah." Bonnie swallowed. "I ... I've done this twenty different ways in my head, and none of them seem adequate ..."

"Hey." Joss reached across the counter with her free hand and held Bonnie's fingers in her own. "Just do it straight up; fast and painless, like rippin' off a bandage."

Bonnie took a shaky breath. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Hit me with your best shot." The Montanan took a sip of her drink. "I can take it."

"I'm gay."

Joss spat root beer all over the counter.

* * *

**Author's Note:** That's not really a cliffhanger, right? Because that would be four in a row, which I think is against the Geneva convention.

Mainly I ended it here because I think Joss and Bonnie's "outing" conversation deserves a chapter of its own. So that's what is coming next time.

Bonnie's appreciation for a post-workout body is based on a line from the show ("don't shower, I like it when you glisten"). She says it on the phone to Brick, but conspicuously, she says it when she knows Kim is listening in. For the purposes of this story, that's not a coincidence :)


	32. Orientation

"I know I told you I wasn't gay." Bonnie kept talking quietly, even as she grabbed a cloth and wiped up Joss's spill. She didn't look at the younger woman, but could sense the Montanan staring at her. "I lied. I'm sorry."

"Why did ya lie?" Joss sounded justifiably confused, and a little bit hurt. "Ya knew I was gay ..."

Bonnie shook her head as she rinsed the cloth under the tap. "It wasn't about you. It was about me. About what's up here." She dropped the cloth and tapped the side of her head.

"Hair?" As jokes went, it was a weak one, but the fact that Joss had made the effort made Bonnie feel a little less tense. She gave a slight smile.

"I wish it was that simple." Bonnie moved to the lasagna and put a large slice onto a plate, then added a small side salad. She put the plate in front of Joss, along with a tub of grated parmesan. "Eat. I know your appetite. If you have to wait until I've finished talking, you'll gnaw your own arm off."

Joss inhaled the savory aroma of the meal, then spooned more parmesan on top of it. "Ya don't have ta tell _me_ twice." She admitted, picking up her fork. If she didn't quite meet Bonnie's eyes as she did so ... well, that wasn't unreasonable of her.

"Let me start with my father." Bonnie plated up a smaller serving of lasagna for herself, then joined Joss at the counter. She felt too anxious to really be hungry, but it was probably a good idea to eat something. "One time when I was about six, my sisters were teasing me. After a while, I ran off in tears, and found my father. That was pretty unusual. Normally my mother –" She stopped. "Sorry, unnecessary tangent. Anyway: he sat me down and he told me a story."

* * *

"The sea is full of little fish, mindlessly swimming around." Donato Rockwaller told his youngest daughter. "And most of time those little fish are content, eating seaweed and swimming back and forth. But whenever a shark comes along, it chases the little fish, and it _eats_ some of them. What do you suppose happens to the little fish that got away?"

"Do they hide from the shark and never come out?" Bonnie asked. Donato gave a faint smile at her clear and precise speech. Mushy baby-talk was _not_ tolerated in the Rockwaller house.

"Well, some of them might." Her father nodded. "But that's the coward's choice. Actually, what _most_ of the little fish do is get very upset, and say to each other how it isn't _fair_ that the shark eats them. But the thing is that little fish have little brains, and after a while they forget what happened and go back to swimming mindlessly, until eventually the shark comes back and eats _them_, too."

"Oh." Bonnie wasn't sure she liked this story very much, but it was better than being called names by Lonnie and Connie.

"_But!_" Her father held up a finger. "That is only _most_ of the little fish. You see, a few of them realize that sharks eating little fish is a natural, normal thing. It's called the 'food chain'. And they realize that they have a choice: they can stay a little fish, and be eaten, or _they_ can grow into a shark, instead." He tilted his finger down until it was pointing at his daughter. "You are a little fish, Bonita, and the world has many, many sharks. Are you going to stay a little fish and get eaten, or are you going to grow up to be a shark, like me?"

* * *

Joss gave a low whistle. "How many nightmares did you have from _that_ little pep talk?"

"My father was a great advocate of 'tough love'." Bonnie shrugged. "Honestly, on a scale of one to ten for him, that was only a five or six. As it was, I took him a little too literally at the time. The next time Lonnie teased me, I bit her."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. She still has a scar on her arm, though you can barely see it these days." Bonnie refilled Joss's glass. "But that story was only an example. My father wasn't around much while I was growing up, but when he was, that was the kind of message we got from him. It's a dog eat dog world; survival of the fittest; do unto others before they do unto you. And I bought into it, completely. I mean ... I know better _now_, but back then, his word was gospel to me. By the time I reached junior high, I was an expert in being 'top of the food chain'. I knew exactly how to act, who to talk to, who to avoid. And I could sniff out weakness like a shark smelling blood in the water. Not that it ever really made things better at home. My sisters still made life miserable there. But ..." Bonnie trailed off. Then she swallowed, and forced out the admission. "... but when they did, I could come to school and take it out on someone else. I ... wasn't a nice person."

Joss reached over and tentatively touched the back of Bonnie's hand. "That ain't you any more."

"Thank god." Bonnie gave a wan smile. "When you realized you were gay ... that you like Saffy as more than just a friend ... did it happen gradually, or was it more of a sudden epiphany?"

"Gradual, I guess." A small crease in her forehead suggested the Montanan was confused by the sudden question, but she gamely played along. "First I just missed her when we weren't together. Then I found myself wanting to touch her. I don't mean anythin' sexy. Just ... contact. Eventually I realized I wanted to hold her hand, and to kiss her. And then, well, you can guess the rest."

"For me it was like a thunderbolt." Bonnie sighed. "I'd had a couple of boyfriends. No-one I was actually interested in, but only losers were dateless, you know?"

Joss shrugged. "I missed the whole high school experience, myself. But I saw it on TV, if that counts. _South of Nowhere_."

"I don't know it."

"Heretic. No wonder you got hit with a thunderbolt."

Bonnie nodded at the quip. It lacked the Montanan's usual zest, but it was a game effort. "Maybe so. Certainly if pride goes before a fall, I fit the bill. Realizing I was gay ... it completely shook my world. My sisters would torment me endlessly. My father would disown me. I'd become a pariah at school. Everything I'd built, everything I thought was important, would be taken from me." She flicked a glance at Joss. "I know the only one that really means much is what my father would do ... but I was fourteen. Self-absorbed and stupid."

"How did you know? That you were gay I mean." Joss frowned. "You didn't say."

Bonnie had indeed glossed over that detail. She bit her lip. "I fell head over heels in lust."

"Lust? Not love?"

"Definitely not love." Bonnie shook her head. "I mean, there was some infatuation there, sure, but mostly I daydreamed about dragging her into a supply closet and ripping her clothes off." _Or being alone with her in the showers after practice._ Or any of a dozen other fantasies she'd had.

Joss blinked. "... I guess you didn't have any real confusion about your sexuality, then."

"I never went through the 'am I really a lesbian' thing." Bonnie acknowledged. "Once I knew I was gay, I knew. But I certainly wasn't happy about it. As far as I was concerned, I'd spent years clawing my way to the top of the food chain, and now my stupid libido was putting it all in jeopardy."

"So there were no trips to the supply closet."

The brunette gave a grim laugh. "Hell no. I opted for the _other_ closet. So I went out and got a high profile boyfriend. Brick, you remember I mentioned him?" She waited for Joss's answering nod. "I had no real interest in him, of course. Or in any guy. But I ... felt I had to protect myself, and that was the first step. The second was driving her away. Making her as miserable as I was feeling. I couldn't let her get close. If I did, I'd do something stupid, like kiss her. And either she'd freak out, and tell everyone I was gay, which was a terrifying thought ... or she wouldn't freak out, which was even more terrifying. I figured if I made her hate me, then at best she'd stay as far away from me as possible, and at worst she'd try to fight back. Try to take my place. At the time, that was a fight I was sure I'd win." Bonnie took a deep breath. _You have to tell her this sooner or later_. _May as well get all the secrets out at once_. "Though looking back on it now, I was wrong about that ... Kim could have easily taken over as queen of the school, if she'd wanted."

"Kim? What does she -" Joss began, then slowly her eyes widened. "Yer lesbian epiphany was my _cousin_?"

"It's a small world." Given what had happened in Vegas, a very small one.

"God." Joss sat back, her meal temporarily forgotten. "You and me bein' friends ... is that about Kim? Are you tryin' to make amends with her somehow, or to get close to her through me?"

"I'm friends with you because I like you. It has _nothing_ to do with Kim." Bonnie spoke emphatically. "To be honest, when I found out who you were, I figured it would be best to stay as far away from you as possible. But I enjoyed your company too much to keep to that plan."

"You're sure?" Joss was clearly skeptical.

"I promise." Bonnie made the Pixie Scout salute. "Everything I've said tonight is one hundred percent true. I know I haven't been very honest with you about my sexuality, until now, but that's over. And my sexuality was the only thing I haven't been honest about."

Joss looked at her for a long, silent moment, as if trying to read the truth in her expression. Finally, the Montanan sighed. "You sound sincere, but we've been friends fer six months and I had no idea ya were gay, so what do I know?"

"I wish I hadn't lied to you." Bonnie said, quietly. "I wish I'd had the courage to be open about my sexuality six months ago, or at any time in the last ten years. But I didn't. I'm sorry."

"... so yer mystery Vegas lover was a woman?"

"Yes." Bonnie nodded, then felt she needed to add more. "She was someone I met in the UK last year. She came over to the States for a convention, and suggested we catch up while she was here." She paused, then continued. "Vegas is actually the reason I suggested we have dinner tonight."

"How so?"

The brunette gathered her thoughts. She'd dumped a lot on Joss in one evening, and she hoped this wouldn't be the straw that broke the camel's back. "Chahna and I ... Chahna's the woman I was with, obviously ... we talked about a lot of stuff on the weekend. Like me, she's in the closet, so one of the big things we talked about was why we'd never been 'out' about our sexuality, and whether we felt ready to take that step. She wasn't. But I am. I think." Bonnie paused and gave a short laugh. "Of course, since I've now told you, and Andy always knew, and I came out to my family at Christmas, I guess the main part of coming out is done, now."

"At Christmas ... oh!" Joss exclaimed. "_That's_ the real reason yer father cancelled yer flights, isn't it?"

Bonnie nodded. "I think so, yes. I ... I thought about telling you then that I was gay, but you and Reba had just broken up, and I wasn't sure you needed any more stress in your life."

"I guess I can see that." Joss nodded slowly. "But I don't understand why it had to be _t'night_. We were gonna have dinner on Wednesday, anyway. Why didn't you wait 'til then?"

"Lorraine. She was in Las Vegas on the weekend, too. She saw me with Chahna. And since she'd always thought I was straight -"

"She blamed me fer it." Joss snorted, then ran a hand through her hair. "Well, at least her little rant at me this mornin' makes some sense now." She paused, looking thoughtful. "Ya _were_ gonna tell me on Wednesday, right? Yer not only tellin' me now because Lorraine knows?"

"I'm telling you _tonight_ because Lorraine knows. But I was planning to tell you on Wednesday. I'm through with lying to you about this. With lying to anyone. Lorraine came to see me after she saw you. I gave her an earful and made it quite clear that my liking women was not your doing."

They both sat in silence for nearly a minute. Finally, Bonnie could take it no more.

"Are we okay? You and me, I mean? Still friends?"

Joss sighed. "It's gonna take me some time to get used to this." She ran a hand through her hair again. "I'll be honest; it hurts that ya lied ta me about this fer so long."

"I'm sorry. Anything I can do to make up for it, I will."

"Just ... give me some time to adjust. I gotta admit, I'm not really sure how this goes. I've never really had a friend who was a lesbian. Unless they were more than just a friend, I mean." Joss suddenly flushed. "Shit. That wasn't meant as a pick-up line, I promise."

"I'll take your word for that." Bonnie kept her voice casual, even as she felt a small twinge of disappointment. Joss remained a friend, and someone she cared about, but there was also no denying that the Montanan was easy on the eyes. _Don't go there. You just told Joss you've been lying to her for the last six months, and she broke up with someone only four weeks ago. _This was not the time to listen to her oft-neglected libido. Repairing her friendship with Joss was what mattered. She summoned up a smile and pointed at Joss's now empty plate. "You want seconds? Or would you prefer Tiramisu?"

"I can't have both?"

"Why am I not surprised you asked that?" _Yes, that's better. We should just let things get back to the way they were before_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Man, this chapter was harder to write than I expected. Silly chapter. But at least Bonnie's finally come out to Joss. Now they can repair their friendship and everything will go back to how it was before, right?

Updates over the next couple of months are likely to be a bit less regular than they have been. I'd like to do Nanowrimo this year, so - in theory at least - that will take priority. And then we'll be in the silly season.


	33. Academic Breakthrough

"So who else knows that yer gay?" Joss kept her eyes more on the table than on Bonnie as she asked the question. _I guess getting back to how things used to be is going to take a little time._

The older woman shrugged. "I guess that depends who Lorraine and my sisters have told."

"I don't expect yer to know about _them_." Joss waved a hand in dismissal. "I just meant the people ya _do_ know about."

"Well, other than you and Lorraine, there's my parents and my sisters, of course." Bonnie ticked them off on her fingers. "My friend Andy. His father, and his partner Eric. Chahna, of course. Other than that, just my friend Tara and her husband, Ned."

There was a moment of silence, where Joss looked at her expectantly. Finally, the younger woman cleared her throat. "That's all?"

"Yeah." Bonnie didn't bother to hide her confusion. "You thought there'd be more?"

"Well ... a few girlfriends, at least."

The brunette's eyes widened. "Oh." She swallowed. "No. Chahna was my first. I've always been _way_ in the closet." She summoned up a faint smile. "Until recently, I assumed I always would be."

"What changed?"

"I ... I hid my sexuality because I was afraid of the way people would treat me. I assumed it would ruin my life. And then I met you ... an open lesbian. And yes, people made comments. But you were ... free ... in a way that I wasn't. It took me a few months, but I slowly realized that denying who I was, was hurting me more than other people's bigoted opinions ever could." Bonnie flushed as she came to the end of her impromptu soliloquy. "So uh ... thanks for being you."

"Yer welcome." Joss gave a throaty chuckle. "Though I gotta admit it wasn't like I had a choice about bein' openly gay. I'm no good at pretendin' to be somethin' I'm not. So I figured I may as well just tell folks and get any drama outta the way from the get-go."

Bonnie smiled, but the expression faded as a thought occurred to her. "Speaking of telling people ... is it okay if I ask you not to tell Kim, or anyone else? I'm ready to come out of the closet, but ..."

"But ya want to be the one who decides when to tell people." Joss nodded. "Don't worry, I won't go blabbin' about ya to anyone, and certainly not Kim. I ain't even told her I know ya." She gave a wry smile. "I figured she'd just give me a lecture about ya not bein' trustworthy, if I did."

"Well ..." Bonnie spooned up some tiramisu, but did not raise it to her mouth. "If I was still the Bonnie that Kim knew, she'd be right." She sighed. "And I haven't exactly been honest with you about my sexuality, so maybe I'm not as changed as I thought I was."

Joss shook her head. "Not the same thing. Ya didn't lie about yer sexuality ta hurt me. Ya just weren't ready ta talk about it." She paused, then added. "Reba said a couple of times she thought you were gay ... or at least a curious straight girl."

"She did?" Bonnie set down her spoon, her dessert forgotten. "But we never even _met_. How did she come up with that?"

"Reba always said there were only two reasons fer a straight woman to knowingly become friends with a lesbian." Joss nibbled her bottom lip, looking uncomfortable with what she was saying. "Either she wanted a trophy; 'look how tolerant I am, hangin' with a homo'; or ... she wasn't as straight as she claimed."

Bonnie exhaled softly. "That's ... rather cynical."

"That's what I called it." Joss's expression became an outright grimace. "She said if I thought otherwise, I was kidding myself."

"For all she was right about my being gay, I don't agree with her rule. I'm sure a straight woman and a lesbian can be friends just because they like each other's company, with no other ulterior motive." Bonnie paused. _There's more to this than just one disagreement_. "Did you and Reba have different opinions about a lot of stuff?"

Joss sighed. "Yeah, I guess. Reba ... tended ta assume the worst of things. I don't do that. She told me a few times I was too much of a dreamer."

"Well, I definitely don't agree with that. I mean ... yes, you _are_ a dreamer. Your whole _family_ are dreamers. 'Anything is possible for a Possible', right? If that's not dreamer-talk, I don't know what is." Bonnie smiled gently. "But, unlike Reba, I think that being a dreamer can be a good thing. Look at what Kim's accomplished, because she _lived_ that motto. Or look at yourself, for that matter. You were what, eighteen when you landed a job at NASA? Could you have done that without dreaming? Hell, isn't NASA itself all about chasing a dream?"

Joss looked thoughtful for a few seconds, then smiled teasingly. "Fer a lib'ral arts person, yer pretty smart."

"Ha. Ha." Bonnie deadpanned, then made a wry face. "Just be glad you're talking to me now, and not six years ago. I would have said much worse things than just calling you a 'dreamer'."

"Yeah, Kim's told me some stories." Joss propped her chin on her hand and stared across the room. "It's funny how you 'n' her were enemies, and ya both turned out ta be gay. Maybe if ya'd known Kim was a lesbian in school, yer woulda been friends."

It would have been easy to make a neutral but seemingly agreeable response. A simple 'maybe' would do the trick. _But it would be dishonest._ "It probably would have made me worse."

"It would?" Joss looked surprised, then thoughtful. "... I guess if ya were tryin' to stay in the closet then being friends with a lesbian wouldn't be the best plan, huh?"

"Right." The temptation to simply agree was so strong that the word was out of Bonnie's mouth before she'd even thought about what to say. But she couldn't let it stand alone. _I made a promise to be honest with Joss, and a lie of omission is still a lie._ "But it wouldn't have just been that. I mean, that crush I mentioned ... it was a pretty huge deal for me all through high school. I was pretty much totally irrational about it." Bonnie forced the words out, her eyes fixed on the tablecloth as she spoke. She'd already admitted her previous attraction to Joss's cousin, but not how all-consuming it had been. "If I'd known Kim was gay, too ... I'd have probably done everything I could to force her away, because I would have been terrified of what would happen if I let her get too close. I wasn't exactly rational about my feelings for her, back then."

There was a long, _long_ moment of silence. Finally, Bonnie glanced up. _Please don't hate me_.

"Just how big a deal was this thing with you and Kim?" Joss croaked at last. The younger woman's face was pale, but her tone wasn't angry, just stunned.

"There was no 'me and Kim'." Bonnie hastened to explain. "We did cheerleading together, and we shared a few classes, but we never hung out ... I made sure of that. But I admired her courage, and determination -" _And her ass_. "- and I was convinced that it would ruin my life if anyone found out I was gay. Making her hate me was the best way I could think of to keep her away. It was stupid, and selfish, but I was a pretty stupid, selfish person in high school."

Silence fell again, and the brunette waited anxiously for Joss to speak again. The Montanan's expression was blank, giving no real indication of her thoughts. Dozens of scenarios danced through Bonnie's head, most of them painful.

"... are you _sure_ we aren't just friends because ya feel guilty about how ya treated Kim?" Joss's return to her earlier question was not what Bonnie had anticipated, but the strained, quiet way in which it was asked certainly was.

"No!" The honest and heartfelt answer was an easy one to offer. "I won't pretend that I don't feel guilty about how I treated Kim. But it has nothing to do with my being your friend. I like you for _you_, Joss. You're smart, you make me laugh ..." A sudden thought crossed Bonnie's mind. _There's a reason she's insecure about this. _ "... something like that's happened before, hasn't it? People wanting to be your friend because of Kim?"

"A couple of times, yeah." Joss bit her lip. "... next to my dad, yer pretty much the most important person in my life right now, ya know? And hearin' all this stuff tonight, for the first time ... it makes me wonder if I've been stupid to trust ya so much."

Bonnie reached across the table and grasped the younger woman's hands in her own. "Look, I'm not going to pretend that there aren't any similarities between you and Kim. A lot of the things I liked in her, I like in you. You're brave, honest, and generous to a fault. You're intelligent and funny, like I said earlier. You're someone I know will always have my back when I need you." The brunette squeezed gently with her fingers. "But aren't those qualities that we _all_ want in our friends? I know that one day I need to make amends for the way I treated Kim. But I'll make those amends _with her_. I like you because of who _you_ are, not because of who your cousin is." She sucked in a breath, then plunged on. "Honestly, when we met, Kim being your cousin was number two on my list of reasons _not_ to be friends with you. Number one being that I thought you were a student."

Joss's eyes widened at that, and she actually managed a weak chuckle. "So _that's_ why ya were so freaked about that sweater."

"Yeah." Bonnie gave a rueful smile. "I'm not usually so excitable about fashion, not even when it's Club Banana."

The Montanan nibbled on her bottom lip once more, then gave an emphatic nod. "Okay, I believe you. I trust you. Maybe ... maybe just because I want to. But ... well, I do."

Bonnie let out a breath she didn't even know she had been holding. "Thank you. It means a lot to me. You're ... well, our friendship is as important to me as it is to you. I don't want to lose it."

This time it was Joss's fingers giving the reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry. Yer stuck with me."

"I think I can live with that." Bonnie smiled, and savored the genuine, if slightly tentative, smile that the younger woman offered in return. The brunette took a breath, realizing with surprise that she felt better than she could ever remember. Telling the truth had been painful, but it had been the right thing to do.

_I finally feel ready to start living __**my**__ life, instead of the life others expect from me._

* * *

**Author's Notes:** For various reasons, NaNoWriMo isn't going so well, in terms of words produced. I have, however, managed to squeeze in this update, and do a few other scraps of writing as well. So yay for that, I guess!

Hope all you American folks have a good Thanksgiving - some friends and I are getting together on the coming weekend to eat turkey and pumpkin pie and watch movies that were massive critical or financial failures (cinematic turkeys, in other words). It turns out that I own a disproportionate number of such films on DVD. :)


	34. University Policy

"Thanks for meeting me on such short notice, Professor Terr." Bonnie shook hands with her department head the next morning.

"My door is always open for my faculty members, Ms Rockwaller." The older man gestured for her to take a seat. "What is it I can help you with today?"

Bonnie paused, taking a moment to relax and calm herself. Theodore Terr had always struck her as being genuinely concerned for his staff, but he was in his late sixties; the product of an earlier generation. He might not be supportive. _Still, I __**have**__ to speak to him._

"I've always tried to keep my private life ... well, _private_." She began. Immediately, Professor Terr's genial expression grew more tense, and he reached for a notepad and pen. Bonnie managed a weak smile. "I guess that no meeting that starts like that is going to be good news, is it?"

"Unfortunately not." Professor Terr shook his balding head as he jotted down the date and Bonnie's name. He took a deep breath. "Please go on."

_Well, there's no point dancing around it_. "I'm gay." Bonnie said plainly. "It's not something I'm ashamed of, but I know that some people have an issue with it, so I've preferred not to be open about it." She paused, then plunged on. "Recently, one of my colleagues became aware of my sexuality when they saw me with my girlfriend." That wasn't really the right word to describe her relationship with Chahna, but it would do for her purposes. "Yesterday, that colleague ... expressed some inappropriate opinions about myself and a gay staff member from another department."

"Ah." Professor Terr pinched the bridge of his nose. His expression was one of discomfort, though Bonnie wasn't sure if that was a reaction to her sexuality, or to the wider implications of her statement. He was silent for a few moments as he jotted notes on the page, then he glanced up. "So ... do you wish to make a formal complaint about the matter?"

"No!" Bonnie's emphatic answer prompted an immediate look of relief from the department head. "Nothing like that. I just wanted to make you aware of the situation. And I thought ... well, that it might be a good time to re-issue the school's anti-discrimination policy to all staff. Perhaps with a comment about respecting our colleagues, regardless of their religion, ethnicity, or sexuality."

"That ... sounds like an excellent idea." Professor Terr didn't quite meet her eyes, but he nodded his agreement. "Reminding everyone of the policies might serve to prevent you experiencing any further ... unwanted opinions."

_Not to mention heading off any unpleasant public enquiries for the university._ "Thank you sir."

Professor Terr wrote several more notes on the sheet of paper, then signed it and pushed it across the table to Bonnie. "Does this appear a fair and accurate representation of our conversation?"

The brunette scanned the page. "It does." She confirmed. She had her own written statement with her, covering the same points, but it seemed it wouldn't be needed. She picked up a pen and scribbled her signature next to Professor Terr's. She watched as the department head made a copy and initialed it, then took it when he offered it to her.

"For your records." He explained. "I'll ensure the anti-discrimination policy is distributed today, with the comments you suggested. I ... would also like to thank you for the discrete manner in which you have chosen to address this situation."

"Thank you, sir." Bonnie nodded. "I hope this will be the last either of us hears on the matter."

"A hope I share entirely." Professor Terr managed a wan smile.

* * *

As soon as she reached her office, Bonnie called Joss.

"How'd it go?" The Minnesotan answered the phone.

"Hello to you, too."

Joss chuckled. "Sorry. Hi. How'd it go?"

"Not bad." Bonnie nibbled her bottom lip. "The conversation obviously made Professor Terr uncomfortable -"

"Because yer gay?"

"Maybe. Or maybe he just felt weird talking about my sex life at all." The brunette shrugged. "I mean, I work for him. And he has kids older than me. But I gave him my spiel, and he promised to send out the anti-discrimination policy."

"Do you think he'll follow through?"

"Yeah, I do ... he was uncomfortable during our conversation, but he seemed more interested in making sure that the matter was dealt with quietly than anything else. Which is fine by me." Bonnie glanced at her class folders, now adorned with discrete rainbow flag stickers. "I'm not going to hide who I am anymore, but I'm not looking for special treatment. As long as people leave me alone, I'm happy."

"You want to be left alone?" Joss's tone became playful. "So, I shouldn't come over tomorrow?"

"Smart-ass."

"I do my best." The Montanan chuckled again, then grew more serious. "Ya know, whatever happens, I got yer back, right?"

"Yeah, I do." Bonnie smiled, then paused as her computer chirped softly. "And it looks like Professor Terr does as well." She opened the new email and scanned it quickly. "'As we've had a number of new hires over the holidays, I thought it appropriate to remind all staff of the need to show tolerance for all our colleagues, regardless of their race, beliefs or lifestyle'."

"Think Lorraine will get the hint?"

"I guess we'll see."

* * *

Whether Lorraine got the hint or not, it seemed she felt she had nothing more to say to Bonnie. The rest of the week passed without incident. If the brunette's other colleagues noticed the stickers on her folders, they didn't mention it. A few of her students clearly _did_ notice, and Bonnie had to quell a few more whispered conversations in class than normal ... but with the exception of her family, the overwhelming response to her sexuality was calm acceptance. In a strange way, it was almost disappointing.

Three weeks later, Joss and Bonnie sat on the brunette's balcony, taking advantage of a spell of warm weather that had pushed the temperature into the sixties.

"Another awesome meal." Joss patted her belly in satisfaction.

"Thanks. Are you warm enough?" With the sky now dark, the air was definitely beginning to cool.

"On yeah." Joss assured her. "I'm hot-blooded, see?" She grasped Bonnie's hand and placed it on her forearm.

"Wow." The brunette raised her eyebrows at the warm skin under her fingertips. "You're not kidding."

"Reba used to say I was the best bed-_warmer_ she'd ever had." Joss gave a half-smile, then glanced down at her arm. "Do _you_ need to go inside? Your fingers are quite cool." The Montanan took Bonnie's hand between her own and gently chafed the skin to warm it.

"I'm perfectly happy here."

"Me too." Joss released her fingers and leaned back in her chair. "Wednesday night is my favorite time of the week."

"It's nice to know my cooking is so appreciated."

"It's not just about the food!" Joss protested. Then she caught sight of Bonnie's sly grin and snorted. "Okay, ya got me with that one."

"I look forward to Wednesday nights, too." Bonnie assured the Montanan. "And I guess it's especially welcome for you, since you've been working so many weekends lately."

"That's finally over, thank god." The auburn-haired woman gave a desultory fist pump. "The project's done. Signed, sealed and delivered. Now all Lou has to do is give the presentation at the conference next month."

"Conference?"

"The National Aerospace Conference. Officially, it's -" Joss paused to make air quotes. "- the 'foremost convention on space research and technology'." She smirked. "Unofficially, it's a bragging contest between us, the other NASA guys from Florida, and Uncle James's Middleton crew. That's why it's been so crazy since new year. New budget period; secret new project for the convention. Bragging rights are at stake."

"Ooh, testosterone alert. Rocket science is still a very male-dominated field, isn't it?"

"It is." Joss laughed, then wrinkled her nose. "But I gotta admit, I kinda get why Lou wants to kick Florida's ass so much. They think they're better than us, just because they get the launches. Like being at the right _latitude_ requires some special talent."

"Sounds like the boys aren't the only competitive ones." Bonnie gave a laugh of her own, then took a sip of her peppermint tea. "So do you have any special plans for your first weekend of freedom?"

Joss shook her head. "Not really. You?"

"I need to do some shopping on Saturday morning, but other than that, not much." Bonnie wrapped her fingers around her tea, surreptitiously letting the cup warm her fingers. "Do you want to come over on Sunday? We can hang out, watch a DVD, whatever."

Joss gave an emphatic nod. "Yeah, sounds good. I'll bring the food, though, okay? I'll feel guilty if you have to feed me twice in one week."

"I guess that means we're having chili."

"That or take out, yeah."

"Actually, why not come over in the early afternoon and I'll show you how to make gumbo?"

Joss raised her eyebrows. "You want me to help cook?"

"I'm sure you can manage it."

"Yeah, of course I can." Joss waited a beat, then grinned. "I'm just sure we'll both fit in your kitchen!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Happy holidays, everyone!

A relatively short chapter, but an important one in the course of Bonnie asserting her identity, I think. Plus I got to squeeze in another pun name. Gotta love the pun names.

Gotta love Amazon having a sale on "South of Nowhere" DVDs, too. All three seasons are now on their way to me :)


	35. Substitute

Bonnie paused at the entrance to Club Banana, glancing around for the clearance rack. Normally it was off to the left, but the store had obviously been reorganized for Valentine's day. _Racy lingerie, front and center_.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" The question was delivered with the slightly nasal tones of a New Yorker. Bonnie turned. The salesperson was unfamiliar; a slender, thirty-ish woman, diet-thin rather than exercise-lean, with chestnut hair.

"I was looking for the clearance rack." The one time Queen of Middleton High School admitted, suppressing a grin as she imagined her sixteen year old self's reaction to the confession.

"I moved it to the back wall so we'd have room for the Valentine's Day sale." The woman gestured to the racks of lacey finery.

"_You_ did?" Bonnie raised her eyebrows. "Did Anna sell the store?" She would miss the plump, effervescent owner if that was the case.

The older woman shook her head. "Her husband booked a cruise for them; a surprise for their wedding anniversary." She smiled. "I guess you're a regular here, if you know Anna by name?"

"I come in quite often." The former cheerleader acknowledged. _Though I don't often buy. _"I'm Bonnie." She held out a hand.

"Lesley." The woman accepted the handshake, her cool fingers gripping Bonnie's for just a fraction longer than seemed normal. "Anna's husband arranged for Head Office to send me out here and run things for a couple of weeks. That's what I do, basically; fill in as manager at stores all over the country."

"You must run up a lot of air miles."

"I do." Lesley nodded. "So, what is it you're looking for, today?"

"I need a new suit. Not for everyday wear -" Her old 'good suit' would now cycle into her daily wardrobe. "- something I can use for conferences and other special occasions."

"Pants or skirt?"

Bonnie shrugged. "Either would be okay, though I'd prefer pants."

"I'm sure we can find something you'll like." Lesley ran her gaze up and down Bonnie's body with what felt like more than a simple salesperson's interest. _I'm probably just imagining things_. "In fact I think we something in just your size." She led the younger woman over to the clearance rack and flicked quickly through the outfits, then drew out a black suit jacket and pants. "Yes, here. It's last year's cut –"

"That's really not a problem."

"I didn't think it would be." Lesley smiled. "And I think it will suit you better than this year's, to be honest." She lowered her voice. "They made some adjustments so that the new range would be a bit more ... forgiving ... of a few extra pounds. Something you certainly don't need!" The last comment might have been nothing more than canny sales-work, but the appreciative look she gave Bonnie's figure suggested otherwise.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Bonnie gave a nod of satisfaction as she examined herself in a full-length mirror. _Monique always did know her stuff_. The tailored jacket drew attention to her narrow waist, while the pants hugged her hips and butt in all the most flattering places.

"You look tremendous!" The warmth in Lesley's tone made it clear that this was no mere sales flattery.

"I expect it will look even better with a proper shirt." Bonnie touched the faded pink tee she was wearing beneath the jacket. "This isn't really a suitable accompaniment."

"A white shirt would work wonderfully for a classical look." Lesley suggested. "Or ... I'm trying to work out what color would bring out your eyes the most, but they're hard to pin down. Sometimes blue, sometimes green."

Bonnie nodded. "I can wear either. Yellow also looks good on me."

The older woman chuckled. "With your figure, you could wear a _sack_ and still look good." She cocked her head to one side. "You'll be taking it, then?"

"Yes." Bonnie had checked the price tag before trying the outfit. It was a little more than she'd wanted to pay – _But when was the last time something from Club Banana __**wasn't**__ a little more than I wanted to pay? _– but she really did need a new 'dress-up' outfit, and this one certainly looked good on her.

"Sure I couldn't interest you in anything from our Valentine's Day range?" Lesley nodded toward the gaudy display of lacy finery. "Something to please the special person in your life?" Her tone was that of someone merely looking for an extra sale, but the flicker in her eyes as she spoke the word 'person' caused a _ping_ on Bonnie's gaydar. _And I guess something about me pinged on hers, as well. Either that, or she's an inveterate optimist._

"There isn't anyone special in my life the moment." Bonnie kept her tone bland, but the answer provoked another flicker in Lesley's eyes. _Oh yeah, definitely gay_.

* * *

"So she gave ya her number?" Joss asked, as she chopped smoke sausage into half-inch slices. Both Bonnie and the Montanan were both squeezed into Bonnie's tiny kitchen, preparing gumbo. A small stack of Joss's DVDs was waiting for them once everything was bubbling away.

Bonnie nodded. "Wrote it on a piece of paper and gave it to me with the receipt."

"Are ya gonna call her?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Really?" Joss paused, the last sausage as yet unsliced. "Y'said she was pretty, and it sounds like she's into ya."

"Keep chopping. Gumbo doesn't make itself." The former cheerleader mock-growled. Then, once the younger woman was back to work, Bonnie explained. "Lesley's only going to be in town for a couple of weeks. I've just tried the 'short term, no strings' thing, and it doesn't work for me." She completed her own work on the celery and moved onto the okra. "I'm not saying the next relationship I have will last for the rest of my life, but I want 'forever' at least be _possible_, with anyone I start dating."

"Yeah, I get it." Joss nodded as she pushed the now-sliced sausage to one side. "Things didn't work out with Reba in the end, but ... well, we had lots of good times, too." She sighed. "Makes me realize how dumb I've been the last two years."

"How so?" Bonnie scooped up the ingredients and added them to the pot.

"... after things went so bad with Clare, I came up with the genius idea that I should jus' stick t' casual sex. I figured that way I'd ... satisfy my needs ... and I wouldn't get hurt." Joss sighed. "I didn't think about what I was givin' up, by makin' that choice."

"But now you do."

Joss nodded. "Yeah, it's ... it's like this meal." She gestured at the kitchen, which was in rather a bedraggled state. "To make it we had to get all the proper ingredients, spend time and effort to prepare and mix them correctly, then give it even more time to properly cook. That's lots of work, when you think about it. And if we but in too much of the spices, or burn the pan, then we might end up with something we don't actually want to eat."

Bonnie chuckled. "It all comes back to food with you, doesn't it?"

"Pretty much." Joss grinned. "My point is, a real relationship is like making a meal from scratch. You have to pay attention, and work, and you might still mess it up, or realize that at the end of the day it's just not a meal you like that much. Casual sex ... is like ordering pizza. It's pretty easy, and it's pretty good, but it's not the same thing."

"And when you met Reba, you decided it was time to try home cooking again?" The older woman teased.

"I didn't really _decide_ anythin'." The Montanan laughed. "It just happened. I think maybe my subconscious got fed up with waitin' for me to get a clue and just decided t' override the rest o' my brain."

"But now the rest of your brain has caught up."

"Hey, I'm a Possible. I can't stay clueless_ forever_."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hey, an update! Sorry it has been so long since the last one, and thank you to those of you who messaged me to check if I was still around.

And yeah, the last sentence of the chapter is a promise from the author to the readers :)


End file.
